Having An Affair And Want To Break The Marriage

This is so true.
I often feel sorry for people who post happy family photos on fb or social media, and wonder what sordid things they are trying to hide.

 

I don't feel sorry for them.

Nobody can be sad every day noone can be happy every day.

The happy photos which they post might be the moments where they are really happy and share to friends family. But yes posting things on social media is subjected to security.

And no one wants to advertise or capture and share sad or bad moments. So only people involved knows what's really happening.

What I meant by my post to op is
She feels her bill is good and sis is loosing him and making mistake. So I tried telling what outsiders see might not be real picture. His bil might be good to everyone but whether he is really good husband. Or even if he's good is there something the sister misses in marriage. Marriage is not only about having money n comforts but lot more. (As she mentioned he's good business men and provides for home)

 

An affair is a bad thing. Period. No one will admit they started an affair on a whim. If someone is unhappy in a marriage, they should quit. Not find someone who suits them and then leave the current partner. That is opportunism according to me. As for living happily ever after, she should know best. If she thinks what she is doing is right, then where is the need for a second opinion? You can't do something unconventional and then ask for the society's opinion. No one can give the right answer.

 

I see so many advices here in IL...to come out of an unhappy marriage...wait until finding a job, become financially independent, or find/secure your life with some other partner and then leave your current spouse.
What it means is... having hatred feelings inside and acting outside...it's none other than betraying and backstabbing your spouse.
No matter how many excuses one gives to justify this, in my opinion, this is totally immoral and unethical.
If a person is not happy in a marriage and want to leave...should leave/walk out immediately.

 

I differ on the financially independent part. To get out of the relationship without financial independence is not at all easy, with zero backing. Yes, in ideal situation one should leave even without financial backup, but if you look at it practically, these days one cannot live without money. In the olden days maybe, one could go build a hut, live somewhere in the forest, is that possible nowadays? It may be okay if one is alone, but if kids are involved it's even more tough. Moreover, there is a chance that the relationship will improve or it can be repaired. But in case of an affair, it requires so much to come back. It is a one way road. If one crosses the line, there is minuscule chance of looking back.

 

Yes, there was a time when I used to think that money is not important. My mother used to say money is something, if not everything. She went through that phase when money was tight, that's why the wisdom. Money may not be everything, but it is a necessary evil. Financial independence is no longer a nice to have, it is a must and should requirement.

 

I don't agree on only your financial part. Again it's taking advantage only. There is no half betraying or half back stabbing.
If a person thinks that there is no 'intolerance' anymore, then that's the best time to leave.
If only for money, then the person can tolerate everything else also and stay together.
No half moral, half ethical standards.
What if it takes years to achieve financial independence? Keep cheating till then...with double standards?
It's not only cheating your spouse, but yourself too...

 

What is your definition of cheating? If putting up with your spouse is what you call cheating, then I can tell you, 95% of this world is made of cheats. I am still yet to see people who are 100% satisfied with their spouse. Some people do it willingly, some do it unwillingly. To each his standard. For one abuse may be okay if their needs are met, for some it is not. But going and having an affair is definite cheating. That's why I said, why ask for a second opinion when one's mind is fixed as to what is cheating? If having an affair is inevitable, then do whatever you want, but don't look to the society for support, it may or may not happen. In my mother's generation it was okay to play second fiddle to a man because well, a man was the breadwinner. In today's world, that's not the case anymore, women are not willing to put up with that kind of treatment. But such women have the confidence, they know what they are doing. There are women who don't have that confidence, they are putting up with the treatment, so are they cheating? Then every woman, and even most men were cheating since ages.

 

Playing double standards is what I mean by cheating...hope you understand.
If staying together and playing these kind of double standards means ethical to you, then I don't have any answer for you.