Feeling Depressed And Lost.

mypriya · Oct 17, 2016

Hi All Ladies,

I'm 26 yrs old. I married the love of my life after 2 years of struggle. My parents dint accept him initially, but after 2 yrs of convincing them, they accepted him. I thot life would be smooth after that, but not.. My mother in law is good, caring.. but too much possessive. She hardly allows us to go out alone. Its not that she wont say no, wen v say v r gng out. But wen we come back, she still be sitting upset with griff face. It will take a day or 2 to come back to normal.

She never allows me to cook, she feels it has her kingdom. In inital days of marriage, she allowed me to cook, both my husband and father in law liked my cooking, and appreciated me. After that, weneva i show interest to cook, she wont allow me. She will either create confusion @ home or she will simply say, u r working, u take rest i'll cook. I feel still she dint accept me to the family.

I had a miscarriage 6 months back. I was 8 weeks pregnant. When i first told her that i was pregnant, i couldn't see any happiness in her face. She made me to do all household works, telling only if i do, i'll get normal delivery.. but by straining so much i had miscarriage. She even cooked foods with seasame seeds when i was pregnant. That time my husband asked her, she just said it gives calcium to body, and small amount wont affect. I'm not sure, whether i had miscarriage because of that.When v r trying to get pregant again, every month she creates some problem or forces me to eat pappaya. please tell em how to handle this. :'(

shwetapj · Oct 17, 2016

I think she is jealous of you. You will need to speak with your husband and tell whatever has happened. If you communicate this with your husband then he will be in a better position to support you. If you are trying to conceive again, even if she forces you to eat papaya or heat inducing agents, straightaway say no. A no means a no. She cannot force anything down your throat. Also there is no need to share that you are trying to conceive and all do not give much importance to her or else you will loose your self respect and she will sit on your head and torture you

curiousgals78 · Oct 18, 2016

Be very cautious. Heat inducing foods like pineapple , kakarakaya(bitter melon) my mil would make this curry and keep telling me to eat. it has an immediate effect and you bleeding will start. dont let her know that you are trying. please keep your husband in confidence. dont tell him his mom is a monster but these foods are causing miscarriage and have the doctor say that to him

Moluty · Oct 18, 2016

Some tips
1)try to please her -buying some clothes ,take her for going out ,if possible only
2)or try to move house
Think about our lifes.Its our responsibility to drive our life safe and wisely.Be happy .There is nothing is impossible.
"If there is enemy try to overcome them with your goodness "old saying.It is best way

gok · Oct 18, 2016

i have seen MILs who wont give the kitchen and finance control to DILs in a joint family, because they would feel they loose their importance and moving away from son's life. But i wonder why would she dont want her own grandchild. In general, Grand parents are more excited to see their grandchildren than the parents. First try to understand what makes her do so. is she having some grudge against you or does she want to make you feel low or is she feeling that she is no longer considered important. If you can't find it out, play the cards in the same way she does. Just tell her that you and your hubby have decided not to have a baby for next 2 years. This will either make her not interfere and you can still try to plan for the baby or you can see that she may push you to have the baby sooner.

sbonigala · Oct 19, 2016

Looks like we are sharing the same MIL !
I handled this for 12 years and finally decided to stand up for my self.
I was left with no choice.

saps105 · Oct 19, 2016

sorry to hear about your miscarriage. next time avoid eating pineapple, papaya, sesame seed, etc. Do not eat even if she forces. About making you do all the work at home, hire a maid when you get pregnant. do not strain yourself and take enough rest. Hope you conceive soon.

Is your DH an only son? The jealousy part could be because of that. Even my MIL prefers to cook herself as just like yours she doesn't like anybody to like my cooking. makes me do all the cutting and cleaning the vessel etc. I let it be. you too ignore it.

chandmaha · Oct 19, 2016

hi Priya ,

Sad to hear that the near people are like this . Before telling your husband , be cautious , as your MIL is not doing all these in front of your husband . Also u make her believe that presently your not planning for kids, but continue and make trails to concieve. Instead of telling "no" to Papaya , avoid that tactically .
Also take her out when you and your husband are going out , Let she feel that she is not left alone ...
Some times doing such activities are bad , but to protect ourselfs we need to pretend. and Dont directly tell anything to your husband , it should be indirect speech or pratically seen by him, so that he can believe.

All the Best . Take care , Be brave

mypriya · Oct 19, 2016

shwetapj said: ↑

I think she is jealous of you. You will need to speak with your husband and tell whatever has happened. If you communicate this with your husband then he will be in a better position to support you. If you are trying to conceive again, even if she forces you to eat papaya or heat inducing agents, straightaway say no. A no means a no. She cannot force anything down your throat. Also there is no need to share that you are trying to conceive and all do not give much importance to her or else you will loose your self respect and she will sit on your head and torture you
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mypriya · Oct 19, 2016

Hi All, Thanks for the suggestions. I keep telling all these to my husband, he tells say No if u dont want. Hez supporting me well. He tells, if you want to fight with my mom, start the fyt i'll support u.

For papaya i can say no. But wat if she includes sesame seeds in food? n also she prepares raghi often. Is raghi heat inducing agent? And also She keeps asking me whether we are trying for baby. I feel its more personal n it should be within me n my husband. I dont like discussig this with her. How should i handle such situtation?

Myself and my husband go out alone very hardly... We always take my inlaws with us. This sometimes make me feel , no privacy.. but still i'm ready to take them..