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Hostile Treatment By Parents When Discussed With Home Owner Made His 2nd Wife Furious With My Dad

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Suma89, May 19, 2017.

  1. Suma89

    Suma89 New IL'ite

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    Yes I am senior technical leader working in some private firm i am very much financially independent.

     
  2. Umanga

    Umanga Gold IL'ite

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    Does the job pay well? If it does, please find yourself a nice apartment in a posh locality.

    Edit: Wouldn't you rather live in this 3 BHK apartment? Or if that's too expensive how about this delightfully light and airy PG? I can't imagine it's that difficult to find an OK place to live free of landlord and maid politics.

    Let us know how you get on.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2017
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  3. Suma89

    Suma89 New IL'ite

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    Hello all,

    Thanks a lot for your inputs. He is solely there to collect my rent. It's totally opposite of what he promised on 1st day that I can reach out for any issues or repairs. Leave about any repairs, he doesn't even attend my calls or messages even if I call up for any messages or calls. And moreover, past 5 months from Jan 2017, I am staying at native, when I came to my native, he called up me for rent just, he could not reach me as I had switched off my mobile. So he called up my dad. He asked when I am coming back,my dad told after 3 months, I heard just today from my dad, that he was too furious, and started arguing with my dad, that I can't keep waiting upto 3 months without any rent from her etc. Then when my dad told, if u give account number then she can drop the money in your account, then he relaxed and agreed for that. So although he is so rich, he behaves as if he depends only on my rent, & I never keep for any owner across past 10 yrs , even 1 day due of any months rent, & whenever he comes to collect the rent, he just collect it & slips off even if I have some other things to tell like any inconveniences in room etc. So this is like I am indirectly favouring him by paying rent, by staying in most uncomfortable room, which most of the times does not have water, like only 1st half of day water would be there etc, also any iron box or electric stove don't work due to low voltage, & on top of that his wife brings serious allegations like this. So I am planning to visit home with my dad, so that even if his wife comes to face me, he can support me, bcoz only my dad & relatives know that what character I am, I have been procrastinating marriage as I am not interested much in such stuff, and hardly I have flirted or anyone has dared to flirt with me. My seriousness , my bevaiour ,my confidence and my attitude put people just to respect me and dont dare to flirt with me.
    I am dead sure his wife was really tired & dead frustrated with him getting calls Oliver night, & day from different girls, which he never disclose to his wife, and he roams saying false things in home, tat he is going to his male friends house , or say somethjng like some tenant wants to see houses he wins up at different places, or say he has to repair some household stuff in some tenant room or say he is going for birthday or anniversary of his close friends , all such excuses he gives at home to his wife and his mom & dad, but roam at bars and pubs and often even engage in nightclubs, as most of times I have seen him roaming with a girl & 2 of my tenants to almost all bars,pubs & nightclubs in Bangalore. This itself updates how frustrated she was seeing his various activities, may be she would have felt, as though she is unmarried or she is equivalent to other girls with whom he roams, as there will not be any difference or point in a marriage if all things done with a wife are as well done with girls he roams, so I suspect she finds all mobile numbers which belong to ladies from his mobile and start questioning & building false allegations against them, not even having any clear evidence or witness even if persons like me are innocent, she does something like shooting an arrow in dark and let it go & strike a tree or not, it does not matter to her.
    So I would visit with my dad to safeguard me in case if that lady again allegates me, as my dad knows very well how to handle such people and he knows what sort of character I am. And then within a week's time find a new home , this time I shall be very careful to know more details of owner, I would better book a large spacious room in apartment like buildings with good amenities as I don't mind spending money as far as my comforts are concerned and en this chapter. Meanwhile would you people please suggest me, untill I get my advance back and settle in my new home, I will keep quite. But please revert me back, if the seriously shocking things I have seen 3-4 times with my own eyes, seeing him locking the adjacent vacant room earlier given to bachelor guys, and coming out with a girl who was almost dressed up like a call girl, and also observing him bringing various girls to adjacent room & sitting round with wine bottles and snacks and chitchatting for hours together with bachelor tenant guys and sometimes taking the girl he brought with bachelor guys to some bar or pub in his car for upto 2 hours or so, all these things should I disclose to his wife, aftermath of I shift into new home, by taking an oath from her that these are most genuine things I am telling her, not as revenge that she spoke I'll and spread rumours about my character, but instead to make her known about various facts her husband hides from her, because I heard from my dad, that she was severely hurt with his behaviour & spoke in very sad tone.

