Feeling Helpless..please Help!

Zxcv · Apr 4, 2018

DDream said: ↑

OP,

You never had any good relationship or strong bond with your sibling. Now expecting the same back may not work. You tried your best to rebuild the relationship with your sister. But it is not working. So dont waste much time on it. Just treat her like hi/bye friend. There is no point in going after something that dont exist. Please accept the reality and move on with your life. It is better not to expect anything from anyone. In my own experience, having a neutral approach help us from many headaches like this.

Count your blessings. Your parents are close to you. You got a loving & caring husband. You are busy with a job you enjoy. So focus on your life. Try to be busy, active and happy with your own/married life. Try to build friendship with other people out there like other ladies suggested. If your sister is destined to be in your life, she will come to you. Wish her all the best in your mind and move on with your life. Try to maintain a formal & courteous relationship with her.

Worry about loving yourself/loved ones close to you, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you. Good luck
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Thank you very much! All these replies make me feel better and your advice means so much to me. I am def trying to make peace with the fact with reality. Neutrality is something that I am trying (very hard) to learn and apply in my daily life.

One thing I know I can never hate my sister or her family for that matter. Angry and hurt - yes. I just wish things were better.

As I read through other posts I understand the "count your blessings" part. I have started reading more books, volunteered for a few more projects at work and started exercising (based on all your advices). It already am able to find the difference. Thank you!!

Zxcv · Apr 4, 2018

Shreema86 said: ↑

Unfortunately we can't change who our family is. Currently as things stand Your sister is indifferent to you. You did your best, now let it go. Accept that the tight bond that usually remains between sisters is not in your destiny. I don't have a sister but I have friends who I am very close to , and they are dearer to me as if they are my own sisters . I have never missed having a sister that way. So my wish for you is to develop close friendships . When I am moved abroad I dint have any close friends nearby for the first few years , but through work,through friends of friends, other activities I made very good friends. Recently a close friend moved to town ,so friends keep adding up.. the tide can change anytime, keep faith and look at the glass half full!
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Hi Shreema,

Am so glad to know you have such amazing friends in your life! There is nothing like it at all. Have been there and now like you said waiting for the tide to change J

kalpas · Apr 9, 2018

GeetaKashyap said: ↑

That's life! We have siblings by chance and the sibling rivalry is an accepted truth! Parents invariably encourage or prioritize one kid over the other, thereby sowing the seeds of sibling rivalry. I too go through your emotions often.

In most relationships, jealousy and constant comparisons affect us very badly. We can ignore when outsiders do it and it is very painful when one's own siblings do it or when parents fan such feelings. We have to accept at the earliest that after marriage, our circle of influence changes and we have to focus first on our innermost circle which includes the spouse and kids. Parents and siblings come only after this innermost circle. So stop looking for your sibling's approval, focus more on enriching your family bond and develop more fruitful relationships outside, if possible.

Social media seems to trigger these comparison trips so often. We forget that much of what is flaunted in the media is choreographed, feigned and what not. Instead of asking 'why me', start asking 'why not me?', it will help you to realise your tougher inner self; you are much stronger than you realise. Focus on realising your potential and maximising what life has offered you. Finally, everything happens according to one's Karma; you would be more at peace if you accept Karma and go with the flow.
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Extremely thoughtful and practical reply. We are born with people so that we learn the lessons of our life. In many families two sisters or two brothers are totally different in nature. Some parents without their knowledge or due to some reasons of insecurity favor one kid over the other. Sibling rivalry starts right there. Also totally opposite nature includes that one may be more talented than the other, one may be more beautiful the other etc. This invariably make one sibling jealous of the other.

In your case, added to other factors you were quiet independent from young and seems like too focused on yourself more. That is fine. That is how GOD has designed. This would have aggravated the situation. You have tried your best in relating with your sister. If it has not worked out, just leave it. Have good intentions for her.

As others have mentioned your husband is the greatest blessing. Focus on this relationship. Many men take advantage of this gap ( i meant gap between you and your sister and you and your parents ) and make you feel bad and put you down. In your case your husband has been extremely supportive and understanding. That is GOD's greatest gift for you. Not many in this group are fortunate enough. Treasure and Nurture that relationship.

Focus on your job and your family. Treat your sister as a person who came to teach you some lessons in LIFE. At the end of the day , from each relationship we learn , mature and grow.

So be grateful and enjoy your journey of LIFE. Be there for your sister always. Dont expect that she should be there for you. Find happiness and peace in being the person GOD has created you as.

Good Luck

parvathi1980 · Jul 11, 2018

Let her go. Your parents will not understand you.p My parents can go on for weeks without talking to me. They communicate with relatives they don't get on well with but not with me. My sister does the same. If I say something they gang up and point fingers at me. I also feel a strange emptiness in my life but nothing can be done. Sometimes we have to accept things and people the way they are.