How Long To Wait Before Going Back To Work?

Absolutely no regret for leaving the kids for work.

I am a strong believer that a woman must have financial independence, no matter how great her marriage is.
Having financial independence, and the sense of achievement is far different from supporting to the luxuries of your family.
If a woman's career is just for the latter, she can obviously make a choice, whether to work or not.
However, if it is the former, the term choice may not be the right choice. It is the need. Need to go back to work, need to be on a career. Need to have the independence, and need to provide for the family (not just for the luxuries, but in some cases women are the primary bread winners).

However, a woman's priority changes with their motherhood. Just because she needs to be in a career doesn't mean she can take risks with her child. No woman will be ready for it.
However, staying with the child alone, won't provide all the nourishment to a child in all circumstance. This is where a woman - may be together with her spouse, should make a decision.

In my opinion, a child gets a family-like feeling if she/he is left with a caring grand parent at the absence of her parents.
If that luxury is not available, a child should be sent to a well screened day care center. I have very bad experience with these day cares whenever I have tried to send my kids in the past. Because I could never trust them, so I would do my own assessments and screening via various sources.
But I was not satisfied with the findings. Even I have told some of the known moms who have sent their kids to the well-branded day cares then.

But my mom was there as a pillar of support when I had to leave my kids at her care.
I returned back to work when my first kid was 1 yr. But with the second one, 1 could not stay more than 6 months after her birth.
However, my office gave me so much flexibility till she turned 1 year. Including 2hrs feeding time daily, in addition to the 1 hr lunch break. It was a usual 8 hr job from 9-5.
I had moved my home somewhere very near to my office, so that I could utilize these 3 golden hrs with my child without any traffic nuisance.
Also, my kid was sleeping at least 2 times a day, which means she was blessed with the luxury of being with her mom most of the time when she was awake, despite of me working outside.
That gave me a relief as well.

I have no guilty for leaving my kids at their younger age for work. Many of my peers/relatives are stay at home moms/optional workers etc. However, I don't think I have given any less love for my kids because of those few hrs outside of the house.
I was able to provide a very beautiful life with all the needed comforts, experience, exposure and also the luxuries to my kids with the blessing of my job.

 

During pregancy I worked till the last day and worked throughout pregnancy, not a single day off. I was lucky to have no MS. Then after baby born, I went back to work after 2 months. This was wrong decision of course. As per US law, I could have easily taken 3 months off. But how difficult it is in US with insurance and all that. I do not know about other women, but my body/mind was not ready and it took me 1 yr to get back into my old self ( not talking about body shape which is still out of, or physical healthiness) but just emotionally and be able to walk, travel, shop that I am a also a woman.

 

I am thinking abt the same question, when should I go back to work? Was thinking off once my boy is 2, but sometimes kind of confused, as most of the time, I'm cleaning cooking diff food ( for dh, mil, mil 's sil) I'm left with less hrs with kids, so wonder if my longer career break is really benefiting my kids or mil ?

 

Hi

Nice topic..

I was working for same company for 5yrs, so i was able to get work from home..

From day 1 of pregnancy complete 34 weeks i got work from home option.

Then 3 months maternity leave and 1 month extra as baby was preterm.. And i had 1 month of annual leave. So together i had 5months of leave with baby..

I was confused to join right away,
or take 6 months unpaid sabbatical and join when he was 11months,
or quit and stay till baby is 2 to 3 years.

But by then my dh got project in usa, and decided to quit job.. Now spending time with my little one full time..

Many people these days buy house car and would have commited emi's or other financial commitments so they will be forced to go..

Before getting pregnant i always used to say i will join back at 5months.. But now i feel i need be with my son min till 3yrs.

So its all people choice and circumstances nothing is right or wrong.. And kids grow well with all cases..

But till 3 to 5years if we have parents or inlaws to monitor maid or receive kids once they come home it will be good..
Otherwise daycare will be much safer.

 

There is no right or wrong rule, getting back to work depends on various factors right from financial needs, family support, priorities, baby condition everything...

