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How hard is it to adopt?

Discussion in 'Adoption' started by SallyR, Jan 13, 2012.

  1. SallyR

    SallyR Silver IL'ite

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    Hi everyone,

    I would very much like to adopt a child from India but not sure how difficult it is.

    We prefer to adopt a boy because I have 2 girls & my husband would love to have a son, who he can share his boyish interests with (like football, bike, cars, etc).

    Another preference is the age, ideally we would like to adopt a child of 6 to 7 years of age. Main reason for this is that my younger daughter wants a sibling closer to her age.

    Little bit about myself. I'm an Indian citizen living in the UK (for the past 10 years). I'm in my mid-thirties and my husband is in his early forties. We are both well-educated and hold good jobs.

    I don't have clue about adoption procedures and if my dream of adopting will ever come true. I would appreciate if you could give me more information.

    Thanks :)
     
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  2. teacher

    teacher Platinum IL'ite

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    Well, you start by looking up accredited agencies which do home studies in you area. The CARA website should have listings of agencies by country...only the list is not always updated. Double check to see if your county's child welfare department is in charge of home studies for out of country adoptions. I know the US requires that the agency be Hague Convention accredited. I don't know if UK has the same requirement. If you talk to the agency, they should be able to give you information on immigration paperwork for the child. Some countries require you start that process first.
    Here's the CARA website...

    Central Adoption Resource Authority


    Are you both Indian citizens? In that case it should be easier than if you were a different passport holder. Again, the wait is shorter if you want to adopt an older child.

    Good luck.
     
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  3. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Sally,

    Even I have similar interest but never dare to think further.Because I am not sure how far I can justify a mother role for the adopted son having our own kids.Do you have any of those fears????Would you throw more light on this and your feeling for the adoption.
     
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  4. SallyR

    SallyR Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for the info Teacher. I'll contact a agency listed for UK soon as possible. My husband apparently heard from his colleagues that UK is also looking for prospective adoptive parents. We'll be trying that as well but might have to foster before adopting here (that should be ok).

    We are both Indian passport holders for the moment but my husband would be changing his this year.
     
  5. SallyR

    SallyR Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Priya,

    I did worry me and have thought about it a lot...I feel that we are capable of giving so much love. The reasons I think I'm capable of giving motherly love to an adopted child are...

    1. I have had other kids over (like neighbours, my daughters friends, friends children, etc) for many occasions and always had affection towards them when they're in my care.
    2. We have pets and the love them so much. If I can love another being who is not biologically related to me then I should be capable of loving another child.
    3. The love I have for my husband especially when he is in need of care. He was stranger to me when I fist met him but now he is part of my life.

    I think having our own kids can be taken as an advantage as well. We have experience in taking care of kids, we know the hardship involved (like sleepless nights, sickness, childish tantrums, etc.) so should be able to cope with it better.

    My feelings for adoption...I always even before marriage wanted to adopt. In an world all children would be brought up by parents who love them & give them the care they need but we know that our world is less than ideal. As an individual with limited resources, I can't change the whole world but at least can make a difference to a single child. I am fairly confident that I can offer a stable & loving environment for a child who has been denied of those things. If adoption is not possible I am planning to sponsor poor children instead.

    I believe that motherly love like other kinds of love can be developed with effort, patience & tolerance.
     
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  6. cj1980

    cj1980 Gold IL'ite

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    Sally,

    As someone else pointed out, you must make sure that you adopt through an agency that is approved by CARA. As far as the adoption process is concerned, it is never easy! I think international adoptions are a wee bit complicated than domestic ones, as well as more expensive. But I guess if you are really ready to face any obstacle to bring a son to your home, you will be able to make it through the red tape and all the documentation! Good luck!
     
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  7. Megalife

    Megalife Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Sally
    You know something, people like you who bear noble thoughts makes the world a lot happier place to live! I read your post with awe and interest. I have seen issueless go in for adoption as a last resort. We have yet many who hold back adoption for silly reasons like caste difference, fear of friends and relatives.......despite not having their own kids. You do stand apart in you thoughts and I really admire you.
    A boy will add a lot of spice to your household, you may not get to see your dh a lot after this. It will be a boys world! Good luck with your plans, somebody somewhere is waiting for you.
    Mega
     
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  8. SallyR

    SallyR Silver IL'ite

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    I'll make sure that I only contact agencies approved by CARA. I was not expecting the adoption process to be easy but hope it's not impossible.

    Thanks for the support CJ :)
     
  9. SallyR

    SallyR Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot for your kind words Megalife.

    My dh loves talking about sports, cars, bikes, etc with our friend's male children & love buying gifts for them. I know that he is going to spoil the boy with his love & gifts.

    I'm sure a son will make a big difference (in a positive way) to our household. I have already started preparing my daughters to the idea of having a younger brother. All of us are excited about the prospect of a new family member, hopefully wait is not going to be too long!
     
  10. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    I dont know how it is in UK, but in US you cannot adopt a kid from another country, unless you are a citizen of US.
     

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