How long do U BreastFeed ur baby???

Hello Mangaii,

You may be thankful to the docs for "pushing" breastfeeding on me but I am NOT because it had an adverse effect on me. It is good to be SUPPORTIVE and ENCOURAGING about breastfeeding but not PUSHY. Do you see the difference? I am not against breastfeeding nor do I discount the scientific evidence supporting breastfeeding. I am against the pressure that is put on the new moms to breastfeed.

Many new moms feel so guilty that their babies took a couple of bottles of formula. There is nothing wrong in combining breastfeeding and formula feeding. You get benefits of both the worlds. Formula may not be as good as breast milk but it is not poison. Many moms feels so guilty that they will not be able to bond with their babies well because they were unable to breastfed their baby. Why be so hard on new moms ??


You may think that my DH did a great job in pushing me to breastfeed. I don't think so because you were not in my shoes. I would have been happy if my DH had been supportive and respected my pain tolerance levels. By being pushy he only ended up creating a lot of stress in our lives. Though he may have had the best interests of me and the baby in mind but I would have been preferred to have been treated as an adult.

A mother does not have to take the complete responsibility of feeding her baby every two hours. This idea creates unnecessary pressure on the mother. The completely broken sleep patterns makes the healing process much harder and does not help the mother to bond with the baby. One of my friends let her husband feed her daughter pumped breast milk during the first one month. The result was that she could get a few extra hours of sleep and this greatly helped her in recovering and in bonding with her baby better.

Yes, I have visited the hospital and I know how damn good the place is. FYI during my entire pregnancy I was under the care of perinatologists from Stanford. They are THE best docs I have seen. The neonatology dept in Stanford is top noch. The only reason I decided to delivery in Washington was because I had to always be near the closest hospital due to my condition. So lady please reserve your opinion.

Can you please point out one suggestion that I said that is incorrect to do !!!! I am not telling women that formula feeding is the best I am just telling them to understand their limitations and do the best they can to breastfeed their child. What I say might be incorrect according to you but that is just your opinion.

The fact that you have met people who have suffered more than me does not in anyway make my experience less painful. Did you personally go through the same suffering ?? If you had maybe your opinions might have been different. You must understand that our experiences and hence our perspectives are different.

This is not the La Leche club. The charter of this forum is not to "push" breastfeeding on other moms. Each mom can express what she wishes according to her personal experiences. So let us agree to disagree in our views. You can give the best advice to new moms you would like and I would like to do the same.

And if I was your real life friend I would helped you to be more graceful in accepting divergent perspectives :cheers


Thanks,
Kavya.

 

Well said Vanathi !!

 

I am very disappointed to read some comments here. I would like to tell my opinion here and if anybody is feeling it is unnecessary waste of time and energy please do not read further.

First of all many ladies in this forum do not have DH / relatives / friends with whom they can discuss their feelings. These ladies want to vent out their feelings, emotions, frustrations, guilt somewhere and they find this forum very useful that way. Because many ladies can relate to the problem that a person mentions here. They come up with solutions, suggestions, try to console, pray or atleast give a message that "yes I know what you are going through". But some may not understand these because they would have never gone through such situations and they may not be able to relate to it.

Under these circumstances if the people who do not understand / relate to other's problems / situations, feel that it is unnecessary waste of time and energy, they should just not reply to such posts at all. I really feel this that ladies here should stop judging others and stop saying that these ladies are just drowning themselves in self-pity. These are really harsh words - especially for people who are already undergoing some troubles.

Dhivya,
I am really sorry if i gave you wrong direction by telling about my feelings. I certainly do not wish to force things upon you. I only meant to say my feelings and I do not want anyother lady here to undergo the guilt that i am going through. That was all my intention. I am sorry if I have done something wrong here.

Amitha

 

I would like to thank Vanathi, Kavya, Latha, Dhivya for being very kind. I do understand that more than anything loving our kids and doing good things for them is important. Somehow it is struck at the back of my mind. With my first pregnancy I went through 48 hours of labour without any pain medications and ended up having c-section. I was really disappointed that time - it took almost 7 months to forget the disappointment. It was as if i missed a wonderful opportunity of my life.

