Hi everyone Although this is the first time I am writing on this forum, I have been a reader of the posts for almost two years now. Hence a special thanks to this forum for showing me that I am not alone!!... And now when it is time I would want opinions from everyone as to what you this is going on at my ILs. I got married to a wonderful man 2 yrs ago. The problems started even before we got married. Ours is a love cum arranged marriage and I have no issues with my DH. He is as wonderful and supportive as someone could be!! Let me start from the beginning and continue in points so that its easier to read : Background : Both of ours is a middle class family and DH got a job in US right after we got engaged and our wedding was arranged in a matter of a month as he wanted to take me along but my ILs knew about us since one year before we got married. The wedding was a small affair with only the closest of 30 people present. My ILs home in India is overnight driving distance from my parents. We arranged everything for the wedding. Did everything according to riti-riwaz. Presented them with our affection and gifts as are expected in a normal family. My ILs are well off own a home, business and property in India. My elder BIL and Co-sis and their son stay with them and my BIL is involved with family business. Problems: 1) They did not prepare atall for the wedding. They just came as if one goes to a distant relatives wedding. DH was not around for preparations as he was in another town for work. ILs did not consult me nor ask me how I wanted my wedding dress to be. They just sent me a saree of their own choice to be worn for the wedding and trust me when I say it wasn't up to the mark and I ended up wearing something from my own collection for my wedding day. And I know this because they did everything of my elder co-sis choice for wedding, gave her a proper trousseau and a nice reception after the wedding which was ofcourse not done for us. 2) Till date my DH and me do not have a room in my ILs house and keep on going from one room to another when we visit them. It is frustating because every bride expects her own apace after getting married. They have space to build on the property but they would rather get airconditioning in their rooms than build a room for us. My DH use to stay in a small room b4 we got married and now even that room has been converted to a storage space instead of being given to us. 3) My MIL is a nice woman or appears to be so.. I just don't know. The first time I came to India 6 months after getting married.. the first thing she told me when she found me alone was .. the my co-sis is very jealous of me since she is a graduate in arts and I am academically and professionally far ahead from her. 4) On my first visit to my ILs place, my co-sis threw all sorts of tantrums... wanted me to cook... told me specifically everything that was supposed to be done from my parents end. Did she really have any business telling me anything. I have been nothing but cordial with them but she makes it a point to bring up something or the other. The result : my first ever visit for just 3 days to my ILs house has left many scars because of her. But life went on and we came back to US. 5) This time when we visited them we planned to go for a trip to a pilgrimage and wanted everyone to go together and we wanted to pay for everything. So we discussed the plan... and after hours of debate the plan was formalised... we booked rooms and everything online... Now one day before we have to leave for the trip my BIL and co-sis suddenly decide they dont want to go... everything was booked keeping them in mind .. we even cut our trip short from 5 to 3 days so that their son could come with us since he has school. 5) anyways we go on the trip and for the first time I actually get a chance to talk to my ILs. And I told them that I have been hurt by the co-sis on several occasions even during the phonecalls that we make everyweek. And they have only one thing to say... she is like that only... she is rude... she thinks only she is right... and whne I asked them that waht is going on with the room that was supposed to be build for my DH and me... they say ohh yeah that is on cards..sometime in future... WOW... I mean they can get their home whitewashed... get new A/Cs... microwaves.... go on holidays 2 times in a year... all 5 of them... but whne it comes to us.... they cant even give us a proper space to call our own.. 6) My FIL and BIL earn ..have home...shops....but..They ask for money from DH over phone... both MIL, FIL and BIL... MIL says... ur father feels bad when everyone asks him about u know... ab to beta US mein hai.... so how much is he sending... FIL says you should give something to your mother... BIL says they have to pay taxes for the business.... its not like we dont send them anything we do send them gifts for birthdays... although I or DH havent recieved a single gift from any of them for b'day or anniversaries.... we also send them movey for karva chauth, diwali and major festivals...we do not allow them to spend a single penny when we are in india and take gifts for them when we go to visit them... but they not even once hesitate taking money from DH if I asked them to get some masalas for the kitchen from them.... DH says dont worry about petty things.. If you have a problem with me then we'll talk.. I am doing everything in my capacity for you... but some how these words dont suffice when I see what they do.... I mean even if you leave me out of the picture.... i feel so angry for how they treat DH and I dont mean by words... I mean .... its like one way traffic of money and gifts!! 7) My co-sis exists in all the rooms of the house when we go there... she has her stuff even in the living room.. i mean its almost like she wants to have every inch of that place... and it really makes me insecure... I go there for 15 days but eventually if we would have to move back... that place doesnt seem like ours.... not even my DHs... its sad!!! and I dunno wat to do!! 8) The biggest surprise that I got was from my BILs 11 year old son.... This 11 year old comes and asks my DH...so chacha when u come to india for a month ... do you rent out ur apt in US???... i mean how can an 11 yr old think in terms of property and money unless... everyone is taking in front of him about these things.... and I imply from this that they only talk about money or sent him to ask DH . I thinks I have written a long thread... but I would really appreciate anyone's opinion on what exactly you think is going on.... every time they do something or say something.... I try to get past it by thinking why shuld I spoil my health for them by thinking abt them... i am nice to them always... but this time after coming back I cant get these things out of my mind... i feel my DH and me are being manipulated... but I dont know how to handle this... I dont know how to tackle them nor do i know how to give myself some peace of mind.... Moreover everytime I feel ok... lets get past the mistakes of the past and look at the future... they do something or say something that makes me remember all that they have done/said till date.... I dunno what to do!!! Thanks in advance for your opinions!!