How Much Is Too Much And How Much Is Not Much

Hello dear
Get it clear in mind that none of your actions and thoughts will change anyone.
I can understand you but I think instead of focusing on inlaws focus on kids and you.
Go out with kids play with them.
Do few things for you...join gym or start meditation.

 

Hi Stressfull,

Your user name itself signifies you are stressed out. My piece of advice...

1. Committing suicide is not a remedy, so please take care of your health eat well, sleep well and have fun with your kids also note you are their role model.

2. Go for morning or evening walk (as per your convenience), listen to good music, develop some hobbies or gardening, make new friends, visit any near by park with your kid, mix up with your neighbors etc... Ensure you spend at least 1 to 2 hours daily.

3. If your husband manages both sides expenses (includes your kids future, your and family future and other expenses) its better you don't bother about it.

4. During your in laws visit continue with your regular schedule no need to be extra sweet or going out of your way for pleasing any one. Do your duties and be formal while talking. These people are not worth to be thought or cared for keep your conversations to minimal.

5. If you want to punish them (not advisable) for their past acts you can do is don't speak with them at all (during your husbands absence), every time you speak or do any duty for them remind them how they ill treated with you, scare them with incidents about how some DIL torture their in laws by filing police complaints, scare them about how the legal systems work in support of the DIL. Be loud when ever you speak or argue with your husband (specially when your in laws are present). Create some tantrums about ill health and make your in laws do the cooking and other work during their stay. In short freak them out or make them do the entire work during their stay.

Best wishes...

 

Considering your younger one is just one year old, I think you maybe under some kinda post patrum depression as well. Because suicidal thoughts for annoying in laws are a bit extreme.

What can help you: Yoga, meditation, walking, exercise, new friends, social life, travel, hobby, job, studies, - basically change your routine n do something that makes you happy.

Happiness should first come from inside you, figure out what makes you happy when it comes to any of the above or anything else n distract yourself n feel better.

I understand your feelings n anger regarding your in laws. I understand that it's super annoying to see your in laws still controlling your life in terms of their visits. But you haven't mentioned about them torturing you currently, during their visits, every thing seemed like it was all in the past. N that it still haunts you.

There are many possible reasons for their increased visits..
They have nothing to do back home.
They are trying to show off to their relatives.
They are enjoying their abroad stay more.
They are building a stronger bond with their son n family.

If they are increasing it so frequently, then it maybe possible that they will consider staying with you permanently, which can be avoided citing visa reasons.

Also since you have been able to get through to your husband before, why not speak to him about this too and make these visits reasonable.

If he's not ready to listen, maybe you can show him or in laws by actions, subtle in the beginning then louder. Don't over serve them or make anything special for them. Just be normal, or even slower if you are stressed.

Or during the period your in laws are home, why don't you leave your one year old with them n go try a part time job or study or something. Or get very long sleep. You can use it to your advantage. Try not to be home or keep yourself super busy.

You are living a happy life with your hubby n kids now as you have found the balance so this can be handled too. You are capable, you have achieved a happy life don't let your past with them spoil this for you. The best revenge to your haters is when you actually live happily. So go for that happiness.


P.S. Generally (depending on the marriage relationship), when a spouse commits suicide, the other one just gets remarried because either the "kids needs someone to care" or they "can't be alone forever". N in cases of either the spouse or in laws being the abusers, they will just say good riddance n name that person "crazy". That's all happens.

 

hi,

You didn't say how they behaving now after you settled in abroad.. if they have changed you can let it go.. they are coming to your house.. Its not their house you are living anymore.. you are the owner of your home, do things that will make them understand that they have come to your house and not the vice versa..

they might want to get along with your kids, since they are also getting old, they will definitely miss their son & grand kids..

if they are not much of nuisance, you should not feel bad about their frequent visit..

if they are giving hard times when they visit you once in a year, you should act, you should show them that you are the owner of the house.. I advice not to tell your husband that you are displeased with his parents visit, because no men will take it in right way..

atleast thank God that you are not living with them anymore.. its only 2 months in a year..

 

Really agree with @ashneys here ! Please check if you have post partum depression and get help. Feeling suicidal because of inlaws past behavior is a little concerning here. Please seek help asap.
You have a relatively happy marriage ( inspire of all the inlaws drama and husband’s temper) , two precious beautiful kids . Things are not as bad as you think they are. Develop hobbies, get back to work ( if you aren’t already), focus on the positives in your life and just be grateful. Live your life in the present, don’t invest too much time and emotions on the past and the inlaws. Take care!!!

 

Hi Op,

I have only one question.

Your have not mentioned your kids age, but do you think once they start understanding everything will they be very happy?

Think about it..

Regards,