How many of MIL stayed in joint family...

swaran · Dec 15, 2011

i forgot to mention about my aunt...who again is a MIL....infact i never knew she would behave that way till i heard certain things from my SIL(my cousin bro's wife...my aunt's DIL)....

she was tortured by her MIL it seems....my father too confirmed it...but then she never stayed with her MIL more 10 years of marriage(thats the max-should be less cant be more for sure) but as far as i could remember,she stayed away from her ILs for more than 25 years now,i hardly remember her MIL paying a visit to her place,my uncle(aunt's hubby) does make rare visits to his mother.....my aunt stayed away from her BILs SIls as well....my bro(aunt's son) tries to attend all their(father side) family functions,not his mom(my aunt)....most shocking news is my aunt dint go for her MIL's funeral...we all were so shocked to hear this...

my aunt on the other hand doenst insist her DIL to stay with her...she stays seperately but gives long advices of how to behave with MIL,how a DIL should dress up this and that...so many things...

another horror part is my SIL doesnt have just one mil,3 mils(my other aunts who have no kids)....poor my SIL....one MIL after the other pays a visit and screw up her happiness:-(

this aunt's daughter is happily married and stayed with her MIL only for few months..she stays in north india with her DH and kids...its been more than 10 years of marriage but she pays rare visit to her MIL(once or max twice a year),infact tries to avoid seeing her MIL....she too had advised my SIL(her SIL too) how to behave with MIL...how funny na?!!!...hahahhaa :rotfl

My SIL(bro's wife) is advised (about how to be happy with ILs) by people(MILs,SIL) who have never stayed,not even valued or cared for their ILs...what a funny world

another comedy part is my aunt(father's elder sis) has advised my mother how to be patient with MIL,how to treat her well etc etc...my mother kept her MIL and her SIL (another aunt)with her right from beginning (right from the time she got married) and stayed with MIL in her death bed and helped her so much..my granny just like many other MIL did whatever she could to my mother...my mother never opened her mouth even to us(untill last year-after 24 years)on the other hand my granny told so many ill things about my mother and her family when me and my sis were young and we believed her in that age....:bonk....

i believe it just runs in the blood

girijam · Dec 15, 2011

my MIL never like her MIL. she dont want to see her as much as possible. she visits her mil (on bed) (good grand ma) approximately once in 3 years. My MIL always wants us to stay with them. she wants sil also to stay with them. my sil also dont visit her mil. she always wants us to stay with my mil.

too much entertainment

AkilaMani · Dec 15, 2011

My MIL always lived with hers and I too am living with her, initially it was on and off, but after my FIL retired, they have been with us. She liked being with her MIL and she always recollects her stay with her MIL with great fondness and affection. Of course they had their differences, but i think the mutual love and respect they had for each other gave them the strength and williness to accept one another.

I too love being with my MIL. she is a person with good understanding and she always deeply cares for me for which i am ever greatful.

The relationship with our ILs is what we make them to be.... both from our side and also from theirs. I think we both have to put our best foot forward from day one to make the magic work. It is not about boasting my god-sent MIL, we too have our differences in so many matters, but being mature about it always makes it better to deal with. This is just my opinion dearies

sheel · Dec 15, 2011

I am literally laughing inside at reading all posts..considering that all world is same..

"My DIL should stay with me..My Daughter should stay with her in-laws..If Problem happens in own house..DIL is the fault..If problem happens in daughter house..Her MIL is not good.."

deepa10 · Dec 15, 2011

Nice thread! My MIL stayed with her MIL (Grand ma of my husband, I will refer her as grand ma henceforth) in a joint family for a long time. This grand ma was a nice lady and she had three sons. All of these three co-sisters lived together in a joint family. I heard that grand ma used to teach how to cook and everything to all her DIL's (that is my MIL's) and she has taught them so many things. but she passed away few years ago, and my MIL respects her and prays her and asks us to pray her whenever we start something new. This grand ma was backbone for her husband and bcoz of her only he started a business and reached heights!

I was really surprised to hear this and from then on, I too used to pray her for all our well beings.

IlovemyMom · Dec 15, 2011

My MIL wants us to stay with her. Even though she is in good health she wants me to take care of her. I have to do all work, look after my baby and she will take rest. But do you think that she would have stayed with her in-laws? Nope. She didn't stay with her MIL and also doesn't have any contact with any of her husband's relatives. She is close only with her brothers and sisters and wants me to be like that, talking to her brothers, my SIL etc. also she doesn't like my parents. As of now we are in US. But they want us to come to India so that she can stay with us. Soon we may go to India. I don't know what's going to happen.

chandy939 · Dec 16, 2011

My MiL never stayed with her in-laws or a joint family.Given a choice she wanted to continue that way even after her sons got married but F-i-l ensured he would live with his DS1 (my DH).Very conveniently they made the move before our marriage itself so that I would not have a choice...but I feel sorry for my m-i-l at times bcoz she always has this in the back of her mind and keeps cursing my f-i-l for it whenever there is some argument at home!

ivlakshmi · Dec 16, 2011

Hi Sheel,
My ex MIl is just the same as ur's.. She never stayed with MIL through out but expects her son to keep her with him.. She just wants DIL to work for her, and she wants to enjoy the riches earned by her son

iyerponnu · Dec 16, 2011

I think my mom-in-law is in the club too... She lived with her in-laws, ie my husband's grandparents and the rest of the family for about 8 to 10 months.. my in-laws' words - they (grandparents) left on their own accord, no idea what happened at all. I still cant believe it. My mom-in-law is a perfectionist, and she would like certain things done in a certain way. If they are not done right, she would get upset, and I think the rest of the family didnt abide by that. My husband's aunts had love marriages and their then suitors would be home everyday (some 38 years back, that would have been scandalous).. when my mom-in-law pointed that out, it was not liked.. apart from that, I am sure there must have been other things which eventually led to the grandparents walking out! But my inlaws always say that they knew nothing about this.. My dad-in-law had a touring job, so my mom-in-law was alone most of the time.. read, with her parents..After her mom died, her father moved in with them, and lived there till he passed away. In the interim periods, my mom-in-law 'helped' her in-laws so much.. Apparently she went to look after her FIL for a few days when he was sick..

Oh, I can go on about this... After all this, she will talk to me about how a married girl's place is with her in-laws.. I once told my husband that what is going to answer if I ask her the same thing.. His reply to me was she did what was necessary..and it was not necessary for her to live with her in-laws... As of now, I live away, but whn the day comes, I will be with them...

Mythili