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Giving Up In Life - Lost Hope

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by Star25, Aug 17, 2019.

  1. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

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    Friends,
    In continuation to my previous write up 'Left alone.. Feel my life has come to an end' I wsnt to express how I feel now.. Well I tried to keep myself happy as much as possible but situations are testing me to the extent possible that I am saying 'I can't move further in life.. I'm done. There's no point I see in why I must live or for whom I must live. My life serves no meaning to anyone '.. The reason why am talking like this is my parents themselves are behaving like my enemies.. They r ignoring me and not talking even a single word.. Every day my mom and dad talk to my sister and care for her so much (who lives in abroad). They don't even care to talk to me or bother how I feel.. I feel like am an orphan in my own house.. Everywhere I go am alone.. I have no one to talk to, no one to go out, no one to ask where I went, did I eat or not, how I feel, how was my day.. Nothing..morning I wake up get dressed to ofc, eat and leave, come bk home eat and sleep in my room. By the time I come home my parents would sleep off.. Night I feel so lonely.. I am crying almost everyday.. All I have is just me and all I have is me to help myself.. I'm only 37 .. It's seems to me as if my time in this world is over but thrse are extra grace days that God gave and was not meant to be lived hence am suffering like this.. I did everything for my family..i agreed to all that my parents say so far, even my second marriage whomever they asked me to marry even if it's against my wish and and asked them to save money for my sisters marriage.. They were insisting to get married soon as my sister is in queue.. Even before i got married I used to give all my earnings to them.. During my second marriage my friends told me to do a background check on the groom as lot of ppl are cheating now a days.. I told my parents that I will ask him to do a health check up my parents said no need of all that what if he makes changes and gives us how we will know all that is not necessary.. They didn't even want to ask his divorce papers even after I insisted..later only I came to know after marriage that he got divorced but he had 2 cases dowry case and criminal case that was not settled..my parents were only convincing me in all possible ways not to ask any of these.. I asked the guy myself he said all settled and he's all fine and healthy.. That's when I asked my parents to probe.. But they failed to even do that.. They have put me down so badly when I needed their help and now they left me to suffer and they r happy and cheerful without any kind of worry.. I Don know how they can be so cool.. Its as if all were waiting to pull me down and not take part in my sadness.. They forced me to marry this guy and now they also left me helpless.. I Don get angry with relatives or third person when my parents themselves betrayed me so much.. I Don know where to go and what to do.. I feel am done with life and can't push further.. I Don want to be alone and lonely at al..i want someone to talk to.. I have sexual feelings too...i poured my heart out.. Thanks for reading my story friends ..ny story is one of a kind where I want to stay out of my house and want to go to work during the day bcoz I can't stay at my house seeing my family ignore me or be so happy when am suffering inside so much.. I'm writing this sitting in the metro and Don want to go home and the person came and told that I must not sit here for long.. I have good education and am from a wealthy background and ppl say I look like an actress but what's the use when I have everything but in the end left alone ND depressed with no purpose to live . No meaning to why I exist.. Am happy that I have at least IL to share this..
     
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  2. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    Dear, firstly understand that this ur life and the only one life we have so please live it. See u have a career, come from a wealthy background why do you have to live with ur parents? Cant you get a place on ur own? Why should ur parents make the decision of ur second marriage? Can you search the best partner for u? Y are u expecting ur parents to b there for u all the time? Its not difficult for a single woman to live life to the fullest nowdays. Ur 37 and no teenager that u need ur parents to b around or make the decisions for u. Ur 'happiness' is in ur hands
     
    Meghaa, lavani, BhumiBabe and 4 others like this.
  3. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes dear I Don want my parents to be with me at all but right from my childhood they did not allow me to take any decision and it wasn't any of my choice at all everything they will force me to do and I did it but my sister they left her freely and now they forced me to marry this person and now they left me alone in this mess they have to sort it out right? I never wanted to marry him at all.. They r reluctant to do anything..mu mom is saying ur dads health is important to me.. We can't walk to court n all again.. If I stay elsewhere I have to manage all the expenses on my own.. As such I have to save money for myself and also if I leave my house that's it they won't even remember they had me as a daughter..thry will forget altogether..
     
  4. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    I can understand what you might be feeling. It's difficult to live alone and more difficult to live life like this. Life is all about our view and our decisions. What you feel about your parents is not wrong but that's also true that you were not strong enough to take decision of your own life. This is a challenge for you. To become strong to decide about your own life. With each day our life is going towards the end. We get the limited time to live and to achieve all that we want. If we spend that precious time more towards our growth it will help us more than passing it with the feeling of hurt or any other negative feelings. I know it's not easy to stop them but the need is to push yourself out of that.

    Depression is the state that makes the mind dumb and with that mind no one can take the decisions. Push yourself out of this. Vent out as much as you can and try to move on after that.

    Just stand up and do something positive. If you feel like then go to some temple and talk to God silently about all your issues. Sit there for sometime. You will definitely get some strength.

    Take those desires that you want to fulfill. Just think about them and start working towards them as much as you can. The needs of the time and your age are justified but for that too you need to stand up for yourself. Ending up the life will not change anything. But facing it with more courage each day can take you to some better position. You are strong enough to take the hold and we all know that you can do this.