For us spending quality time with baby is top priority and dont want to miss a single milestone and single day bonding with our baby...so I took 1yr break in my career and spent quality time with my baby!!! Now got back to work with no regrets...she got into pace and doing great in the daycare....

 

Somehow I don't prefer my mil to take care of my kids, well she did for my dd, even though I prefered not to give dd to her, but dh was confident and since he works at nite mostly he was saying most of the time he will be there to look after dd.

But when my mil wanted to do potty training for my dd at 6 mth ( dd is an extreme prematur baby, can't sit yet at 6mth) I was pissed n dh voiced out to his mom, plus some other occasion where mil acted and commented that she is the one raised dd, that really pissed me off. One thing for sure I want to raise my kids then enroll them to good day care centre/ nursery very near to work place where I can check on them whenever I want. I am willing to take lower grade Job, or pay cut , hopefully I get such offer..... Till then I'm at home I guess .

 

I think it depends on many factors-
financial situation, health condition of the mom during pregnancy and post delivery and her ability to work during this time, availability of family support and nannies for childcare, and to a large extent it depends on the nature of work and the HR policies, flexibility ex etc offered by the organisation where the woman works.
Let me give some examples of coworkers in my previous company ( I'm in India)...

one lady concieved and was quite healthy during pregnancy..she worked till 8th month and her manager allowed her with for 2 days every week..they allotted laptop to her and after 8 th month till delivery she did wfh..after 3 months maternity leave and couple of months leave without pay she worked from home continuously till her kid completed about 1 year..after that she made arrangement for nanny and started working from office and she continued working from home 1-2 days a work with flexible timing till that project got over.. She was lucky in my opinion.

One more lady suffered from morning sickness and complications during her pregnancy...her project was hectic and manager was not flexible..she had to work from 9-6 every day, in between was unwell and was adviced bed rest due to complication, and they dint let her take leaves..in between she did wfh for 1 month and again had to come back to office till 9 th month..after delivery when she exhausted 3 months maternity leave she requested for additional leaves, they agreed only 2 months loss of pay..after that she requested 1 month work from home till she could wean her baby from breast milk..they refused and were forcing her to take additional responsibilities and work extra hours..I guess she dint have very good family support for child care and was not keeping well..hence she couldn't join and they put her on bench and HR were pressuring her to quit. Don't know what happened after that.

I have seen that many companies and many managers are very unfriendly to pregnant women..if they sense that a woman is going to plan for baby they won't allot good project to her ..as a rule many projects do not give work from home option or medical leave to ladies, including new moms unless there is some emergency..and most companies have 9.5-10 hrs mandatory working hours with no flexibility and pathetic transport facilities..I heard of cases where Indian nannies and Indian day ares are negligent in looking after toddlers and end up causing harm..and many in laws refusing to look after grand kids as they want their independence or due to health reasons they are unable to look after the kid..many ladies are unable to cope up with work in such conditions and are unable to balance their new responsibilities and end up quitting..sad but true.

 

I have two kids, worked until last day of my delivery. for my first kid, She was born on Saturday and I went office until Friday..for second, I had c section scheduled on Monday and worked until Friday.This was not because some one asked, it was because I wanted to be active. Even on Sunday (C section was scheduled on Monday), I went to temple 20 miles from my place then to have dinner out another 20 miles . Regarding work, per my opinion there is no right-wrong. it's mother who knows what is good. During my elder one I joined work back when she was 5 month old (had my SIL to take care) and then moved her to day care when she was 9 month. Same with my younger , started her daycare at 9 month of age. I did not have any financial issue or family pressure to join work but I wanted to join work. There was something I was missing at every minute. Quality time - I do spend lots of QUALITY time with my kids and accompany them wherever other moms do (like dropping kids in school, play time. hobby classes or any birthday party etc). There is nothing what my kids are not doing except afternoon nap with Mamma or watching daily soaps with mamma Household work and making dinner is never a priority for me (or DH) but kids are. Sometimes we eat out or leave home messy.. we clean only when kids are sleeping.