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Guilty And Not Sure What To Do ??

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Goahead, Jul 23, 2019.

  1. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    i have ch aged my self so much in these 15 years of marriage. I’m such a social person and like to talk to people, be friendly and respectful to everyone .
    My husband and his family being the opposite end of my personality , mean selfish and very miser in-laws I have completely changed . They have hurt me so much and since my husband has never taken my side I have chosen to completely shut myself for this side of family
    I feel guilty : I dnt call my sil for occasional chats any more and of course she never calls me and throws this egoistic face
    Every time I would talk to my parents I would talk to my mil as well but used to listen to some taunts about giving to sil or giving to I laws etc all the time so I stopped calling my mil separately as well .
    I just talk to them with my husband on out weekly family video calls
    My husband never talks to my family as well . But he does occasionally talks to his mom sister and is always on WhatsApp with them. He never messaged my side of the family .
    I’m happy and guilty as well. But I dnt care . But my husband continuously forces me to do things for his family all the time and it stresses me out . He compares everything of his sister with my sister but never compares when my sister dies more for kids or for me . If I have to visit my sister , he starts this planning about visiting his sister as well and wants kids to go to both side in the same week .
    He wants to move his parents with us now for no reason . I have told him multiple times that this arrangement won’t work since his parents are very dominating and want things done his way all the time but he’s throwing this tantrum and sad faces like a kid and have taken away my peace of mind
     
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  2. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Let him be sad . You stay strong and do what you want. Eventually he will come around
     
    Amica and shravs3 like this.
  3. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    No you need not feel guilty as it’s not your fault. Such things should be done wholeheartedly
     
    Amica likes this.
  4. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    What do I do about his parents moving in?? He’s going to get their green card done and bring them here .. I feel so trapped by all this
     
  5. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    I’m sad about his parents moving in .. it will change my whole life .. I have taken years to get around this situation and be strong and now if they move in , I will loose everything
     
  6. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    you learned to run away and now get the opportunity to face and to come out from your guilt feeling. If you can take this positively then it will be the biggest blessing of your life. For that you have to make yourself strong enough to accept the things that you don't like and many more things that life can only teach you. All the best. Sorry if you don't like but my experience says that only. Rest you know better about your life. Take Care.
     
    SaiKiran1 and nakshatra1 like this.
  7. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Ok. So he is not asking your permission. He has already done the gc process.
    Put in some ground rules with him
    This is your house now. They will not dominate you.
    You will live your life as you wish.
     
  8. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Silver IL'ite

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    Your husband don't want your permission or he never asks your suggestion in bringing them here,he decided so there is nothing you can do with this, accept this,and als now they are coming to your house you are not going there so no need to kill your identity because of them,be how you are now ,and do your things and choose what you want, ofcource it's very difficult to live with that type of people but now u can't fly from this,think that your husband bringing them here rather than moving to there house in India, atleast you are lucky in that,and als don't let them decide in your personal life be clear and let them know that you are like this only from past yrs so you be like this in future also,
    Coming to your husband he comparing everything with ur family let him do don't over react,and als don't take it in to your mind als,of course most of men's they never talk with there in-laws and don't give any Val or respect to them,u no need to worry about it just leave it like he is like that only,
    Don't stress your self more rather than mentally prepare for there visit, everything will be ok, don't argue much with ur husband regarding this it will bring distance between you both,and he will keep this in his mind and if anything happens later he will blame you entire life ,,be cool and relax..
     
  9. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    why his parents are moving in?? are they at that stage of life when they need care and support??
    i am assuming from your post that you didnt want your in-laws to move in with you.....
    you should discuss this with your husband that you are not happy in this moving-in arrangement and suggest him some other arrangements....tell him how you feel about all this....only then some solution can emerge...
     
  10. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks to his family, you were sad for a long time. It's his turn to be sad.

    He has invited his parents? Tell him you are inviting your parents also. At the same time. :expressionless:
    .
     

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