    If no one in real then don't forget that we the virtual people of IL have faith in you and want you to fight back. All the best for that and take care.
     
    BhumiBabe, Anusha2917, Giri12 and 3 others like this.
  5. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, I agree with other posters here.

    Its high time you stand up for yourself and learn to say NO for thing you cannot agree. No one can force any one to do any thing unless that person agree to do it. If freedom fighters had given up, what would have been the situation. You some how agreed to second marriage. So you are partially responsible for your situation now. ACCEPT it. We cannot change the past, so think about what you can do to make your life better.

    No one else is going to come and take decisions for you. It not magic. Your parents know that you lack courage and confidence, so you stay like this for ever protecting their honor. Stop comparing with your sister or others. Its your life and its unique.

    They may be feeling that they have done their duty and its your destiny, which they cannot change. May be they might have given up. Or they are scared to deal with it. Once they feel that you are serious and or else they loose their daughter, they may change their attitude. They are not living you life. So they dont understand your confusion or pain and like to ignore it.

    So you need to build a life for you. you are not a kid, but a mature woman. Be a fighter. What I mean is think everyday, what do you want in life. Develop strong wish to fight against odds and succeed. Develop a never ever give up attitude.

    Take baby steps. Now you need to get out of this bad marriage and be free. So talk to your husband, and file mutual divorce. It will be done in six months if he agrees with that. Consult lawyer and try to get of this marriage. You can do it yourself. Many people are doing that.

    If you have a job why you worry about your parents money. Are you not earning enough? Instead of creating a negative attitude, arguments, face the issue with more courage and smartness. Dont make moving out of house as a big issue,do it diplomatically. If they try to argue, dont encourage it. Use convenience as the reason. Move to a hostel near your work place, or change your job location, so that you can be away. If you want to stay single, you need to save money for yourself, you need to build your life . Your parents wont be alive to take care of you for the rest of your life. You are so dependent on parents. Come out of that shell. You can do it. Take baby steps. Build a supporting system, like friends, colleagues etc.. that can also help you.

    More courage, strength and confidence to you. If you are a religious person, believe in almighty and pray every day. It helps those who believe in it. Count your blessing too. You have a job, not many people even dont have it. Its a great help. See other positives too, however small it may be.

    Be positive.

    [ so many suggestions were given in your last post. have you tried any of those, what you have done since then. It worked or not, just curious]
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2019
    Meghaa, lavani, BhumiBabe and 8 others like this.
  6. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks dear.. Yes it's really hard for me to push like this.. I need someone kind of support even to get the strength to come of it is what I think... I've been keeping all these inside myself and crying everyday.. Finally I thought I must vent this out here so that at least will feel good that u are all there for me ..I Don know what to do next.. Am focussing on my career now.. I will keep posting from time to time so that I will get some kind of guidance from u all and hopefully will come out of this mess someday..
     
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  7. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Don't cry daily. Sometimes try not to cry. Set a goal to spend no cry day. Smile with force and force yourself more to be happy. We all are facing depression in one way or the other. Don't feel that you are the only weak person on earth. All of us have our own part of challenges and push ourselves towards them. We are here to give that push to each other. :thumbup:
     
  8. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

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    OMG thank u so much dear u have thought about my situation so much in depth and typed so much for me ..really means a lot to me.. Yes I'm thinking negatively and losing hope ..what u said about my parents and what they are thinking is absolutely crct ..they must be thinking what all u said only.. Yes I have not been a fighter all these days.. I must rise up.. I know that but it's really hard.. Yes I took all your suggestions from previous thread that's why was able to pull on for all these days.. please keep encouraging me like this dear and help me come out of this..
     
  9. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Star25,
    Buck up and be of good cheer. This may be a low point but you have your life ahead of you. You are only 37 look at it positively. There is a saying that ‘all in life happens for our good only’. Look at the positive in your situation. You are young. You have job. If your parents are leaving you alone that is also positive no, Instead of pushing and forcing you to do this that? Yes you are not used to taking decisions because you were never allowed to but now you start. Baby steps. Think deeply what you want, set your goals and start taking steps. And bigger as you get confidence. Remember this time and extract only the lesson from it and move forward. Rest pain anger etc forget it. Forgive but don’t forget because you paid a big price for these lessons.

    When you start doing well again all these people who left you alone now will be back again with all their well meaning advice and pushing etc then you ask them where were you when I needed you. For now make yourself strong and push forward. You have nothing to lose.
     
    BhumiBabe, Star25 and messedup like this.
  10. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi @Star25 stop blaming yourself and struggle even more.
    As others have started you must be first strong enough.

    If you feel tat your family is least bothered about you, leave the house and stay somewhere in PG or hostel, atleast you will have some change and can make some friends too.

    If you feel tat all these things are not working, why can’t you go abroad, Like get a PR in any of the immigrant friendly countries.

    Try researching more about this based on your job and education. If you get a PR you can move to that country, get a job ,make new friends, travel etc etc
    If you are still not happy with this you can come back to India.
    But for all these things you must be brave and strong.
     
    messedup likes this.

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