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Help me co-sis is one of the issue here

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by apple123, Feb 4, 2012.

  1. apple123

    apple123 New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    This is one great forum and so i m posting my problem here.

    My husband scolds me, gets irritated on me when there is his brothers wife at our place or when we go there, he does it on purpose and there is a sparkle on her face whenever he does it. My H does it on purpose to please and she gets the thrill out of it. It does not end here even though nobody is sitting on the sofa and my H is sitting on one of the dinning table chair doing nothing his bhabi comes and sits next to him doing nothing since the lunch/breakfast is long over. She takes every opportunity to sit next to him, showing me she has more command over him. I m married for 7 years and talking about this in private with my H didnt give me any solution. Talking to my in-laws wont help since they think these two are just very close. But i hate the fact that she is trying to dominate me whenever we meet them....

    Do you think i can directly ask my H why is he doing this when she is there next time he shouts at me. Its not just her he does this even in front of his friends wife. :drowning and just for information i m working in one of top product company in the world and i m an engineer and his bhabi has studied till 10+2 it seems. Right now i m pregnant and i want to stop this and i want to stand up for myself. I know better late than never. Any tips ladies.
     
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  2. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I would suggest better not to meet your bhabhi..
    you hubby is having inferiority complex tht you are well off and he wnts to show his bossism in front of other women..thats all
     
  3. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    I guess avoiding the co-sister isn't exactly possible. Might create more trouble. And if she knew any better, she would not be doing something like it. And with friends, it just seems like he is establishing who is alpha male in your relationship.

    My friend faces the same situation with her husband and I've seen that when she gets worked up, he tends to act more on it. Ignore him for a while and see if it helps. Else, just talk to him stating you'd like a bit more attention and support at this time, especially.
     
  4. hemalathaK

    hemalathaK Platinum IL'ite

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    I think the same way as Lakshmi said.So he is searching for the opportunity to insult/ boss/flirt or whatever it is.

    Give few ore chances to him by ignoring his acts completely.Just act chill, or if possible ( if your BIL is good and helpful) you too sit next to your BIL whenever there is a chance and see how he reacts.If DH asks just tell him that he did the same , why? And see what he answers.But there are two risks in this , one thing is your BIL may mistake you, the other one is there are chances for your husband to create scene in the presence of all the family members and they in turn can misinterpret you.

    Or, is your husband trying to flirt with all the women he sees?
     
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  5. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    The OP said her husband behaves that way in the presence of friend's wife too. If, not meeting the Co-sis is a solution, trying to keep away from friends too will only send him the wrong signal. It will show as if the OP mistrusts him and that is only unnecessary trouble in the condition she is now.
    I'd say, take it slow and its got to be handled very very delicately. Talking to him about being more attentive to HER as opposed to avoiding the others, would work better.
     
  6. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    your H just wants to establish his control over you in front of other females.

    1.is there a valid reason for him to scold you everytime?if so make sure he does not get such opportunity
    2.if he shouts in front of other ladies,ignore him, if you are unable to tolerate,just leave the place abruptly and get into your room and close the doors.do not come out.
    3.if not the next time he scolds in front of co-sis,just tell him how his BIL never does these things and how well behaved he is.comparison with other males usually hurts a man's ego
    4.if he does it in front of friends,just tell his friends that he always does such things when friends are around and otherwise he is normal.ask them to advice him.this will again hurt his ego
    5.if you do anything which he is fond of just stop doing that.tell him you will do only when he stops scolding you
    6.if nothing helps just shout at him once and ask him to shut up.the more you bend,he will try to climb over you.
     
  7. apple123

    apple123 New IL'ite

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    Thanks all for taking time to give me your suggestions i appreciate it. Let me give a few examples where he shouts at me in front of my co-sis

    - We had to call the customer care for our internet connection and he had not done since 1 week, so i called their call center and as i was talking to them in our room, he is sitting in the living room where co-sis is also there and scolding me the way i m talking to them. He never bothered to call the customer care now he is acting superior in front of co-sis and generally he never bothers what i talk to the customer care.

    - He scolds me in front of them, like cant you see what they want either curry, rice etc ....

    - After dinner he will offer fruits to my co-sis her kids and forces them to have and even though i m sitting next to them he on purpose never bothers to ask me.

    - he makes it a point not to sit next to me when she is there. and even i go and sit next to him he gets gets up and goes some where else.
     
  8. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    That really sounds very silly. You should be his fist priority.
    I am curious, has he been doing this from the time you got married?
    And how long has your co-sis been in the family?
    How much older or younger is she? And Where does her husband fit in with all this?
     
  9. apple123

    apple123 New IL'ite

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    My co-sis is elder to me, and her husband acts like he has not seen this drama going on and shows that he is least interested. Earlier we used to stay in US so , it used to happen rarely but now we are back in india and they visit us every 3-4 months once and we go to in-laws place.
     
  10. azalea

    azalea Silver IL'ite

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    - Do you bother when a street dog is barking? Train yourself not to hear him. He will realize with time that it has no reaction on you. This will take time and you need to be firm in this. Also, go about your work as if his being there or lack thereof, doesn't bother you. You know yourself, who you are. As people, we would like to have validation. But if it is not coming, don't look for it.

    - If he doesn't offer you fruits, take one yourself and eat it. Don't ever ask him about it.

    - Next time, go sit somewhere away from your husband and make it a point not to be anywhere near your husband when his brother's family or his friends are over.

    Ask him not to scold you as you are not a child. Also, even though we have dreams of our spouse being this and that, in reality, we need to deal with such cold people. We can hurt ourselves less when we stop all kinds of expectations from them.
     
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