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giving your laziness a good name “Depression”

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by creeper, Dec 17, 2009.

  1. happywoman

    happywoman Silver IL'ite

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    Hi creeper,

    Dont mention about your depression to your hubby. Whats the use of sharing with someone who doesnt want to understand. Dont underestimate your worth. You were working earlier and it means that you are capable at any given point of time to do that again. Its just a matter of time.

    In the meanwhile, strengthen yourself and develop a strong (VERY STRONG) positive attitude towards life. Do not let any one disturb your peace of mind. I hope you dont have any other health issues apart from this. Do whatever you like/enjoy which will relax your mind....maybe singing,painting or dancing...whatever crazy it might be. Your hubby should be amazed to see this change in you. Also do not expect and be after him for your support. He himself should realise your worth and look upon you for his support. Im sure that day will come, ONLY if you have patience.
    Say your prayers everyday and believe in everything.
    Have a happy new year ahead.
     
  2. infinitehopes

    infinitehopes Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Creeper,

    I guess your situation is as tough on him as it is on you. I feel that at times guys really cannot express themselves well and we interpret it differently too.

    I think what he "may" really be looking forward to is someone who enjoys her career. And thats what I feel he meant when he said "he chose you over other girls of his mothers choice". I must have thought that you enjoy your career and will continue to pursue it after marriage too.

    We - girls - think that money we get from our jobs are "pocket money" and should not be considered as an income to depend upon. But did you try to understand why he wants you to take up a job in IT? I feel, he is not enjoying his job but has to do it for lack of choice - to support the family. But may be he wants to do something else in life, and feels that if you start earning, he will get some breathing space to think about it. We can easily mistake this situation as "he married me for money". When we talk about equal rights - lets be fair - and this is really what equal rights mean... our money become part of income, which the family would depend upon. It doesn't remain for "fun" anymore.

    I think once you understand / share / discuss these things with him, you will know why he is insisting on you having a job, why only IT (I agree - this is not a must, but IT definitely has more money and squeezes more life out too). Share with him that you understand and either agree or not agree. It is possible that you are enjoying being at home and being a perfect wife, but may be that's not what he is expecting. Trust me, working together to achieve someone's ambition together is equally exhilirating ! So once you understand and share his emotions / expectations, may be you will be able to convince me that an IT job is not necessarily a must - but hear from him why he thinks you must take IT job - may be he feels that you will get bored - as probably he is getting bored now.

    About depression - Try this first, before you decide you are depressed and needs clinical attention.

    Remember - it takes 21 days to develop "habit". Test for yourself if what you are going through is depression or lack of routine / habits to cheer you up.

    Draw / print a chart and hang it in such a way that you can see it everyday. Write the things you want to develop a habit for and check it everyday when you accomplish it. Trust me - it motivates yourself so much and helps us do certain things everyday to develop a habit. It could be as small as "read one new article" on a particular website. Develop a habit, which will help you face an interview and help you develop your skills. If you can discipline yourself and drive your mind to do things that you want to do, then I think you can help yourself from getting into real depression.

    All the best !
     

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