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Good Or Bad ?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by LakshmiKMBhat, May 16, 2017.

  1. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear LakshmiKBhat,

    your snippet brought to mind the lines"kisiko mukkammal jahaan nahin milta, kisiko zameen to kisiko aasman naheen milta".

    It is very hard to compare our times with the times of our parents. It was a completely different world, a very different existence. Why, even the world we grew up in was so different from the one we live in today, it sometimes feels like some surreal dream. Which was better or worse? It really is not possible to say with any degree of certainty. Those days were simpler, peaceful, happy ..... but there were things we did not have then that we have today. Today's women have more options than the women those days. But are they necessarily happier? Would they be happy if they could trade places with their grandmoms? I don't know but I guess not.
    Finally there are no blacks and whites in life, only shades of grey. Happiness is something that springs from inside, rather than from without.

    I love the photos that you attach at the end of your snippets. It brings so much life to your narratives.

    Congratulations on your snippet being nominated by @iyerviji and @Doree.
     
  2. LakshmiKMBhat

    LakshmiKMBhat Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you so much Sir :) I believe we should live and do our best in the present and not really worry about the past or future. I too enjoy posting the photos. Regards, Lakshmi
     
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  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks Lakshmi. Only thing, I am not 'sir'. I am a female Satchitananda aka Satchi. :)
     
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  4. LakshmiKMBhat

    LakshmiKMBhat Gold IL'ite

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  5. LakshmiKMBhat

    LakshmiKMBhat Gold IL'ite

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  6. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Congratulations @LakshmiKMBhat on being nominated to FP for this post!

    Ever so often we keep referring to our past and how our ancestors lived and how we live now. Like someone has already mentiond, "yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery and today(present) is gift" ! No matter what we may say, future keeps unfolding and we have to live day to day. So better make the best of the "gift" and not wallow about past!

    Who is to say what was better and what is bad? Grandmothers are best at smiling and nurturing. It is only with age do we understand that she too was a woman with dreams, hopes, problems and disappointments. So easy to say all that we have today achieved through science, progress and discovery is negative. But we all know that it is far from the truth!

    L, Kamla
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2017
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  7. LakshmiKMBhat

    LakshmiKMBhat Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you Madam, We are what we are because of our past and I believe we should do our best in the present and not compare our lives with that of the past. Each age is different. Thank you so much , Lakshmi
     
  8. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    My mother born in 1903, lived in a joint family throughout her life.Upto my marriage I too lived in the same joint family.My mother was totally exhausted with physical work, mental strain and all her capabilities were wasted at the grindstone.She was a genius, very good in Maths.She used to solve even the most intricate puzzles with a chalk in the cemented platform of our cow shed.My brother's daughter doing B. Sc. maths, whenever had some difficulty , would hand over the problem to my amma and the answer will be ready amidst her all other chores.She had studied only upto 3rd standard.Her abundant knowledge in every field-in maths, music or science was simply amazing.Her desire during her last years was" I should have a separate room of my own where I can think independently or do things of my interest."She died at 85 with none of her ambitions fulfilled.She was totally against the joint family system, in which the kartha, the eldest son of the family was the head and others had to simply obey what he dictated.There was no decision making power in others.They were simply slaves to the head.,who was 'ego concentrate'.We should say that with disintegration of joint family system, individual thinking, decision making, confidence to solve one's own problems, ability to stand on one's own legs,to do what I need in the interest of my small family- all developed.
    Whenever I got first rank or centum in maths, my mother could not appreciate me openly, as one of my cousins had failed in the same exam.Even to get a hug from Amma we had to be taken to the backyard under some pretext.I have been hit by my aunts for getting good marks.Tearing the notebook and erasing the home work done by us in slate were of daily occurrence.Everything was tolerated for protecting the 'Joint family' Dharma.

    It is of great interest to note that sage Gautama in his 'Gautham Dharma Sasatra' has allotted a separate chapter for'individual living' and hails the positive points'
    " Vibhage thu Dharma Vriddhi:" he gives tribute to what we call 'thani kudiththanam-individual establishments" these days.
    It is not that only the later generation parted with ways and started living separately. Even sages of those days had really thought about it and there are so many commentaries.
    When science advanced, school/college education became prominent, society developed,people had to leave the house hold for jobs, it resulted in 'Vibhaga'-and the process as enunciated by sages ,commenced its wonderful journey,at the ripe time.

    There is nothing good or bad about the system.Each had its own negatives and positives.Even if you want, you cannot go back to joint family system.Those who have practically lived ,know better rather than having a textual knowledge of joint family system.Myself and my sister had written essays for nearly 200 pages about our joint family experience. There was no one to appreciate our stand and we were seen as tyrants.
    Jealousy was a predominant feature in every joint family household.Neither the weaker child was given opportunity
    special attention to improve ,nor the brilliant one was encouraged to the desirable extent.They had time only to cook, clean, wash .
    Now we have full freedom.Even a single child can be taught to share.Transformations in society and scientific developments can never be stopped.It is for us to make the best use.

    Jayasala 42
     
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  9. LakshmiKMBhat

    LakshmiKMBhat Gold IL'ite

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    My husband grew up in a joint family, fortunately for him he did not experience the type of experiences you had. Even the girls in the family did not have such experiences. Yes there were limitations. My father-in-law's elder brother was the head of the family and his word was the law. All the children used to turn to my father-in-law with all their problems or if they needed anything. Women as you have written were busy from morning to night. I wouldn't want to trade places with them :) The individual was not as important as the familyas a whole. It was a different life. I keep telling my husband that he should write about that life because now no one would even know or understand such a life. Regards, Lakshmi
     
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  10. Umanga

    Umanga Gold IL'ite

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    What a fascinating, fascinating post. Thank you for writing it. In modern Indian families, it is the poor or disinterested student who suffers. He is the one who is constantly berated for his performance and compared to the sibling, neighbour or relative who has done well. In your family, it was the opposite.

    I feel your mother's pain. We all wish for solitude. Few are lucky enough to find it.

    I and the other members of this forum would be interested in reading those 200 pages of essays written by you and your sister documenting your experiences in your joint family. Kindly publish them on this site or as an e-book. It would make for fascinating reading.

    Thanks.
     

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