Fear of Intimacy Preventing Marriage

zipzipzoomzoom · Jan 31, 2012

Hello Ladies,

It's been a while since I participated on these boards.

I'm not sure if I'm looking for an answer to a question, or whether I am looking for affirmation for something I already know

After participating in this forum nearly a year ago, and taking things to heart, I realized one of the things that is preventing me to seek out others for relationship.

Fear of Intimacy.

Sure, hormones are raging, we all have desires, we have intense crushes on someone we see from afar, but it seems there is a subconscious fear to get close to another human being.

To open yourself to someone else 100% because you fear rejection, disgust from the other person.

I really thought of what I want, and I'd like to be in a happy marriage where I give someone 100% pleasure and happiness without holding back.

And not care what other people think about this person, i.e. why did you marry him, you could have done better, etc, etc.

And of course, we have to look at the world in a positive light by changing ourselves first. So many times I have caught myself getting angry and upset. So angry and upset that I would feel my body shake and tremble.

Now, I'm training myself, or programming myself to visualize what I want, how I want to feel, and that healing takes time and patience.

Just thought I'd post here, because it is this forum that helped me get on track, and I look forward to more positive things to share.

abinayav · Feb 12, 2012

Dear zipzipzoomzoom,

Bringing a positive energy within ourselves is very important for a better outlook on life. In most cases, it is our thought forms which create all the incidents in our life and it is more important to make those thought forms positive and energetic. I appreciate your decision for programming your mind with positive things and with what you want. I can assure you that the universe is gonna manifest those visualizations at the earliest in your life. Why fear of intimacy.. Give unconditional love to all human being without expectations! Expectations will only hurt you.. You can show love without that and you will enjoy your life.. Improve your instincts thru meditation and yoga and you will not have this fear..

ivlakshmi · Feb 12, 2012

Hi ,
I have the same fear after my divorce ..i donno how to over come it.

tanoshii · Feb 13, 2012

zipzipzoomzoom,
You'd have heard this a lot of times, but its the one thing that is always true - No one is perfect and as humans all of us are capable of mistakes and fears. But its how you work around them that matters. And from what you mentioned, you seem to be on the right track on your part already. Making changes to one's self is where we all could start. As for the others, the most we can do is do our part and develop the courage to face what the world may or may not throw at us.
Fear of intimacy and fear of rejection exists in everyone at some time or the other. But shielding ourself from all of it won't help. Every experience teaches us something. Letting go of the walls is the best way to start. We cannot really wish for no problems in life dear. You can only pray to have the courage and patience to deal with what ever comes your way.

Like abinayav said, and as I believe, Expectations only bring disappointments. Do your part and hope for the best dear.

tanoshii · Feb 13, 2012

ivlakshmi,
I guess one bad experience is good enough for any of us to re-erect that wall. But time makes things better dear. Your past life would have been an ordeal for so many reasons. Everything around us has an influence on our life's success or failure. The people, the situations and our own selves. You know from one experience as to what you can change in yourself. Can't do much about the rest except hope for the best.

Our past can haunt us and prevent us from going further ahead. But we do have a choice to learn from it and make sure we don't repeat what did not work out. That is good enough to give us that nudge to start looking ahead. Though it might be painful, leaving it behind is the only way you can keep from drowning in it dear. For that you will have to look forward and let the past be left behind. Take your time, but you will get there soon.
When the right situation poses itself in the future you'll know it from miles away.

Wish you the best.

Find some distractions to keep yourself from thinking about the past dear. As difficult as the past can be, unless you look away, you won't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

zipzipzoomzoom · Feb 21, 2012

Hello Everyone,

Right now, within the past month, I am starting to see some positive changes.

Slowly but surely, it's happening.

For instance, I'm beginning to say hello to people, and I notice people approach me and say hello. And I recently joined a class, and one of the people was so open and receptive to me, offering to help with certain things.

I take it a day at a time, and when I feel tensed, I meditate upon God.

I want to give you all big {{{HUGS}}}