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How Do I Say No

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vedhavalli, Oct 12, 2019.

  1. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Take it as a challenge op.
    This is a new skill for you to learn from IL.
    Every time she asks....you repeat the same.
    Let us all see if you can do it.
    Go girl....we are cheering for team ' Say no to coaching ':cheer:
     
  2. mangaii

    mangaii Gold IL'ite

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    If your daughter was in similar situation as you what would you advice her ?

    Apply the same advice to you.
     
  3. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    @Vedhavalli, next time she asks, say "I'm sorry but that won't be possible." Then change the subject immediately. If you give her an excuse, she'll find a way around it.

    Tell her she can take over your chores — cooking, cleaning, laundry — to free up your time for teaching her kid. :smilingimp:
    .
     
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Tell her you are already occupied with India calls (MIL ;)) and you are so tired of it. So no free time at all :grinning::cheer:
    Even after saying this she can’t understand then she is indeed very stubborn :p
     
    Anusha2917 likes this.
  5. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    The bold-ing of font is by me.

    You might be blowing this out of proportion by clubbing it with all the times people have pestered you for help. This is the first time this friend made a request for help, and you have had to say no to her only twice so far.
    Many useful suggestions and tactics have been shared in the responses. I find it to be an interesting discussion. You have already done well by citing the reason for no, offering her alternates, and repeating the no.

    The problem is in defining what saying no means. Saying no means exactly that - say no, as many times as needed. It does not mean that you have to make the other person stop asking for that help. You have started well with the no saying to this friend, keep it up. Each time, make your reason briefer and try to offer a new work-around. Once in a while, add, "I will let you know if anything changes in regards to my availability."

    Since she has asked only for this help, and bugged you only once after the initial request, maybe try to be a little gentler in how you view her request. When it comes to things involving one's child's development, joy, education, experiencing something, a parent's judgement can get clouded. She simply thinks that her child getting exposure to mother-tongue is worth imposing on your weekend time. In the long run, most of us end up asking unreasonable requests from other people such as teachers, fast-food drive-thru cashiers (for hard to find currently-very-popular toys), amusement park ride height checkers to let our "short by just one inch" child go on the ride....

    End of pravachana. : )
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2019
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  6. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    These examples :thumbup:pinged my own memory archives for all the unreasonable customizations I had asked of people. :flushed:
     
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  7. kaluputti

    kaluputti Gold IL'ite

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    Dear,
    Yes, I understand now that you are being too polite..it is very good to be polite, andone of the toughest things to do in life is to say "No" to people closer to us. But we are acting in the best interest of ourselves, when no other person ,excepting ourselves can have full responsibility...Being honest and refusing politely is not a crime and if you do it one time you can feel the sense of heppiness that comes from being free of something you dont want to do, and being honest to your friend and yourself...It is priceless.
    Secondly, when you have quoted the reasons and had backed out, a friend in the true sense of the term should have understood you, instead pressurising you means to question yourself as to whether we should be too polite to such persons. If a true friend, though initially upset , will understand and continue to be your friend...!
     
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  8. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you for detailed answer I appreciate it to learn other perspectives. This person won't take a no for no.
    I tried telling her 3-4 no times. Now asking if I can offer on holidays.
    I don't understand why she can't understand or pretend as if she didn't understand. Asked to check online resources which are flexible with time and date.
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2019
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  9. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    I told her" I can't my entire week is occupied. I'm sorry I can't teach your son". Pls see to other classes or online tutoring.
    I was simply straight and polite.
    Worst is yet to come, she told me "ok, no problem, you teach on school holidays time"

    I have told a straight Noooo , still she isn't giving up finding a different route.
    How more straight I can be?
    Why she pretending as if she doesn't understand? I don't understand.
     
  10. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    I told her very clearly I can't teach. My week is occupied. Pls look elsewhere. She is counting my holidays for classes.
    I'm stressed out, why people don't understand when I say I can't do it. Drill questions and assume I'm free at thier service.
     

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