Good husbands do exist!

One thing, I like to keep on insisting that have a separate bank account under your name and save money, we will never know what the future holds for us, tomorrow.

Yes, we also ended up in a financial disaster during/after dotcom boom. So, do the rest of the world!

The "smarty pants" DH lost everything, including his job at end of the dotcom boom. Well, I trusted DH,
didn't pay too much attention to our bank account and had a joint account at that time. Along with some of the friends, he ended up investing in start up companies and he, himself joined one such a start up. In matter of months, he lost his job and the complete bank account. DH ended up jobless, it took him 3-months to find a job and then, 9-months later, he found the job for his calibre. It is his "dream job" and it worked out to be fine at the end. But, one time, we were depending on my next month salary for survival. I believe, my son was in middle school at that time and no money for his future, college, nothing. It was extremely scary situation, even to think about it, now.

I didn't say/ask a single word about the money that was lost. DH used to brag about the start up companies/its flow of money, suddenly he became very quite. Once, we re-established ourselves again, the first thing, I did was open up a separate bank account myself and started savings for my son's education. DH has his ways
to be nosy on my business, ended up quite after I added his email, to the account. After that, DH didn't speak about any further investment and any 'short cut' to become a multi-millionaire.

Eventually, I ended up talking with my dad about what happened. That's was the second time, Dad gave me advise, 'As a family, I can't say/talk about money to son-in-law. But, all I can say is, you can protect yourself by saving your income. If DH wants to invest or likes to take a risk, it is up-to-him. He will not listen, even if I say something to him. He has to come to his own senses'.

Wow, thinking after ~12 years later, I still admire my dad. If it is anyone else, could have jumped on DH, but my dad didn't say a single word to DH, saved both of their dignity and pride.

 

My retirement plan - still open.

Few years ago, my dad started to worry about me...how/where am I going to retire? My Dad is nearing 75, but, he still worries about me.

Dad is a retired civil engineer. Still, provides consultation for commercial building construction, property evaluation etc. Very smart, invested wisely. He may have more money than us, working our entire life in abroad.

Dad started to talk about my retirement as soon as my son finished his masters. Dad started saying, I should come/settle in India while he is still active. Well, I did seriously thought about going back, at one point.

Parents are very special, no one could ever, unconditionally love us like our parents do. Specially, father and daughter relationship is a magical one!

These are the men in my life had to say about my retirement:

My son's perception of me, I behave like a 12-year old (still, I do 'kid around' with him, like I used to do with sis/bro & tease him a lot), I am a disaster, can't take care of myself. As long as DH is around, I would be fine. Actually, my son worries a lot about me, I need to be with others always, otherwise, I will lose few nuts/bolts up there! I should go back to India or live closer to him (my son).

My dad says, I should come back, to live closer to one of my sisters. Both of my sisters live closer to my parents. Dad has very low confidence in me, I will not be able to take care of myself, alone. Dad even has a flat built/ready and keeps it for me to move in, any time. Of course, my dad meant to move both us, back to India, to work locally.

DH says that 'I am emotionally a strong person, and I can take care of myself just fine, if necessary. I don't/will not depend on anyone else, to take care of me'. DH lost his parents long time ago, he is in touch with sis/bro, but not involved that much on his family side. DH will never agree to move closer to my family. Over the years, DH may have mellowed down about my parents but still, holds that 'old' grouches against my parents. The cold war between my mom and DH is never ending story. Some times, I think, my mom and DH are playing their power game over me.

So far, I have always taken my dad's advise without having any second thought.

Not sure, who is right? All of them are right to some extend. Only time will tell...I don't think, we are that old yet, to think about retirement. But, not too far either.

 

Dear OP,

Nice thread! My husband is very responsible towards the family (me and my kid), does not insist on me talking to my ILs. Actually, my parents have a greater relationship with my ILs than I have, since they keep visiting each other in India...I mainly thought on replying to this thread as my DH thanks me too, yes, he says the words "Thank You" for every meal I prepare for him, well except the times when we are upset with each other.. LOL...I laugh it off, but I guess I should acknowledge his thanks...well that sums up, I have a good partner by my side

 

Hi Freddycat,
I read ur post and i am suggesting the following putting myself in ur shoes.
I think every woman on earth would like to settle down near her parents and siblings in the period close to retirement. Thats very true!
After having worked all the years in foreign i think its quite natural for a lady to expect emotional support and bonding with her parents.(that too when the in-laws are no more!!) You can actually speak to ur husband and get this plan worked out. May be by this time ur mom also would have known how to treat ur husband henceforth, I dont think there would be any room for complaints from her side .

 

Thanks Mrudhani for your response. I am looking for the proper 'slot' to bring up the retirement with DH, again.

 

Hi Freddycat,
My best wishes to u!!