Have I Done A Sin??

Hey Dear
I am so sorry for what you had to go through. Can you please forget about your MIL and her behavior(I know its hard). Because we cannot expect much from them( I myself have had many bad experiences with my MIL, so I have kind of given up on such creatures.). Coming to your husband,whatever he said was just in the heat of moment. I am sure he does not mean whatever he said. Also he understood his fault and trying to mend the things between you two. The only problem is that he is not apologizing . But dear please understand that he has lost his job and you are running the household which is already a big blow to his ego. Do not expect any apology from a bruised ego. Take your time and try to get out of this incident. And may be later , politely you could explain your point of view to him and tell him never ever use such filthy language again as such talks will only make you respect him less.
Please try not to discuss your MIL's behavior because then your DH will try to defend her and your mood again will be spoiled. If you speak to your MIL , talk unapologetic-ally and if she brings up the subject again , tell her firmly that you are her son's wife . And it was all unintentional. And that she needs to learn to trust you in such matters.

 

It is definitely not a big blunder. I understand that they must have initially got frightened and then angry when they knew you were sleeping. But it was not something you did intentionally or deliberately.

So chill,relax and let go of this. If they still want to hold this incident,their choice. You just do your chores and carry on.From next time onwards ask your husband to mind his words especially in front of his mother,since this gives her an extra edge to abuse you.

 

Chill girl.
Your husband is an ass for saying such horrible things.
Talk to him before the kids come home.

Tell him how hurt you are that all he cares about is not getting into trouble and not about you.

It is understandable that the person gets worried and scream at you or shouts at you....but what he said was hurtful and worrisome. Ask him if it is okay if something happens to you without causing problem for him.
Let him know that you do not take such behaviour lightly .

As for mil.....give her a really long silent treatment .

When I was a child ....our parents had left me and my brother at home and gone for a party. We slept off and did not hear the bell ringing and the door banging for hrs.Finally my parents had to go and sleep at neighbours place.Next day we both got up and got worried not seeing our parents back from the party and started crying. When our parents came home we first got slaps and then hugs.

I have lost count of how many times such things have happened.It happens to a lot of people.Your husband was worried but justified in getting angry because of the worry...but what he said was disgusting .

 

@shubrata,
Logical that you are mad at your DH.
Look at it from his point of view. can you imagine his fear when you didnt open. In those few minutes he must have imgined so many horrible things that could have gone wrong - things you saw in the news but would never expect to happen to you.

I say this from experience. Only it was my daughter who didnt open the door at around 7 pm. Unfortunately both my husband and i forgot our keys at home. Repeated phone calls on home phone, calling bell , her mobile - no response. Did she have a fall , did she faint, what happened? things that i dare not imagine started to come to my head. I was shivering with fear with heart palpitations as we waited for the locksmith to come and break open the lock. went in to find her sleeping blissfully. Added another 1000 grey strands on my head that day.

You had you reasons for sleeping, you were justified but still that doesnt lessen his fear. When we are angry we say a lot of mean things, and hurtful things in the heat of the moment. It is not right but he doesnt mean it. Tell him you were sorry , you didnt mean to scare him. Tell him you were so hurt by his harsh words. Does it really matter who says sorry first?

As for your MIL, once they got the chance. Learn to ignore. Especially women of those days can really act high and mighty about such issues, and go on and on and on. but look at it this way - you have a MIL who takes care of your children, and provide them with grandparental love and a decent holiday, learn to close your eyes and ears. It is worth it.

 

First of all ask your husband what he meant when he said you should die somewhere else. Are you a person with suicidal tendencies? If not, then don't bother. The situation itself explains his behavior, men are used to shouting not getting shouted at in general, so DH is already stressed with not having job, probably his brain is not working properly, he is not calm and shouted at you. As for your MIL, don't care an ounce for what she said, because MILs are like that, they will support their son no matter what and for some reason they think the DIL is the only person who has to be responsible, no one else in the house. So once in a while when you doze off like this, she thinks you sleep and get up late daily. Don't get sad for all these, if you start getting sad then there will be no end to it. And yes the loss will be yours, not theirs. Just rectify it, don't bother, put your cell phone at the louder ring tone. Either you give back to DH and MIL immediately OR don't think about it once it is done, just see to it that it does not repeat. Address your sleeping habits - why aren't you able to sleep alone? I can understand if that happens at your home, but why during official trips? Try to overcome that habit, especially when you are alone often. Why should you lose your rest and sleep because you are alone? I am not telling this to say it is your fault but because you should overcome anything that is a problem like this one.

 

the exact same situation happened with me as well. My H didnot talk to me for next 2 days.

 

Oh dear just chill.
Your hubby must be immensely scared thats why he shouted at you. Your mil has just got her bumper bonaza to take advantage of this situation and just doing a karan comedy show of proving her legacy. Just one bad day.

 

First Things First. I fully sympathize with you and fully agree with you that the words he used ,"if you want to die go to your parents place and then die do not die here "are extremely offensive and really uncalled for. The hurt is going to linger deep inside your mind for quite a long time

But just think for a moment from his point of you: he has been shouting at the door for the full 45 minutes , knocking the door at the highest volume and he Rang your mobile again and again and again asked somebody else to ring you again and again. After 45 minutes, just think of the intensity of anxiety ,that would have happened in his mind.

Just recollect what we need in newspapers, after locking the door for so much time then door was broken and inside they foud someone murdered brutally , all such things we keep reading in newspapers. Such a really really bad possibility might have come up in his mind, that should have given him maximum distresss and anxiety.

In that maximum distress, he had shouted such an offensive abuse against you.

I am not asking you to forgive and forget everything. To do so it may require a long time. But before escalating the conflict from your end, just think about a possible his version of the incident

 

@ Shubrata, Things happen at times, imagine if it was one of your parent scolding/ yelling at you for not opening the door....you would have attributed it to the love and care they have for you. Your husband must have been really scared given that you were alone and so all the tension he expressed for 45 mins, he had to relieve it.. I won't support the words he would have said, but ultimately it is because he was concerned. So, don't be angry with him, laugh it off as a silly incident.

Coming to your MiL, ignore, the more you think, the more everything will appear to be wrong. Enjoy your time alone with your husband rather than giving him silent treatment