How Do Girls Live With Their In Laws?

Read the relationship forum and have a hearty laughter. I did not mean anything offensive.
Since you are not asking for a solution and wants to know where others are facing similar issues, the best recommendation from my side will be to read relationship forum.
In fact, this forum only brought me here....

 

First of all, it was your mistake to accept a joint family living set-up, hoping everything will be perfect.
The more you are prepared, the less you are worried.

Secondly, almost all your problems are similar to any joint family living set up. How you take it, and how better you are at ignoring it, will determine your peace of living.

Be firm when you give your response to her, at the same time, make sure your tone is still sweet.
Don't lose your patience.

And more importantly, don't try to lose yourself by trying to prove yourself to others.

Having this in mind, let's try to answer the pointers you have quoted above.

1. if i go to the wash room, she 'll ask - you went to the washroom? is your stomach upset?!?
Tell her " No ma.. I just had a bowel movement, and it is normal"
2. she will make food that she likes, doesn't allow me to cook what i want - hates the food that i cook, says don't enter kitchen - i cant even think when someone else is in the kitchen. she will give away the food i made to the maid.
Tell her " It is OK if she hates your food. Make sure your H loves your food. Enter the kitchen, and start cooking at your convenience. If she says anything, tell her "Ma, I am cooking for myself and my H at my home. Do you have any reservations?
Also, If she throws away your food, tell her "Ma, why did you give my food to the maid? I was planning to eat it, and serve the same to my H. The next time, please ask me before giving my food to anyone.
Be firm, and bold when you talk. But show the much needed patience and sweetness in your tone, so no one can mistake you. (I mean, your H, your FIL, and others).

3. If i do something, shes like 'why did you do this?' , if i don't do something she'll be like 'why didn't you do this?'
Each time, answer her.
By words, or by actions. Don't show her that you are getting irritated by her questions.
If the question is, why did you do this... tell her "I did this for this".
Again, give a bold answer, looking straightly on her eyes, and move away.... Don't wait for her comments.

4. When i wear saree for a function, she'll be like no no no you are wearing it all wrong, open it, i will put it for you.
The next time, tell her " No ma... I am fine. I don't need your help"
Change the topic, or move away.

5. extremely controlling to the point of dictating how hot or cold water her son (my hubby) should drink water , how cold water will get him cold . don't eat this, you will get acidity. don't eat that, its not healthy.
This needs to be worked out with your H. I am still struggling to make my H understand that he is not suppose to blindly obey whatever his mom says.
But some men are wired that way, and it is pointless to waste our time on this.
If I were you, I would let that between the son and mom. Let them handle.
If she says the water I gave to my H is not upto her standards, then I will stop giving him water. Rather I would ask him to drink from his mom instead.
This way, he gets to chose between the 2 of us, or react to what his mom says.
But if she is to comment what I drink and eat, I would oppose straight away, stating "Ma, I know what I do, and I am not a kiddo and I do what I have been doing all my life. So, Don't waste your time in changing my way, instead do something better". Again, with the same sweet smile and patience.

 

Hello Dear,
Really sorry for you. Its really tough to live in this kind of environment where each and everything is judged.
I think your mother in law thinks that, only she is right and other person is always wrong.
Thank god, my mother in law is cutie pie. She is very supportive and jovial. She even tell me sometimes to go out for a movie with hubby. As Im a working woman, i dont have much conversation with my mother in law. Once Im back from office, i cook eat and sleep.
I spent time with my in-laws only on Saturdays and Sundays.

If you really want to escape better go job. Atleast u wont be stressed.

 

For cooking let her do and enjoy. If you want to have something else order it from outside. This is the best thing to get hot served food without any efforts. I don't cook the things that take time. If she want to serve that to her son she cook that and I enjoy.

 

I differ from the views of people who say it's your mistake if you chose to live in joint family.
It's not like women dont like to live in joint families provided they get reciprocated with the same love care and affection that women would be willing to give to the new family.
Sadly, in India, the families of son want a traditional bahu who would fit into their joint family and care for them but in return they treat her like a maid or a machine to do work both at home and outside n give salary to them. Even despite that, they are never satisfied and mentally harass and take life out if their dil.
Situations like these are not expected by the girl before marriage as obviously any girl would marry with positive thinking to be happy with her husband n new family.

Because of all these, many women prefer to stay away from inlaws. Which is not selfish. Chosing to live free is not selfish.
Also, many cases nowadays we see that girl says before marriage she dont want to stay with in-laws. Husband agrees for the same but after marriage either due to circumstances or by inlaws emotion blackmail or health issues, ultimately they end up staying with inlaws or in-laws moving in with the married couple.

We need to be mentally prepared to survive in any case. Whether living with them or without.

 

leave the house and stay on your own... there is no other solution .

 

All Indian DIL’s living with IL’s should be awarded a Nobel peace prize !
The best survival mechanism to live with IL’s is to get a job, so one can be out of the home for most of the day. So the only interaction is weeknights and weekends. I know someone that went to “work “ on off days as well, only because she did not want to spend the day with the IL’s.
Also if possible get out of the joint family early in the marriage, the longer you live with them the more complicated it gets to get out. Transfer to a different city, or cite lack of space and move away soon.
Don’t wait till you want to throw all the pots and pans on the IL’s.

Whatever said and done, we indian DIL’s really deserve a pat on our backs!

 

Parry22 Everyone has problems in life. do you think people in nuclear families don't have any problems ?
Just it is different problem. At the end of the day find a strategy to deal with your problems and be peace with it.
That makes your life easier. Set your boundaries and understand your limitations. Find a common ground where everyone can co-exist . Good luck