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Guest Bringing Dish to dinner which is not fit in menu

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by coolgal123, Apr 23, 2015.

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  1. Apr 23, 2015 #1
    coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,

    we have invited a family on dinner 1 month before....she offered to bring a dish but i said tht you dont have no need to bring any dish ...just come comfortably...but she insisted i also insisted to not bring anything.....than she said no i will certainly bring dish x...she didnt ask me wht should she bring etc...she seem so excited about bringing that dish i was not able to say anything and said ok.
    but tht dish didnt fit in my menu ...my menu was spicy and dish was bland..and kind of spoiled my dinner as dish was heavy...but because she has taken the effort of bringing the dish so certainly i had to serve it with great enthusiasm...
    I was just not able to say tht please dont bring this dish as it will not go with other food...
    please suggest in future what should i do in this kind of situation...
     
    coolgal123, Apr 23, 2015
    coolgal123, Apr 23, 2015
    #1
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  2. Apr 23, 2015 #2
    sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    When she was insistent to bring something then you should have told her what would fit, you knew what she was going to bring and should have stopped it there. Or told her that it is rule in your house that guest not bring anything.
     
    sunshine1970, Apr 23, 2015
    sunshine1970, Apr 23, 2015
    #2
  3. Apr 23, 2015 #3
    hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    Did you know what dish it was beforehand?
    Could you have suggested some changes to make it "match" your dinner menu?
    You could have changed it when she told you - either the recipe or the dish itself !
    Or you could have tried tasting it at your place and added the required spices if the dish lent itself to last minute changes!!

    All said and done, if your relationship is more important than a dinner, "non-matching" menu shouldn't make a difference!

    You might have wanted the guests to enjoy your dishes as you presented to them, yes, but for the men and kids (if any) - it is good food, camaraderie and some good times!
    So, dont brood on "oh she spoiled my perfect dinner" unless your/DH's boss or the president was a part of the dinner!

    Next time, tell her - my DH/DS/I love this item but I dont usually make it, I heard it is your speciality - can you bring that ?
    After one or two such episodes, she might not ask to bring any dish at all OR you'll both come to an understanding on whats appropriate to bring!
     
    hrastro, Apr 23, 2015
    hrastro, Apr 23, 2015
    #3
    5 people like this.
  4. Apr 23, 2015 #4
    Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    @coolgal123, Most of my friends bring something or the other when I invite them for dinner. Usually the guest brings a small portion of dessert or a starter and never the main course as that is taken care of by the host.

    In future, if you feel its not going well with the menu, then perhaps you can gently suggest something else that she can bring? if i dont know the host too well, i generally stick with flowers and wine
     
    Rakhii, Apr 23, 2015
    Rakhii, Apr 23, 2015
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  5. Apr 23, 2015 #5
    nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    OP,

    When you go to her house, ask her what dish you can bring, that will fit in with her menu. She is likely to return the favour.
     
    nb25, Apr 23, 2015
    nb25, Apr 23, 2015
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    1 person likes this.
  6. Apr 23, 2015 #6
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I know exactly what you are talking about. And boy can it be so damn annoying. As a hostess I do put some effort into planning and cooking the few dishes I make, and when well-meaning but clueless guests insist on 'helping' by bringing their own dish to the not-potluck-dinner, one is truly helpless.

    I don't buy the 'friendship is more important than food/dinner party' thing. Yes, true, friendship and human feelings are more important, but so is being able to plan and serve a dinner one wants to.

    I usually make Indian food, and had one friend who used to always get one non-Indian item. I had to politely inquire the contents, and then inquire further about what kind of spoon to serve it.

    You don't have to serve the dish, and certainly not with enthusiasm. Just leave it on the table or wherever food is. Do ask about it, and praise it, but not serve it.

    Even better, put it in the fridge and say you are saving for later.

    I read about a similar problem in 'western' parties. Guests who bring wine bottle or dessert or gourmet basket for the hostess. The hostess said the wine did not go with the food/meat she had cooked. The advice columnist said it is the hostess' job to graciously accept the gift, and put it away, it does not have to be served.

    Same thing for guests who bring fresh flowers. I hate having to leave guests and food and all, and go running to find a vase for it, and then trim the stems and add the flower-food and set it up under the watchful eyes of the giver. I prefer when guests bring nothing, or a potted plant, or flowers in a vase with water already.

    Oh, and also leave my fridge, stove, microwave and all appliances alone. Have your child eat from the served foods. Don't take over my kitchen and start "cooking".

    Also, thank you for asking me where an item is before opening all the cabinets as if I have organized an adult treasure hunt. Please leave my dishwasher and sink as is. My DH gets a fit when you open the dishwasher with oily fingers. Don't touch the faucet with dirty hands. Just leave the plate by the sink. And please don't wash hands in the kitchen sink over the pile of plates. Yuck. Also, don't wet your fingers to wipe your toddler's face at my kitchen sink. That puts spit and drool in the kitchen sink. Please use the bathroom sink.

    yes, my guests do return, and I am quite polite and welcoming. Just venting here. OP,sorry. Hijacking your thread is no better than a guest hijacking the dinner menu. :)
     
    Rihana, Apr 23, 2015
    Rihana, Apr 23, 2015
    #6
    sindmani, yesican, kma and 4 others like this.
  7. Apr 23, 2015 #7
    justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Ah I learn something each day at IL
    Not to self : Take vase with water . I typically just take flowers ..and some dessert... bad JAG making hostess run around for a vase.
    For some of us ...no matter how much we cook with a bunch of men teens and preteens in the mix anything and everything including the pantry and its contents cooked or uncooked will be devoured.
    No one cares what was brought /bought or cooked and by whom..as long as everyone resembles a well fed python after the meal.
    I have cooked as a guest because the hostess ran out of something and she couldnt bear the thought of someone not eating well..and my guests have taken over my kitchen to make me some nice tea after a long day or some mac and cheese to pacify a cranky toddler. I remember nothing of the mess left behind just some laughter..and good times.
    ..More important to find friends who think like u do..and for the right friends a messy kitchen or less than perfect menu is a price I am willing to pay.
     
    justanothergirl, Apr 23, 2015
    justanothergirl, Apr 23, 2015
    #7
    23 people like this.
  8. Apr 23, 2015 #8
    Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    But but I do love to bring and receive flowers! Rihana!!! You just have to put up with me if I ever visit you :)
    Personally for me, finding a vase is not hard. So all I fill the vase, leave the flowers there and after dinner as we start winding up, I arrange them :)
     
    Srama, Apr 23, 2015
    Srama, Apr 23, 2015
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    3 people like this.
  9. Apr 23, 2015 #9
    Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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    now what would that X be.. thinkingsmiley
     
    Radhai, Apr 23, 2015
    Radhai, Apr 23, 2015
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  10. Apr 23, 2015 #10
    Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Ri, :hide: Bye Ri...
     
    Radhai, Apr 23, 2015
    Radhai, Apr 23, 2015
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