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Guilt Feeling And Negative Thoughts

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Happygirl6, Jun 6, 2019.

  1. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    Sorry ladies, am very new to this forum and maybe am tagging my query to a wrong post too. Am a divorcee too and maybe sumday i'l brief in my story too. I used to luve in AbuDhabi before ladt year moved to Mumbai but now have plans to settle in Bangalore to help me restart my life. I am 46, unsure at my age a divorcee with a 8 year old how am gonna do it all as I have no family as such. Firstly I would like to buy an apartment to live in Bangalore. Can ladies residing in Bangalore help me with information where I can find a decent apartment for a single woman to live safe with schools around. My budget to purchase is around 1cr. I have no clue on how to go about it but am determined to do what it takes to prove at my age too I can. All I look out for is right directives and information on what to look for and how to go about it. I look forward to all your assistance. Again my sincere apologies to address this here but as I said this is my first time enrolling in this community and I dont know how to start my own thread or query. Please excuse me for the same. Much thanks. Sandya.
     
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  2. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    You have no idea how lucky you are to actually get out of a crappy marriage, many are stuck without a way out n suffering day in n day out even when they want to. Or divorce after wasting many years.

    You are independent n can take of yourself financially, again, you have no idea how lucky you are as many are stuck without a penny.

    Regarding your father, he did what he thought was right, understand that it’s you who will be suffering as long as you hold this inside you. Write a letter n give him, or make a phone call or meet him n tell him what’s in your mind. If you can’t do any of it, just write a letter n tear or burn it. Just get it out of your system.

    Regarding your appearance, as long as you are miserable, your ex is winning even after divorcing. His intention was to break you, n he’s doing that successfully even when he’s out of your life. So it’s a win for him. Do you really want him to win? Why not make him fail n you win by proving him wrong? You can even think of it like a revenge. Thin, thick, black, white, nothing matters, it’s all in your head. You dress up n click pix of yourselves. Stand in front of a mirror n admire yourself, call yourself beautiful. Force it in the beginning. But do it everyday.

    Your life, you are lucky to be single again, many I know got married in their 30s only, so you have a lot of time. You are young, single with no children. You are in a much better place here, seriously. Just live your life as a single person, don’t waste any more of your mind space or time on the negative people. Let them all be jealous with the way you live.

    Loneliness, you have to get busy. Join classes n go everyday, yoga, dance, music, arts, sewing, cooking, etc. It doesn’t matter, just join classes in your neighbourhood n go everyday. Start going out with your colleagues n friends. Do it even when you don’t want to. Get busy so u have lesser time to stress eat or wallow in negativity. Fill your house with fruits n veggies, don’t buy junk food. You can over work yourself that you fall asleep in that tiredness itself thus no need of the medicines. It maybe a lot more challenging in the beginning, n you have to push yourself. But it gets better with time.

    Instead of wasting time on your dad n ex, use all that time on you. By living in your past, you let them win. By living your present, you live for yourself. About future, your life will fall in line n good things will happen once you start living your life. You decide whether you want to win or let the bad win.
     
    mimi77, joylokhi, Anusha2917 and 2 others like this.
  3. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    @Happygirl6

    It's healthy to have clear boundaries, beyond which any behavior/treatment is deemed to be unacceptable (unless, the partner is clinically diagnosed with a personality disorder; in that case some leniency is allowed).

    This slow destruction of self-respect in the digging deep into the hole of 'saving the relationship' and the ensuing 'i am entirely responsible for this' to get a closure is how the individual in you got destroyed.

    You should understand that recovery is also a slow process; replacing bad memories with good ones, which means it's in your hands to make them. Holding on to the past and the people's roles that caused you to be stuck like this may perpetuate an identity of being the sufferer, it's injurious to the soul in the long run.

    You are young, you got ample time left. Make one small improvement a day and see your life witness a sea change over a period of time.
     