    Regards
    Suma
     
  4. eternalnomad

    eternalnomad Bronze IL'ite

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    Why do you care so much about this house owner and his family. Just maintain a healthy, professional distance and don't get over-involved with them. Don't worry about what happens in his personal life either, it doesn't concern you in any way. Seems like you have developed an unhealthy interest in this guy
     
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  5. WorriesTooMuch

    WorriesTooMuch Silver IL'ite

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    Look, you've asked for bluntness, so here it is. It might be hurtful, but it will help avoiding these issues in the future.

    Good for you! This shows you are a grown adult, capable of looking after yourself.

    Please don't mind me, but why give his number to your dad other than an emergency contact? Why did you involve your father at all? You saw the house, you liked it, you paid the advance. Your parent need not be involved. Next time, handle it yourself without involving others.

    And yes, it was pretty bad of him not to inform you that he's thinking of making it into a PG. You were extremely inconvenienced, and this itself should have made you never rent with him again. Plenty of places in Bangalore, this guy's not the only one!

    Again.. why are you involving your father? You are old enough to look for a house by yourself. Lots of girls do this at the very start of their career. We all did it. Didn't you have any girls in your office or anywhere that you could've house shared with? PG for women? Why this dependence on this guy? Why couldn't you shift house on your own? Just call up a moving agency, they can do the job in less than a day.

    Look you were in the wrong here. It was 10 PM, not an appropriate time to call anyone unless the house was robbed or on fire or some emergency. You could've done without a bath for a day and called/texted in the morning. Or use the internet and call up an electrician if you felt the problem couldn't wait. Whenever I ran into an issue in a rented place I got it repaired myself (for minor things like the ones you mention) and informed the owner later. These things happen, it is the tenant's responsibility to get it fixed and then get a refund from the owner. And calling him through someone else and all.. why?

    See again, if it was a life threatening issue, why were you sitting around waiting for the owner to do something? You are a grown adult, you can get it repaired yourself and just send him the bill. Also, him meeting your neighbors and all is none of your business.

    Again, sorry. None of your business who he sleeps with, who he sees. You are not his wife. He invited you, you declined, case closed. What he drinks, what girls he sees, etc. NOT YOUR BUSINESS.

    This is a different issue, one you can discuss with your close friends. The owner is not a friend. Please understand that though you may be as pure as snow, there is something really strange about a single woman discussing her personal issues with a married man. I don't care how many times he has married, she is his wife. She has the all the right in the world to wonder about your intentions. Stay away from married men - you can't have a friendship with them without involving their wives.

    WHY. WHY would you do this? Why would you talk about him to some other random person and ask questions about your owner's character like that? Why do you care so much? You are his tenant - nothing more. Do you know what anyone will think when you start asking questions like that? They'll immediately suspect there's something going on. Which he did.

    This was another big mistake. If you know that your intentions are right, why block her calls? You look even more suspicious avoiding her like you did something wrong. Also, if you were really such a close friend of the owner, why did he never introduce you properly to his wife? Imagine it was you, and some woman claims she's a close friend of your husband and you don't even know her. How will you feel?

    Well can you blame her? She tried calling you for two days. You blocked her. So she calls up your father (which I think is wrong of her, by the way, but she must be in a lot of pain thinking her husband is cheating on her) What rumors did she spread? She did tell your father the truth - you did call up at odd times, you do keep messaging him about personal issues, you did ask that relative about her husband.

    Forget those other girls - it's not your business! His wife will take care of it. Own up your part in this- remember, you did cause his wife pain by talking so much to him, even though your intentions were noble.

    You have learnt nothing. His wife calls up your father, angry that you are behaving inappropriately with her husband. And after all that, you still want to show him that you look good now, can wear western clothes, and are really posh now. Why? Cut contact with him - HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. If you are having so many issues with the room, move. No need to wear western clothes, and show you are not a village girl and stuff.

    NOT YOUR BUSINESS - YOU ARE NOT HIS WIFE. STAY OUT OF IT, PLEASE!

    Just move out. Don't explain yourself too much. There a thousands of rooms for rent in Bangalore - I've lived there. Just pack up and go.

    If you were able to do everything on your own, why call him? To inform? A blunt text is enough - "Dear XYZ, the fan in the room broke down. I got it repaired by ABC. It cost _ Rs. Thanks, Suma'. No need to call. For rent, ask for his bank account details (should've done this from the start!) and put a standing order on the 1st/2nd of each month. No need to text.

    He was just being generally polite, nothing more.

    You have to pay rent whether or not you are staying there because your things are there. That is normal.

    Move. You say the room is uncomfortable. Why do you want to stay? Also, you had no right to call his relative. If you had a problem with him, speak to him - not his relatives. I'm not going to rate this guy - he seems like a decent enough house owner. I don't want to say anything about his wife/personal life as it is not relevant here.

