1. Want to get periods immediately before attending a religious event? Check this out for tips...
    Dismiss Notice
  2. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Finding Balance When Dealing With A Family Crisis

Discussion in 'Health & Wellness' started by Angela123, Jan 24, 2020.

  1. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    351
    Likes Received:
    490
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello Everyone,

    I am struggling to find a balance between work-life, and this is mostly mental stress. My dad back home is dealing with some chronic health issues and was hospitalized suddenly in the last two days. He is in a good hospital, have my sister and family as well as mom with him. We have extended family to stay and care if needed, but not allowed other than visiting. I can't fly home now because i work full time and have vacation days just enough to cover may be a week. Also, right now things are not that critical, as this situation may continue for years, so I could go just to visit. I am so stressed and have problems concentrating in work. I call them multiple times even at work and continuously thinking about them, and feel like the information is not good enough. This is mainly because my mom and dad don't share much information on their health thinking "not to worry her, since she is abroad". When I go home, DH being supportive, analyses everything from the medical stand point and it is helping at the time, but as soon as I get back to work, I start being all fidgety again. I need some pointers to calm down and deal with this. How do you tackle this kind of situation?
     
    Loading...

  2. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    9,898
    Likes Received:
    24,527
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Sorry to read about your dad's hospitalization, Angela, but glad to know he is surrounded by family and relatives and receiving reliable care in a good hospital.

    How to calm the monkey mind that keeps churning over the same thoughts again and again even when it knows that is not productive and actually destructive? We have to try a few ways and then we can identify what works. The usual suggestions are meditation, regular exercise, talking with a friend or spouse, maintaining a journal.

    I've found meditation and regular exercise most useful. But these are better started when things in life are mostly calm. Writing it down helps to assign the "worry" or "analyze" specific times. Not a "Dear Diary" kind of writing, but a more organized system, such as sections for to-do's, not-to-do's, this is going well so far, need to research, ..." Spending 10-15 minutes on it once or twice daily gives us the feeling of being more in control and that we are "doing something" and not just sitting helpless.

    At really low times, what has helped me is the realization that if I am don't lessen the worrying, I cannot be the mother I want to be. Nothing like this guilt to make one snap out of it.

    Another thing you can tell yourself is that this is only the start. You need to conserve your energy and spirit. Get used to not being told the details by parents or sister. And also at times to taking care of huge bills but your opinion not being important in medical decisions. One of my most difficult keep-my-mouth-shut was to not interfere when family continued to have my 70+ mother seen by a doctor who was 75+ and clearly not able to diagnose overlapping symptoms and ailments properly.
     
    SinghManisha, sindmani, Mistt and 2 others like this.
  3. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,596
    Likes Received:
    2,019
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    Try weekend to weekend travel to india and see personally your dad. Talk with doctors firsthand info. Try to help your dad and mom in this one week, by staying in hospital give some rest to your mom.
     
  4. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    351
    Likes Received:
    490
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female

    Thank you for your words Rihana. I will start doing the organized writing. I am trying to remember to breathe and try to focus, it is hard, but I will have to get thru it.
     
  5. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    351
    Likes Received:
    490
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female

    My work situation and responsibilities I have here currently doesn't allow me to do a weekend to weekend travel. DH's work involves a lot of travel and I have to take care of DD. He traveling currently and has more travel coming up. So unless it is very urgent, I can only manage everything over facetime or phone. Technology definitely helps, and make things manageable, but it doesn't reduce my stress. Hence the post.
     
  6. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,090
    Likes Received:
    4,970
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Good advice.
    Tolerating the lack of information from far away relatives is a tough thing to do.

    When living far away (whether abroad, or within the same country), it is the hardest to train oneself to think that one is not entitled to the information on really-what's-going-on, or why one's opinions do not count for much. Paying or having-paid substantial bills, for whatever purpose, is a huge mental block that makes this training much harder.

    This happens on both sides - with parents, and with (teen & adult) children. Recently I read the advice about keeping communications open, and let the information come, whenever it does.
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2020
    Angela123 and Thyagarajan like this.

Share This Page