How can a joint family prepare for the addition of a working dil ?

Almost all of us agree that expecting a working dil to carry out the traditional role of a housewife too is wrong.

We all agree that changes need to be made to the present set up and expectations .

Women are changing too fast,they are getting and excelling in more and more demanding jobs but unfortunately,the families are not keeping pace with the change.

Eventually down the line,things will settle down for better or worse but in the interim time,what are the changes that the joint family can make when they are planning on getting a working dil,so that life is fair for her too?
Here we are assuming that the family will not be ready for major overhaul like the males in the family taking on equal role at home any time soon.

1)Accept that the new member is not a replacement of duty roster for mil. Accept her as a member of the family.

2) Accept that a new member will mean more work for the care taker of the family...who in most cases is the mil. Also that this new member will in due time have little newer member ....so work load is going to increase and a solution should be found before it becomes a problem.

This new member brings in extra money for the family.Even if the dil's money is going into future security of the couple,the combined earning of the couple should ensure that a full time help is kept for the caretaker of the house.

At this stage if they are 2-3 earning members ,then the mil should only do the work she enjoys doing.
E.g...if she enjoys cooking ,then get the helper to chop stuff and do the rest of the house work.

Mil not wanting a maid is not an option unless she is ready to do the grind with guilt trips from her or others. A working dil in the house needs a maid for things to be fair to everyone.

3)Make family comfort a priority. Get better appliances.

E.g,if two families are together,get the biggest washing machine available so that washing can be an alternate day chore.

Get a four five burner gas chullah .Get induction chullah.....more chullahs mean quicker cooking.

4)Let people choose the chores they want to do.(within reason ) If dil is a morning person...let her choose to work in the morning.If she prefers working after coming home ,let her choose to work at night. A person cannot be expected to work both times. If she can get her husband to help her out,there should be no interference. Same with mil and her husband.

5)Accept the concept of families within families.
While you may live in a joint family,accept the couple as a separate entity too. These separate families should have a right to decide on their life as a couple. If they want to have a social life other than the bigger family social life,it should be accepted without grudges .

Please add on and let us keep it positive.:thumbsup
Do forgive if this attempt seems silly. I come from a family of nuclear families on both sides (at least three generations).My experience of JF is limited to the 3-4 months we spend with the parents .

 

IMHO If only the person responsible for morning chores is woken up with a piping hot cup of tea(make it ginger tea:coffee) and allowed to have it in peace before the grind begins...life for that morning worker would be so much better.

 

This one is very important.
People who have hobbies and an active social life are happier and easier to be with...
unless the hobby involves lots of hammering and amateur violin playing.:hide: