FIL wants us to settle in India..

Dear,
You have already lived in US for a few years and you like it there. It will be difficult to live in India because some one else forced it on you.

Either you are going to live in US, and get blamed by your FIL
or

you are going to live in India and blame your FIL everytime you feel like you have given up a life that you always wanted.

So one of you is going to be unhappy.

 

My ILs always seem dissatisfied no matter what we buy/do for them. But like you say, contentment and happiness has to come from within, once you know that your children/parents have done the best they could, for you.

 

Dear Workingstudent,

They need to understand that they are responsible for their own happiness. If they are bored here, why not explore ways of getting rid of the boredom? Just because they would get bored staying in US, they cannot make you scapegoats and expect you to sacrifice all you have dreamt of and worked for.

As your fiance is not taking up the matter with his prents, i would suggest you buy sometime for your marriage. Meanwhile both of you work towards getting a job and settling down in US. When you start this process, your future FIL will definitely bring up this topic for discussion. Then you and your fiance can make your stand clear to your FIL.

 

hi workingstudent

i would also say give urself some time before u commit for anything !
u r just starting ur life , give some time to ur career and in the mean time try to observe ur bf and his family.
the thing that ur bf is saying that he will see where life leads us and blah blah is all nonsense to me it seems like a guy who cant decide or does not have guts . u have clearly mentioned u want to be in us and in front of u he says he also likes the idea to be in us but in real he is scared to tell that to his family !!!
the situation wont improve in future , it will only get worse. both the options are difficult for u , if u stay in usa and somehow he also agrees , he need to be firm that he can stand against his family , he should not blame u for living in usa while his poor parents live alone in india !
secondly if u sacrifice ur dreams and come to india , im not sure u will be happy or not. it will always be at the back of ur mind that u gave up a golden opportunity . more over the comparisons between sil n u will get worse if u stay close to ur inlwas. as mostly for inlaws their dd is best and in this case its a well settled daughter .
if u once agree and start dancing to their tunes there will be no end to it. today its coming to india as they are bored with usa life tomorrow will it be that dil should stay at home as they r bored or cant take care of themselves. they r healthy individuals who r having double standards for daughter n dil. does their daughter dont have inlaws who need her ?
life is very different when u marry , the same person who was a loving bf gets caught in web of being a good son , caring brother and a loving husband and belive me i think 90 % indian guys are comfortable with a tag of good son at the sake of fights and tensions with their wifes but wont have guts to face their parents.
my only advice dont rush into anything. give time and the mean time look for job opportunities , think what u want from life and then take a decision .
goodluck!

 

This guy is a rare find. Look after him well in life. You are a nice person too. Good luck.