1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Help For A Troubled Married Life. For A Man Who Loves His Family In Toto.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by KrishnaSri, Sep 18, 2018.

Page 17 of 17
  1. Sep 25, 2018 #161
    nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    930
    Likes Received:
    1,527
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    But do u do the dishes or mop the floor when wife is sick or over exhausted?
    Preparing for national level competitive exams is difficult as she is competing with lakhs of students who have no responsibilities compared toe her;she will need ur help from time to time. In the end that salary is for both of u afterall.
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2018
    nakshatra1, Sep 25, 2018
    nakshatra1, Sep 25, 2018
    #161
  2. Sep 25, 2018 #162
    KrishnaSri

    KrishnaSri Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    36
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Male
    For all the concerned kind souls, I could not withstand this isolation in family for 8 days, I have tried to resort the issue by discussing with my wife yesterday.

    You may not believe, I mentioned about phone conversations recording. And she was upset very much. I could see the feeling of betrayal in her eyes.It said "Why you did this to me?"

    I felt very bad and explained her that, her family mentioning several DV cases, police counselling and teaching me a lesson made me do that. I said I have to protect myself from any such false cases. I also asked whether I am harassing her or she is feeling any domestic violence, mental torture type of things.

    She said, even though they said many such issues, she has not acted any of them. I agreed and appreciated her very much for that.

    I have decided to stop this recording further. As it takes a lot of time to hear and filter out the nonsense, I anyway got enough evidence, in case of any problem, which I pray god it is not going to happen.

    I said, whoever it may be trying to create trouble between us, they will become my enemies. I said no one should profess for separation of couple (either legal or not) when the couple themselves have great love between them. This act of controlling one another is not good.

    She agreed. I said I am getting good advice from a reputed social forum too where totally unrelated, experience people give good advice.(not mentioned the name, but in future I may).

    She said, whether this is an attempt to record the incidents in the home to prove my point, like phone recordings. I said it is not, and can not be construed as an evidence. This is all for good, and I said may be everything is fine, I may read this out for her/ show this thread on the forum after 2-3 years.

    That's only half the work done. Lot of work pending in reconciling further.

    Thank you.
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2018
    KrishnaSri, Sep 25, 2018
    KrishnaSri, Sep 25, 2018
    #162
    Laks09 likes this.
  3. Sep 25, 2018 #163
    DXBDesi

    DXBDesi Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    71
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Lavanis advice is helpful and I summarized it to 4 points

    Point 3 is critical, sometimes even if someone is acting wrong (in this case the wife), you have to decide something that ends up helping them, as its for the greater good. It may feel like you are rewarding bad behavior but that's not the case

    But the man has to be strong, there is every chance that such a wife even after a separate home, will start a drama on some other issue, it is then that the man has to become insensitive and act as if the "issue" is not major at all ....
     
    DXBDesi, Sep 25, 2018
    DXBDesi, Sep 25, 2018
    #163
    KrishnaSri likes this.
  4. Sep 25, 2018 #164
    KrishnaSri

    KrishnaSri Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    36
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Male
    I have no objection in doing that, Honestly such instances have not occurred. When my wife is not feeling well, my mother used to do all the work, I am not into that.

    If my mother is not present, I have no problem in doing that.

    For instance, once, there was a small quarrel and function (my baby's 2nd birthday) got coincided, the bathroom has to be cleaned. Due to her hand pain, she has not done, i took up and cleaned it.

    Some time my mother tells me some complaints on my wife, whatever I refrain her. When I see these are small works which create problems, I do that, without their knowledge.
     
    KrishnaSri, Sep 25, 2018
    KrishnaSri, Sep 25, 2018
    #164
    nakshatra1 likes this.
  5. Sep 25, 2018 #165
    VidyaSuresh

    VidyaSuresh Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    88
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    you have said :When I see these are small works which create problems, I do that, without their knowledge - My view why do you want to do without their knowledge, let them know you are doing those small works which had created problem
     
    VidyaSuresh, Sep 25, 2018
    VidyaSuresh, Sep 25, 2018
    #165
    KrishnaSri likes this.
  6. Sep 25, 2018 #166
    VidyaSuresh

    VidyaSuresh Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    88
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Why did you inform her that you had tapped the conversation, not only she would have felt bad, she may also think you are always keeping an ear on her conversations and should not pinpoint this whenever there is fights/ arguments and ask her not to inform her parents about this - then this should not become a big issue. You would have thought not to hide, but that should not create problem for your future.
    One more thing I want to know how did u tap the conversation, without police interference we cant tap as I am not aware how to do that, only in movies I have seen if its criminal case police will tap conversations.

    Secondly, you had mentioned she is preparing for GATE exam - there should be a peaceful atmosphere at home when one is studying, when there is a quarrel how can she concentrate on her studies. The main reason for quarrel/ arguments as per my understanding from your conversations is mainly becoz of domestic work sharing between your dw and mom. Fire hire maid for domestic work for dishes, sweep,mop, and bathroom cleaning (how much it would cost for maid rs.1000 to 1500/- depending on which city you are staying). ask you mom to take care of cooking till she completes her exam and also your kid when she is studying. If you do these 2 things hope most of your problem will be solved.

    Make both of them sit together and discuss this, let one not feel you discussed with her first and later informing me, so talk, only the conversation will solve our problem and also the person at other end also should cooperate.

    Also give some gifts to your dw once in a while small gift also will make a women happy. its not necessary that gift should b given on bday and wedding day. whenever you feel like giving you can gif
     
    VidyaSuresh, Sep 25, 2018
    VidyaSuresh, Sep 25, 2018
    #166
    nakshatra1 and KrishnaSri like this.
Page 17 of 17

Share This Page