Financial assistance - Double standard.

@ diva....it comes with a price Diva.
Like quebec wrote...we are what we experience.
Watching a dad who lived a life of dignity...almost plead for his own money back at retirement...or just trying to save his roof for himself from his brother after retirement changes a person.

Unfortunately...a partner who had not experienced something like that does not understand it.My husband was lost with my sudden insecurities after the birth of my daughter...probably the hormones also at work.

I am almost relieved that he also experienced some of it later from his close ones...or else I would probably be the materialistic wife forever...now I am the wise ,responsible one.Thank God!..

 

It is good for children to take care of parents...problem arises when one child is turned into a substitute parent for other siblings....Children should be the responsibility of parent upto a certain age......not the responsibility of the oldest child.Similarly parents should be a responsibility of all children.

 

True...but these issues sometimes arise because children are brought up to believe that the elder brother is responsible for everything.....by the elders.

Rest is true...what can one do about those who don't want to do their bit.

 

I am aware of the different development phase my country (which is not a socialist country btw) compared with India. I was actually also taking past generations when taking those examples. It seems like some kind of cultural issue that you do not ask for money from your children/following generation. There was a system in place (before social security) where the aging parents were given an allowance/house (carved out from the farm) by the son who stayed on the farm. This was then noticed in the inheritance (the siblings got a smaller share of the inheritance).

I understand the setup where people moving overseas (or getting very high salaries in the home country) that it causes kind of wealthy gap inside the family. Normally the older generation is more wealthy than the young generation (that have just entered the workforce).

As said, for my parents it would have been shameful to receive money from their children.

I agree completely that it is the childrens responsibility to take care of aging parents. By sharing the costs (housing, maids etc for the parents) between the siblings. But how about siblings? Why would you need to support financially your brother/sister? Yes, if he/she is disabled/menthally ill or similar there is an obligation. But otherwise?

 

@CrayNess,think it is very similar to what I see in my own family.

My parents will not take care of me financially. And will not ask for any financial assistance from me. Same thing with my grandparents - even when my grandmom's medical bills skyrocketed, my grandfather took care. This when he had reached superannuation and was receiving only pension.

My grandfather's brother didn't even have a government job (so no pension on superannuation) and he and his wife didn't have kids. Yet, by the time he reached an age where he couldn't work (he was a school teacher) he and his wife had saved up quite a nest egg and managed very well on their own. And when they died, they had left sizeable gifts to their nieces, nephews and their kids. My grandfather didn't offer to help his brother financially (their lifestyle were not the same) because he knew his brother had self respect and such offers for financial assistance would humiliate him. My grandfather's brother and his wife put my grandfather through college and my grandfather was definitely obligated to them.

My grandfather's brother and sister-in-law knew that my grandfather loved them, and that he would definitely help (monetary or otherwise) them in case of emergencies. And they had saved very well for their future - they had no kids to take care of them,they knew that my grandfather and his kids (their nieces and nephews) would take care of them when required - but if some planning and saving could ensure that they could do things themselves, why not?

But I guess all families (Indians or not) are not the same.

One of my colleague's husband is expected to take care of his married elder brother and his wife and send money monthly. His parents have demanded this and the elder brother hasn't refused (to be helped ) . My colleague and her husband have good salaries and have spent time outside India, so they have good savings. The elder brother on the other hand works for a MNC Bank in India and has a fancy job title. In his own way, he is doing good and he definitely earns more than the average Indian, but nothing like my friend and her husband. Now the parents want both their sons to live comfortably (and equally) and keep pressurizing the younger son to help the elder brother. The current demand is to buy a house jointly with the elder brother (younger brother and his wife have two houses individually, elder brother only one house - jointly with his wife, she works as well).
My colleague is irritated - to help and support a sibling is one thing and to buy a house jointly (meaning fork up half the amount) is quite another. This when both brothers are married.

 

A relative of ours has two sons...one has gone to America.The mother of the sons is pressurizing the son in India to have a second child although they cannot afford a second one saying ...the son in America will educate and take care of both their children.Now how is this fair?

 

We know some twisted people @yellowmango