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First Kid At What Age?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by star90new, Jun 22, 2018.

  1. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear ladies,

    I know the age at which one plans a kid depends on so many factors.Even then when is the right age to have a kid for a husband and wife with a four years age gap?
    At what age did you have your first and second child ? Do you consider age gap while planning? (Age gap of parents and kids)Do you regret planning to have earlier or later?
     
  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    There is no right or wrong age.

    If you have good help or physical energy,tolerance or is financially sound to hire help...one can definitely have a child when they want to.

    The above are the main criteria I feel which determines when one can start motherhood.

    I had my kid when I was 32 and absolutely no regrets. I will still be reasonably young(50) when my kid leaves for college.

    I enjoyed few years just me and my dh ,travelled well and now I am fine.

    However, I do envy some mothers who are done by 40 ! One of my friend had her daughter when she was 20.now she is a free bird :)
     
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  3. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks for the reply anika987.
    How old was your husband when you had your first child ?
    Hows your relationship with your kid ? Do you have a second child?
     
  4. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    There no fixed age to have a kid.
    The age gap of husband and wife has nothing to do with it.

    Even if both husband and wife are healthy, there is no guarantee that their reproductive "instruments" work the way it should be. So we should consider all aspects as fertility treatments needs time. As women age especially above 35y the chances of baby with genetic or other disorders can increase. However, there are new techniques available to test it early itself.

    Some questions one can consider assuming both are ready and healthy to welcome a baby. How many kids you want? What should be the age gap?. This will give some idea about the time line. Once kids are born , their mother can focus on career as lot of investments in time and energy is required in the beginning.

    In India many doctors suggest to have first child before the mother turns 30 yrs. In US they will encourage you even when you are in your 40s if you are healthy.

    Both my kids were born when I was in my 30+. They have an age gap of 3 years. Even though I was busy with my job and no one to help, I thought a sibling should be there for my first child. I am so happy that I did so that they have a company in home itself. In US, it is tough to be a single child demanding more parental time. My first one was clinging to me all the time till my second one started playing with him.

    Consult a doctor before you ttc . They may check general health and suggest you take folic acid or prenatal vitamins in advance.

    Anyway it is your life & your choice.
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2018
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  5. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot . Your reply is giving some idea of how to plan.
    How old was your husband when you had your first child?
    Did you take a break from work , to look after the kids?
    Do you try and help your eldest with homework after you return from work?
     
  6. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    We have an age gap of 1 year. I dont think it's important.
    No, I took maternity leave of three to four months each time. Both of us managed everything ourselves.My PILS came and helped us once I started going back to work. My kids joined day care when they were around 8 to 9 months. In U S, daycare accept babies as young as one month.

    Yes, even though I have a very busy and demanding career that needs lot of focus, I am like a house wife in home. I help kids with everything including cooking food for them, cleaning, helping them with homework etc.... My Dh helps me too. But mostly it's me. I generally follow a schedule that gives time to manage life in a better way. I also try to find at least half an hour daily as my "me time" to relax as much as possible. Now training kids to do their stuff so that I can monitor instead of doing everything for them.
    All these by learning through experience.
    Hope this helps. Do what is best for you as each case is different.
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2018
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  7. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    I had my first kid when I was 26. Second child when I was 30.
    Dh and I will be 50 when our older one turns 24 and younger one 20~21.
    Every couple is different and their dynamics are different, their support systems and situations are different.
    Cant compare one with the other.
     
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  8. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    Thats nice, how was it having kids at 26 , while both of you were young? How long of a break did you take from work? I think most of the couples these days are the same age.

    My husband is 4 plus years elder to me. Thats why ask about age gap . Like if I have a kid at 30 and the second at 35. My husband will be 40 by the time we have our second kid.
     
  9. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    We loved having kids at that age.
    Our DD will be 11 soon. We go for haircuts together, get nails done together, roam in the malls, I wanted to be young enough to fool around with a tween kid and hence the choice of having kids at 26.
    Again this is a personal choice. To each their own.

    Kids were never an issue for our couple time. We made sure we set some time for ourselves. We used to and still do, go for lunches while kids were at child care/school.
    For us its really important to keep the spark on especially after kids. We cannot go for dinners because we have no one with whom we can leave the kids. So we do lunches/coffees.
    Our kids know when we go for lunches. We tell them openly and wont hide anything from them because for us its away to teach them that mamma and daddy need sometime as wife and husband too.

    Both kids were born in India. I took 2 years gap when DD (Child#1)was born. And 6 months maternity leave when DS was born.
    However, I had a great support system though I was at home. My inlaws lived with us and were really helpful.
    I do have issues with my inlaws but kids welfare was their priority too.
    MIL has some problems with me but we never got kids into our issues.
    I will always remain grateful for that and because of her I could restart my career after DD.
    We moved to Australia when DD was 5 1/2 and DS was 2. I stayed home for almost 3 years amd started work when DS turned 5.
    It was not super difficult to manage them.
    I have been working from past 2.5 years and its real busy and demanding work.
    But I am like a house wife too. I have a schedule and plan accoding to which we operate. DH helps but usually its my responsibility - cooking, cleaning, homework etc.
    weekends DH and Kids take over the kitchen and I usually sleep in.
    Its all about how you plan and organise things.
     
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  10. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    Thats good to know that you had a great support system when you wanted.
    May I know in which field your are working?
     

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