  4. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    One man ruined your past( knowingly or unknowingly).. and you are ruining present and future because of this other man..
    cant change past.. take control of present.

    Tackle one problem at a time!
     
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  5. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    Hi Sandy,
    Posting your query in a separate thread would fetch you more answers . Perhaps the admins may create a new thread for you under the right forum.
    Anyways I thought of giving you some heads up regarding your query.
    For the budget you have mentioned you will get a very decent apartment in Bangalore .
    As you must be aware this is a big city and there are many good schools here. What my suggestion would be 1) move to this city and take a rented place first. I'm not sure how old your kid is. Decide on the kid's school. Most of the schools have just started after the summer break . So you may have to wait until next academic year.
    2) if you are looking for job opportunity here then first look for a job and take a rented accommodation close-by. Kid's school can also be seen near by.. Once you are used to the city ,take a own house.
    3) traffic scenes are bad in Bangalore. So my suggestion would be stay close to your work place if you intend to work. If not take a accommodation close to kid's school.

    Hope this helped
     
  6. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks so much Anusha. I plan to relocate to Bangalore by next year only. My kid is 8years old and studying in Grade 3. I plan to start my apartment hunt during his Diwali vacations. That way I can also check out for school admissions. I hope the admissions for next academic year begins in November 2019 like in Mumbai. Please guide me. Also am unsure how to start my own thread for this topic as I dont see ny options or tabs. So please guide me on that as well. I have plans to start a preschool so initially for a year perhaps I will just settle and do my research to start. Any guidance will be so helpful. Much thanks. Sandya
     
  7. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    No August end you should start for schools. November is too late.
    Just to give you kind of idea about the places here :
    South of Bangalore is a complete residential place with no office spaces. Areas like Jayanagar, Basanvangudi, JP Nagar are prime areas here . Again it's all totally developed and no apartment culture . Moving further south on Kanakpura road can fetch you good apartments as they are newly developing.
    North Bangalore : airport close-by. So new areas are developing. Apartments are coming up in huge numbers. Cost wise okay as its developing. Hebbal, yelahanka few places you want to keep in mind.
    East Bangalore : all of office spaces are confined to this part of Bangalore. Prime areas include indranagar , white field , marathhalli etc. All are totally developed areas and saturated in terms of development . So you may find it difficult to find an apartment in the budget mentioned.
    West Bangalore : again residential like south Bangalore. Totally developed. Areas to explore rajajinagar, RR Nagar, vijaynagar, kengeri.
    Few other areas - electronic city, hsr layout, btm layout ,kormangala you can explore.
    My suggestion would be explore something extreme down south . With good metro connectivity commute is easy for you . And your pre school idea would work as I can see lot of new apartments coming up.
    Otherwise keep north Bangalore in mind . As lot of development is happening the preschool will definitely work. But metro connectivity is not there as of now. But may come sooner.
    Dear @satchitananda @Cheeniya sir: I'm tagging you here to request you to move the post by @Sandyr46 and my replies to her to a new thread. We are hijacking OP's thread.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2019
  8. Itsmylife143

    Itsmylife143 Platinum IL'ite

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    @Happygirl6 I don't know why these people get into a relationship when they don't want it and ruin other lives. You are out of that life don't carry forward leave it, I know its easy to say but coming out from a bad phase is hard still we can do it. Look about the future you are just 29 you can make life as you want. Get the things to your hand control it. Enjoy your life going out, long drives and tours stay away online for some time.

    Stay healthy and Stay blessed.
     
  9. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks so much Anusha. I'l await for my thread to be created so I can get more inputs.
     
  10. Happygirl6

    Happygirl6 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks for the advise. Yeah, I definitely need counselling as some days I am okay and some days I feel like there is no need to live. Even though I am focusing on other things, my future is always on my mind. I dont know if i can lead a life like this all alone. I dont have any plans of meeting a partner right now as I have lost faith in people. I dont love this guy but the scar cannot be forgotten.
     
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