How Indian Marriages start in the 21st Century in USA

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by umasridharan, Aug 21, 2006.

  1. umasridharan

    umasridharan Senior IL'ite

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    The Awkward First Phone Call
    *SENTENCES WRITTEN IN CAPS ARE THOUGHTS..UNSPOKEN WORDS*

    The Scene:
    The Girl is a 23 year old investment banker working in <st1:State><st1:place>New York</st1:place></st1:State>. The Boy is doing his residency in <st1:City><st1:place>Boston</st1:place></st1:City> and was given her number by his mother, who is a friend of the Girl's aunt's brother-in-law's cousin's uncle's wife in <st1:City><st1:place>Chicago</st1:place></st1:City>. CAPS are unspoken thoughts.
    Monday night, <st1:time minute="0" hour="22">10 pm</st1:time>
    Girl: Hello?
    Boy: ****, SHE'S HOME!
    Umm, hi! Is this ---?
    Girl: Speaking.
    Boy: My name is ---. I don't know if you know who I am-GOD, WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO I AM? I'LL SOUND LIKE A COMPLETE IDIOT. HELL, I ALREADY SOUND LIKE A COMPLETE IDIOT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M DOING THIS!
    Girl: Oh, you live in <st1:City><st1:place>Boston</st1:place></st1:City>, right?
    Boy: Yeah.
    OK, SHE WAS TOLD ABOUT ME, THAT'S A FUCKING RELIEF. I WONDER WHAT SHE WAS TOLD - "HE'S A RESIDENT, TALL, AND FAIR, AND HE GRADUATED FROM <st1:place><st1:placeName>IVY</st1:placeName> <st1:placeName>LEAGUE</st1:placeName> <st1:placeType>SCHOOL</st1:placeType></st1:place>!" GOD, SHE PROBABLY HATES ME ALREADY!
    Girl: Yeah, my mother mentioned you had my number.
    I CAN'T BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY CALLED!
    Boy: So, how are you?
    OH YEAH, THAT'S REAL ORIGINAL, BUT WHAT THE HELL ELSE I AM SUPPOSED TO SAY- UMM, HI, I DON'T KNOW YOU, BUT DO YOU WANT TO BE WIFE?
    Girl: I'm fine. And you?
    OK, THIS IS OFF TO A GREAT FUCKING START...
    Boy: I'm good.
    OK, THINK, THINK!
    So, I heard you're an investment banker?
    OH, THAT'S A REAL WINNER. NOW I CAN BE A BAD CONVERSATIONALIST AND AN IDIOT!
    Girl: Yes.
    Boy: OK, SHE IS NOT HELPING ME AT ALL!
    Where do you work?
    Girl: Merrill Lynch. (This could be me except I'm not an investment banker.)
    Boy: Hey, that's a great firm!
    I SOUND LIKE A COMPLETE <st1:City><st1:place>MORON</st1:place></st1:City>. I SHOULD JUST HANG UP EXCEPT MY MOTHER WOULD SOMEHOW FIND OUT AND KILL ME!
    Girl: Yeah, it's a nice place to work.
    GOD, THIS <st1:place><st1:placeName>GUY</st1:placeName> <st1:placeName>SOUNDS</st1:placeName></st1:place> LIKE A COMPLETE LOSER
    Boy: So...
    STALL, STALL!
    Girl: So you're doing your residency in cardiology?
    LIKE MY MOM DIDN'T TELL ME THAT 500 TIMES ALREADY!
    Boy: Ok, I can handle this...Yeah, I'm in my second year
    ALRIGHT, NOW SAY SOMETHING ELSE, BUT WHAT DO I SAY? DO YOU DRINK AND HAVE SEX? CAUSE IF YOU WANT TO MARRY ME, YOU CAN'T BE ONE OF THOSE GOODY GOODY SOUTH ASIAN GIRLS WHO THINK IF THEY KISS A GUY THEY'VE PRACTICALLY GONE ALL THE WAY
    So, what do you like to do in your free time?
    Girl: UMM... GET WASTED...
    Oh, you know, hang out with my friends, go to movies.
    Boy: Where do you like to hang out in NY?
    Girl: ****, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?
