Getting Into Wedlock.

Joylokhi....frankly I think it was a troll asking the question just to get a shocked reaction from readers....you know.... getting the eyeballs.
I write not because girls like this are not around...but because it is very unlikely they will post it to get advice.I could understand if she wrote bad things about in laws....but to write that they are nice and then the rest just looks silly.
The print media is also going the 'TV ' way....

Or else the girl has a psychological problem.

 

Dear Joylokhi,
You have brought forth a significant topic to the fore.Normally we cannot take
the cases ( real or fictitious) that appear in magazines for arriving at any conclusion.
Specific cases cannot be generalized also.The specific girl referred to may be having a problem like'bi polar disorder'.No sane girl would openly proclaim her weakness in a journal or perhaps the magazine publishes such letters just for popularity.

Most marital difficulties center around one fact —men and women are TOTALLY different. The differences (emotional, mental, and physical) are so extreme that without a concentrated effort to understand them, it is nearly impossible to have a happy marriage.
In those days when women were not much educated and depended entirely on men . Living separately was considered a taboo on the society.Many of those marriages were just pulled on because of societal pressures.All the marriages cannot be stated to be successful.
But situation has changed a lot.No doubt women want to establish their stand point more than men.A famous psychiatrist once said, “After thirty years of studying women, I ask myself, ‘What is it that they really want?'” If this was his conclusion, just imagine how little we know about women.

Leave alone the specific case on which the discussion has emanated. Virtually every cell in a man’s body has a chromosome makeup entirely different from those in a woman’s body.
The “seat” of the emotions in a man’s brain is wired differently than in a woman’s. By virtue of these two differences, men and women are miles apart emotionally and physically.

It is observed by many psychologists that women are some what selfish than men, and that this selfishness gives them the perseverance to deal with critical situations more intelligently than men.This selfishness is the foundation on which the women are glorified as virtuous.This is the genetic make up of women, in general.

This innate feature of ours has to be nurtured and cultivated by family and society.
Otherwise the life of women will be meaningless.

The caring imperative--putting others before oneself--seems to be especially urgent and binding in the lives of women. If a man is accused of'selfishness' he will just shrug off and say'yes, I am selfish'. The patriarchal society of ours picturises manliness as
involving and striving toward self-enhancement, ambition, competition , and aggression.

For women, an accusation of selfishness hits harder, since an ethos of caring is seen as a bedrock of the concept of femininity. The desire not to be seen as--and not to feel--selfish seems to motivate and shape the lives of women more than the lives of men.

It is this selfishness, if you may call so, is the foundation for success of many house wives in the society.Their assertion need not be mistaken as aggression.This assertion was a part of women and grandmas of earlier days too, that too with patriarchy in full force.
I do agree that many modern girls ,even during the proposal stage asks" Are you bringing any luggage while we set up our own family?"( By lauggage she means -the parents of the boy.
Not that she is desirous of bringing her own parents.She treats both equally.
But these girls, once settled are responsible to the core, bring up their children well and teach them the necessity of co operation, co existence etc.With a single child in many homes they arrange for play day, 'dine together' etc etc knowing fully well that these get togethers never become personal or cause interference.It will ever be 'hello' 'hello' relationship for ever.
I have been brought up in a very big joint family of 25 people and I know about the negatives very well. Now in the present generation all cousins had two or three kids and the next gen has a single child formula.For the future generation the relationship as uncle, aunt, brother, sisters will be only in books and in the family tree which the child prepares for a project and will be forgotten altogether.
We may live at the most for another 10 or 20 years and thereafter there will be no one even to talk about these relationships and it will become'once upon a time' business.
There will be faceless friends in the facebook and the trend has already started.
We have no way but to accept the change.No use of lamenting over the impossible impractical co existence and all. The word 'cousin' can be totally removed from the dictionary in another 25years.
We need not brood over the fictitious incidents reported.All are fine with modern girls/guys.Let us live our way and let them live peacefully with their concepts, suited to them.
Jayasala 42