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Financially Screwed....i Am Sure.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by WannabValerie, Oct 20, 2019.

  1. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    You're very welcome, @WannabValerie. I hope you didn't see my post as a justification rather than an explanation for your in-laws' behavior. If you did, my sincere apologies.

    The in-law perspective was offered in the hope it would alert you to their thought process.
    .
     
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  2. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    No :).I purely thought it was 'a peek into their mind' perspective Amica.
    Different posts different help. Some reassuring us, some rounding up edges. I came hear to see what different minds have had to say and I am not disappointed :). There is no need to apologize at all. Silly you :rolleyes:.

    Also, I think SinghManisha was savouring the same Cabernet that I was... so I suspect she was actually 'cheering' me up ( :cheer:and/or :beer-toast1:)... than 'defending'. Amirite!?
     
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  3. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    It will. With time comes acceptance. BTW, you are most probably right in that your husband or children or you will never directly benefit from those 4 paid off properties. Good thing is that the injustice will rankle more than the money itself. Yes, that is a good thing. : )
    Found thanks to Google? Or a friend recommended?

    Most welcome. It is one n vonly. : ) Rihana. From the letters of my cousin's daughter (Niharika). The first child of that generation of our family.

    Your turn.. Why you wannabe Valerie? Which Valerie you wannabe? : )

    FFTI (Feel free/forced to ignore) one or all of the nosy kewstins. :smile:

    Welcome to IL.
     
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  4. Agathinai

    Agathinai Silver IL'ite

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    What your husband did was a breach of trust. You are entitled to not only question him but pour out your anger and frustrations. You are married and especially after a decade of marriage the trust is a taken one during that time. A joint account means you should have been informed about the flats registration.

    I don’t get it as to why such guys take their wives for granted. Is it because the longer the marriage duration is - the lesser the chances of separation - as the likelihood of the wife who doesn’t want to shake the children familial relationship? He being a good father doesn’t take away the fact about what he had done. He is entirely responsible for what he did. Yes, the In laws are selfish and there is no doubt about that.

    You have to write it off - all those properties in your in laws name. Let’s say they die without a will - then your husband is entitled to half the house, provided your husband is willing to get it and not pass on the gift to his sister. But if they write a will and pass on the house to their daughter - it’s a gone as your husband will not challenge.

    All in all your husband deceived you and I wish you take on the financial reins from your husband and make decisions which holds investments in joint names hereafter. You earning less doesn’t mean you have no share of your husband’s earning. Your marriage gives entitlement to his earnings and decisions about investments.

    I don’t really get about why these guys get married? Sigh! Wouldn’t it be better that they keep their parents lifelong happy by investing all their hard earned money on their parents, siblings and their families - without marrying a girl.

    Good luck for you.
     
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  5. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    Type words 'inlaws' and 'handle' together in google :eek: .

    What kind of valerie ... hmm... may beee like

    Kamal Hassan onto the well kind?... no, he is a wobbly valerie
    Alanis Morissette?... no, she is a cynical valerie
    Rekha in Khoon Bhari Maang?... no! too red and vengeful valerie!

    May be like Hayley in Paramore- Hard times.... yup!!!, she hopes the only way from a rock bottom is up!... Bouyant Valerie!:number_one:
     
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2019
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  6. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Bronze IL'ite

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    Agathinai,

    I am exactly on the road you had point to... will hike/ mop/ run but getting there!
    Thank you for the post... means a lot:).
     
  7. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @Rihana - Does some sort of couples counseling help in these areas? How to let go and regain that feeling that the spouse has one’s back? Just asking....
     
  8. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    In one of the economics classes, when the professor was going on about GDP growth and all that, a student asked ''Sir, why do we need gdp to grow?''. There was a moment of discomforting silence and then the professor smiled a bit and continued.

    In this context- we don't ask why families should grow- it just keeps happening and success is seen as having one that is growing in numbers - head count as well as assets. And thus the individual's nuances are brushed aside to make it work - like the last session with a marriage counselor - you patiently express your side arguments and concerns, they hear you and still push you into what they think is to be done to save the relationship.

    While in the personal time ensure that the wife is assured (for now;) that she is my first priority and while visiting parents, touch their feet, taste mom's food and behave as if the wife doesn't matter at all - otherwise there would be added drama with ''Oh you have become a slave to your wife, I am worried whether you would be there for me near my deathbed'' (with a bit of sobbing) and the sister(if any) playing the cymbals to it.

    While also in whatsapp, to the friends group ''I hate my life. can't join the drive, stuck here with wife/parents''.

    Cherry on top would be (after all this) 'I hate dramas' point to silence an argument later with the wife.
     
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2019
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Fortunately, I wouldn't know. : ) Was between me and my folks. My spouse always had my back but never interfered until I asked for approval to start cutting the cord. Only time he ever said anything without me expressly soliciting input was once to say, "It kills me to see you hurt like this."

    Aiyoooo.. man of few words, but what a few words. : )

    Time (and philosophizing) heal everything.
     
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  10. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    @Amica Parts of your response below ( in bold) made it seem like you were justifying the in-laws behavior . My bad ! Though I am glad now that I misinterpreted it, only because it was surprising coming from you. I always look forward to your succinct and objective responses. “ Defending “ was probably a wrong choice of words, I wasn’t implying that you attacked her .

    @WannabValerie I wasn’t savoring the cabernet while typing the response ( rather doing a cabaret to keep my two little monkeys busy and entertained. Seems like I can’t multitask effectively)

    Just as you are looking out for the best interests of your children, his parents are looking out for their kids.

    They have a child with juvenile arthritis and are protecting him. They don't know what the future will bring. They, too, may have heard stories of wives seeking divorce once the kids are grown. And they may be preparing for the worst.

    They hope to prevent you from laying claim to his $$ if you do divorce him. Thatmay be why his assets are in his parents' names
    .





     
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