    THIS GUY COULD BE SOME RELIGIOUS FREAK! I CAN'T SAY BARS - I'LL SAYCLUBS, YOU CAN GO TO CLUBS AND NOT DRINK...
    Oh, sometimes we go to the movies, or there's a couple clubs that are good...
    THAT WAS GOOD, I MADE IT SOUND LIKE I LIKE CLUBS, BUT I'M NOT REALLY INTO THEM...
    Boy: OK, SHE GOES TO CLUBS, THAT'S A GOOD SIGN. IF SHE WAS REALLY RELIGIOUS SHE WOULDN'T DO THAT.
    Yeah? I like to dance also.
    Girl: HE LIKES TO DANCE- THAT'S A GOOD SIGN. HE CAN'T BE THAT STIFF!
    So where do you hang out in <st1:City><st1:place>Boston</st1:place></st1:City>?
    Boy: SHOULD I SAY IT- ALRIGHT, I'LL SAY IT, WHAT THE HELL! Umm, the same, bars, clubs, stuff like that.
    Girl: HE SAID BARS! SO HE PROBABLY DRINKS.GOOD SIGN. I SHOULD EXPLORE THIS FURTHER...
    Are there any good bars in <st1:City><st1:place>Boston</st1:place></st1:City>?
    Boy: Yeah, there are some nice ones, I mean, I'm not a huge drinker, but I like having a good time.
    OK, THAT GIVES THE IMPRESSION OF SOMEONE WHO ENJOYS DRINKING BUT IS NOT AN ALCOHOLIC -PRETTY GOOD, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF!
    Girl: THAT SOUNDS REALLY POSITIVE. THIS GUY SOUNDS KIND OF COOL. BUT IF HE'S SO COOL WHY IS HE CALLING ME? SHOULDN'T HE HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? OR NOT NEED TO CALL RANDOM GIRLS HIS MOTHER TELLS HIM ABOUT? GOD, WHAT IF HE'S COMPLETELY UGLY? OR HAS NEVER BEEN KISSED?
    Yeah, me too. Although I hope my parents never find out.
    Boy: Yeah. I know exactly what you mean.
    I WONDER IF SHE'S BUTT...
    Girl: OK, SO HE DIDN'T FREAK OUT AT THE LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE REFERENCE-ANOTHER GOOD SIGN. I JUST WISH I KNEW WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE...
    So...
    Boy: OR SHE COULD BE REALLY FAT WITH A HUGE MUSTACHE. WELL, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT!
    So, I know this sounds a little crazy, but I'm visiting some friends in NYC next weekend and I wonder if you'd want to get together for coffee sometime.
    Girl: COFFEE. THAT'S TOTALLY SAFE. IF HE'S TOTALLY NASTY I CAN HAVE A QUICK ESPRESSO AND RUN LIKE HELL!
    Yeah, that sounds great.
    Boy: ALRIGHT THAT WENT PRETTY WELL. COFFEE'S PRETTY HARMLESS. AND WHO KNOWS, MAYBE SHE'LL BE COOL. NOW I HAVE TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS CONVERSATION...
    So I have your e-mail, should I just e-mail you soon and we can figure it out?
    Girl: E-MAIL IS SOOO MUCH BETTER THAN THE PHONE. THANK GOD FOR E-MAIL!
    Yeah, just e-mail, I check it all the time at work, so-
    GOD, THIS IS GETTING PAINFUL
    Boy: Alright, I'll e-mail you soon.
    MEANING IN TWO DAYS CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LOOK TOO DESPERATE, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE I'M TRYING NOT TO LOOK TOO DESPERATE...
    Girl: Cool. Well, I'm glad you called.
    I THINK...
    Boy: Me too. Well, I'll see you soon.
    PLEASE BE HOT, PLEASE BE HOT!
    Girl: Alright. Bye.
    I CAN'T BELIEVE HE CALLED! TOO LATE TO BACK OUT NOW. BESIDES, MAYBE HE'S COOL. HE DIDN'T SOUND SO BAD ON THE PHONE. I REALLY HOPE HE'S NOT A VIRGIN.
    Boy: Bye.
    I DID IT! I AM THE MAN. I THINK SHE WANTS ME. YEAH, SHE DEFINITELY WANTS ME. I HOPE SHE HAS NICE BOOBS!
     
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