    Move, move, move. And from now onward, no personal talk with owners/married men of any sort. Bank transfer the rent. Text for repairs done. But no other talk. Be professional in your dealings.

    Don't be hurt by what I said - you seem like a nice person, innocent and sweet. But your behavior was a little strange, and any woman would be hurt and upset by your actions. After all, she doesn't know you.
     
  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP

    You are a matured adult woman with a traditional background.
    You must know how to read between the lines when you interact with new people on a daily basis, that too independently like this.

    When he said that he is there to help you, that you could reach out to him at anytime, it doesn't mean he is divoted to help you forever. It means, he is being formal.
    But calling a land-loard for each and every simple matters, that too during late hours just because he has promised to help you, sounds fishy.
    Either you must be very immature and innocent or there is some hidden agenda.

    Also your obsession about your land-lord, specially about his posh-ness, wealthiness, and the number of homes he has etc... sounds very fishy.
    It is irrelevant for a tenant.

    You should not bother about looking modern and stylish before your land-lord.

    More so, your reactions to his obvious scolding during that late night call, and how you went on to figure out the reason behind his mood swing... OMG, I can understand if you are genuinely interested in this fella.. If your idea is to follow him and fall for him, then it happens regardless of your land-lord Vs Tenant relationship.
    But here, you claim that you were being an innocent tenant. Then why did you pay this much attention plus emotional investment on some land-lord.

    Besides, I really do not understand the reasons behind your adjustment here. You are financially independent, and you have all the capacity to find a decent arrangement for your stay there.
    You say that many prostitutes (from what you described) visit there, and some bachelors stay there, and your land-lord obviously enjoy sex with some casual/random people there. In addition, they drink together. \
    Is this a safest arrangement for a young girl to stay alone?
    That too for a traditional girl?

    Moreover, the most strange thing was how your dad encouraged you to speak to this man, and he himself conversed with him. I think this is more than modern for a father of a young-unmarried girl to depend on a young man like this.

    Looks like you and your dad were really obsessed about his wealthy, that you really wanted to impress him. I know that is not your agenda. But with the way how you behaved, i wouldn't blame his wife here.
     
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  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op.....you have a thing for your landlord.
    It is either a crush or a need to have a male figure in your life.
    What ever it is,it is an unhealthy obsession.

    We can see it from your posts.

    His wife can see it and the way he is behaving...probably he can see it too.

    He invited you for casual 'drink' and since you did not respond suitably...he is no longer interested. He is a married man who is okay with casual side sex but not anything more.

    If you continue in this vein...the wife will come an thrash you someday and everyone will blame you for the way you are behaving. Check out videos of wife beating husband's girlfriend on u tube.

    Please move out before something bad happens. The place you are staying is not safe for a young woman.

    Talk to your parents about what kind of guy you want and get married. You are looking for a male figure in life and a husband is the best and safest bet for that right now.
     
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  8. paru123

    paru123 Silver IL'ite

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    OP,

    Is your !andlord a handsome guy. U are really falling for this guy. You are taking so much interest in this guy as if he is your distant relative. You are becoming too traditional. You need to be modern in your thinking not only in your clothes. The way u seem to impress him with modern clothes n slimmer figure it looks like u too want to sleep with him. Do you bother to know what each guy in the adjacent batchelor room is doing.

    You have ample free time with you, that's why you are investigating and trying to get so much info about your land!ord. For him you are just a tenant and he holds no other feelings for you. He continues with his life just as how he was doing before renting the room to you. You are nothing more than a tenant I his life. He offered to have drinks with u even when you were wearing salwar. So don't think that with modern clothes he would offer other things.

    Better to move to a respectable place. Instead of spending on clothes spend a little more on rent. No need to inform his wife anything. She must be having good idea about her husband s behaviour. Don't think too much about people who don't matter to you to five years down the line.

    Invest your time and energy in higher studies. Don't interfere in others lives.

    Pls move out immediately from there.

    A question to you, how did you gather so much details about him. Do you keep your doors always open. Also stay away from people who gives details about him.
     
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  9. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 Finest Post Winner

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    From what you have written, you are obsessed with your land lord. Might be he is quite different from males you have seen or something in him attracts you.
    The place you are describing is not a safe place for a young girl to stay alone. Step out of the place even if it means losing the entire deposit amount. There must be lot of safe places in Bangalore where you can live happily without drama.
     
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  10. Umanga

    Umanga Gold IL'ite

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    Probably one of the greatest threads and one of the greatest OP's of all time. Should be automatically promoted to "IL Hall of Fame".
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2017
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