And this time around doctor scared the hell out of me. When I did get into the hospital for c-section I was having contractions every 3 minutes once and guess what I could not feel a thing. But I was so scared that I would hurt my baby if something went wrong, I didn't ask them to do a VBAC. This is why I feel very bad about it.

Anyway now I am having a lot of complications after my c-section. I have pain on the right side of my stomach, I am bleeding every 15days once, naval region has not gone back to its original shape and it is paining on the right side and worst of all, I have severe back-pain because of the epidural. It is impossible sometimes to hold baby and tears roll down automatically. My OB/GYN did a pregnancy test when I told her about the bleeding - I really wonder why she did that. And she said this happens in some breastfeeding women - is that really true?

Amitha

 

Hi Riyasmommy,

If you feel some moms here are unnecessarily wasting YOUR time and energy by talking about their past experiences, please refrain from reading and responding to their posts and spend YOUR energy more usefully elsewhere. I agree with what Amitha says. We are all here to share and care. All of us have had different experiences and so have different perspectives.

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

Hi Amitha,

I understand what you are saying. Just because some of the folks here have had a positive experience they seem to be insensitive towards the experiences of other people. We are here to share and care.

I can understand your disappointment over not having a VBAC delivery. But now that the C section has been done what can you do. Feeling guilty is not going to help you feel any better. Maybe with time you will be able to accept it and move on.

I also had pain on the right side of my stomach for many months after my C section but that pain eventually went away. I don't know if the epidural gave me back pain but the back pain also went away after I started doing yoga regularly. The back pain may also be because of the posture in which you hold the baby. My periods resumed within 3 months after my delivery though I was breastfeeding my son. Due to potential law suits I know how the docs in the US scare the **** out of us. If you are in doubt get a second opinion from another gynec. Cheer up !!!

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

Hi Amitha,
Birth Matters |
Read this article it will surely help you to overcome your feelings
This is a little abstract from the article
I am grateful, grateful beyond words for the blessing of my children. They are miracles. The day they were taken out of me was one of the worst days of my life. Yet I am grateful for them, though not for what was done to me. My physical body might have recovered well enough to be called 'healthy' but my spirit was deeply wounded and then neglected. I was not healthy. I know my children suffered because of that. I have a lot to be grateful for but not for their birth, never for their birth. Understanding and accepting that makes me truly healthy. Admitting the horror of their birth frames the love I have for them in a way that astonishes me----amazed at what I went through because of my love for them, I now know I really would die for them if needed.
Thanks
Mangai

 

Dear Amitha,

I must also tell you that i went through a feeling just opposite of what you have told here. My first one was c-section after a normal labor. Even after my 2nd delivery being normal i still believe that decision was taken by my doctor for the best. So for the 2nd one i chose to have a VBAC (i must thank god for my doctors who were very supportive). But i didn't know the pain after inducing would be so sudden and unbearable. I started shouting for a c-section In my case my doc at the hospital was very very kind, didn't loose patience despite me throwing tantrums like a child and encouraged me to try pain killers and finally gave epidural to calm me down. Only because of her and the mid-wives i could achieve the end result. If not I would have happily said yes to a repeat c-section:hide:.

I only wanted to tell you that you're not guilty in any way. This whole delivery process is not ONLY in your hands. The team of staff assisting you must also be supportive. May be they thought, in your 1st delivery, that c-section was the best option available. For a person who believes a lot in vaginal delivery that can no doubt be a disappointment, I understand! I wasn't like determined to have only vaginal delivery so i can't realise how deeply hurt you are. But I wish you all the best to come over the guilt and also recover quick. After all if we are not healthy and happy we cannot take care of our family, right?

Take care... Latha

 

Ladies,

With due respect to all our experiences and feelings, I feel that we have hijacked this thread way too far. Please let us get back to the original title... amen!

Latha

 

I agree

Amitha