Grandma's secret....

With days getting shorter......
DS busy with his music practice and dinosaur books.....
DH busy as usual with his work.....
I have time in my hands....to indulge and spend as I please......

Working on a few crochet, cross stitch projects.....
Practicing singing.....
Making trips to refrigerator and desktop.....
And spending a substantial time browsing....:hide:..guilt pangs stung me.......

And I ventured into my favorite activity.....
Complete cleaning up and rearranging the home.....

While cleaning up the chest of drawers that I use for storing my pooja paraphernalia, I found a packet of "Kasthuri Manjal"( A type of turmeric powder with a characteristic pleasant aroma) that triggered memories my dear grandmother.:coffee

I was lucky to have 3 sets of grandparents......maternal, paternal and my dad's periappa,periamma........who, I believed for long were my dad's parents......

This Thaatha and Paatti ( Grandpa and Grandma) were very special and close to me.


Grandpa was an artist....and a perfectionist.......


We still have the cardboard box of his first 'Hero' pen...which he filled with 'turquoise blue' ink and wrote letters regularly to dear and near......


He introduced me to magazines and reading right from childhood.........


Our regular trips in the evening to the book stall at the railway station , followed by a visit to the sweets vendor and coffee seeds store are still fresh in my memory.




Walking back home with heavy bags filled with flowers ( chrysanthemum and jasmine for friday pooja),vegetables, fruits , sweets, freshly ground coffee powder and magazines....a bunch of them....Vikadan, Kalki, Mangai, Mangaiyar malar, Rathnabala, Chandamama, Tinkle ,Frontline, Wisdom.....with a hard 'Nutrine' candy in my mouth and two more clutched in my hands ,I would listen to the hundreds of mynahs and crows who would return to the large banyan tree at the railway station.......some days we would take a 'jutka' ( horse cart) ride back home....


Grandma would wait eagerly at the door and would receive us.....
We would have a nice Friday prayer and prasadham...( mostly kesari, sakkarapongal or sundal)


Then.....we would all settle to read.....each with a magazine......


Later, after dinner, grandpa and grandma would have thaamboolam together ( paan ). Every night, during my childhood ,I would sleep listening to slokas and interesting stories told by my dear grandma.



This was regular till my dear Grandma passed away.


Grandma was a friendly, charismatic person......wherever she was, she would bring laughter and cheer by her witty talks and songs......( I remember my mom telling about the 'situational songs' she used to sing...:bonk.. )


She was a little dark and would jokingly say...."Naanum thaathaavum ellum pacharisium maadhiri..." ( me and your Grandpa are like sesame seeds and rice together).

She always used 'kasthuri manjal'....and would always look neat.....in her 'Devendra sarees' and a little strand of jasmine on her totally greyed bun....



She was an avid reader too....she would read all magazines and Tamil novels......


She had a 'trunk box' for herself......
Have peeped into it when I was young.....
Smelling of camphor, there would be Silk sarees neatly stacked.....a few books.....a pouch of letters and photographs....crochet hooks , lace works etc., etc.,


Occasionally, she would open the box and put the sarees in sun...then refold them, with stories about each saree......


"This is our wedding saree....we got this specially woven from Kancheepuram...."
"This is for my seemantham....."...and so on......


Then she would read the letters preserved carefully in the pouch.....
I tried to sneak and read but she wouldn't let me.....


She, in turn would give me a notebook where there 'wedding expenses accounts' were written.....


"In those days gold was only Rs.25....."

"We used to have 4 day weddings those days"
"I was made to dress like a man and sing during my nalangu..." this and that and would divert me from the letters......



She had a photograph of herself in the pouch.......
Bust size black and white photo......
Her smile and eyes glittering along with her diamond ear rings and brooch....
Have asked her many times about the occasion when the photo was taken....
But she would always smile and never replied......
It was her little secret and she kept that secret till she passed away....


After she left us, I was cleaning up our home and came to her trunk box.........


Found the pouch in which she had kept her letters and the photograph......
I scanned through the letters and found one letter.....
It was from an old Tamil women's magazine's editor......asking for her photograph to publish along with her story......


Grandpa came near me and squeezed my shoulder......


" That was her first story.....and it ended up being her last one too.....my mother did not allow her to send the photograph as in those days ( late 1940s '50s) it was considered a taboo....and I was helpless.... " with a sigh and a string of tears .....


I sighed too....with tears in my eyes......on knowing my dearest grandma's secret.......


I sighed again today......full with her memories and trying to empathize with her.....


A string of tears and a snippet followed.....as a tribute to my dear grandma and her undisclosed secret...unshared pain.....and her passion for writing.....