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How Much You Should Share To Siblings N Parents

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Vedhavalli, Oct 3, 2019.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    Relationship is good among siblings and parents
    How much information one should share wrt financial details like buying jewels, buying property, enrolling in high cost education or vacation in foreign countries?
    Sometimes I feel One shouldn't every inch details it can breed jealousy among siblings. And parents may tend to compare among siblings and say they are saving why you're not saving or investing?

    Recently one of my friend told me her brother didn't say anything about his promotion in job.
    Few years back my brother invited only 2 days before his house warming. Our relationship is good, we talk 2-3 days once we live in different countries
    How much information should be shared?
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2019
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  2. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    It varies - family to family. We cannot run our life , in my opinion, based on what “most people do”.
     
  3. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    No one runs life based on others life or opinions
    IL won't exist, we seek guidance , clarity and most importantly venting out.
    Most people go to school, college, job, get married, have siblings, have kids. We all are together to help each other.
     
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  4. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    I have seen families where they dont share much, and ones where a lot of info is shared (and still no jealousy). So it depends on the type of people if they can be unconditionally accepting and loving , or if they are the jealous or comparing type.
     
  5. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    True 100% correct .
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    My experience has been that "less is more" is a good rule of thumb. When the relationship is good, be careful to keep it that way. One should not hide happy milestones from parents and siblings, but they should be shared in a brief manner. I have seen two people close to me who have followed this all their life, and I see why they do it. Initially, I used to laughingly scold them, "How can you be so detached when sharing such big news.. why do you wait till the weekly India call.. for once call them on a weekday..."

    If there is financial disparity between the siblings, actual costs of vacation, property etc. are better if fudged a little. The siblings might be fine with their disparity, but it can hurt parents to see one child do much better than the other.

    Some of my friends share almost everything with their siblings and one parent. These friends share almost everything with me also. When they call their sibling or parent to share a news, the parent/sibling asks sarcastically, "Have you already told Rihana?" : ) Even among families with such closeness, there are petty misunderstandings. My friend will vent to me about how a sister or BIL did not react appropriately to "we bought a Tesla" kind of news. But, they seem to be totally fine with that kind of closeness -- share almost everything and also crib about each other to others.
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2019
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  7. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    being an information-sink for friends is possible only for people with good memories.... to remember who said what and when. The relatives start to lose interest in the fine details of such sharing, when everything from Costco shopping to Tesla is conveyed. Urgent phone message that says "Romaine is on sale!" creates a track record for the sharer. Tesla news may have been heard as something else, or got swamped in the flood of other sharing.
    Too much sharing is painful all around.
     
  8. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    I would decide ‘what’ to tell n ‘how much’ to share basis on past experiences.

    I wouldn’t have any problem sharing if the reaction was positive before.

    But if I felt a sense of negativity
    or comparison
    or jealousy
    or if there’s a particular sensitive topic
    or sentiment,
    or if I felt that sharing about something is brining it negative vibe or wouldn’t happen,
    then I wouldn’t share or say very less.
     
  9. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I have a younger brother. We are close, but neither of us expect to talk to each other frequently. He shares important decisions as needed, and vice versa. What does “as needed” mean? If we need the other’s opinion, support, or need a person to share. What and when he tells me something, is up to him. Right now he is unmarried, but I’m sure once he’s married, there will be less sharing.
     
  10. Saloni12

    Saloni12 New IL'ite

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    Me and my brother also had similar relation but even with his marriage fixed things are changing.
     

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