Fairy tale love/marriage..does it even exist???

No..Movies are what they are - Movies. Have you seen alaipayuthey? THATS more of an actual rendition. The fact that we get caught up in routine chores and stop seeing the other half the same way when we were in our early twenties.
Mine was a love marriage and when I think of my husband before marriage, now, it seems like a totally different birth. But the fact is that I have changed too. So life moves on. There are occasional sparks of the romance here and there. But the truth and the answer to your question is - the cuddly /mushy kind of romance is there only till marriage,after which the whole enthu dies down.

 

If I tell you that Im married for 10+years and feel the same filmy romance ....will you believe it? I guess no.....because before marriage you do not get to see a person very often like in daily life and hence feel the need to be with that person. I think in this generation such 'scarcity' will not arise , thanks to technology, you get to talk to a person everyday, video chat, whatsapp etc...

Also girls get carried away seeing filmy romance and expect a bollywood hero in their life who rarely exist.

 

Firstly Good and honest question.

I had a very lengthy love marriage. DH and I are classmates in our graduation and parents came to know at that time and didn't approve it as we are from different castes. SO we kept quiet and finished post graduation with very minimal meetings (Once in every six months he would visit me secretly) and very lengthy frequent phone calls. Once we finished studies and started job search we had to get married secretly out of urgency as my parents were about to fix a match for me and I could not stop them at all. Most daring step for what I am personality wise but DH was too cute to miss However we are well settled now and 10 years into marriage and 2 kids. Now coming to the point NO, that same romance never stays after marriage. I think there is still romance but the expression is totally different after marriage and even different after kids. We both value family time more than anything now. Having said that DH was not too romantic before marriage either, he is practical always and that practicality has almost over taken our romance after marriage. I would have loved him to be romantic any day but he says we have to grow with age. He is a great husband and great dad but don't even pass in romance department if you ask me. And that's one thing that I miss in our marriage.

 

From threads like this, women get a wonderful access to the information about how others' husbands are in this romance department ! Nice !

They keep reading countless number of versions from women, saying, "Look, don't worry ! my DH is also like that ! He does not give me romantic gifts, he does not say, 'miss you' often ! "

In spite of that, why can't many women learn the simple fact of life, that the romance's intensity is time limited and can not be sustained for life ?

In my personal life, I have come across, many wives (of my friends) constantly nagging the husbands, frequently saying, 'they miss romance so much' etc.

The most amazing irony to me in such situation is, these most successful men are being seen as 'failures' (in romance dept) at their home !

 

There you go... the male perspective Nonetheless, I think OP's original question was whether such love stories exist and what happens after marriage, so Just mentioned mine as an example.

 

It does exist, the expression may vary. You wouldn't have to chat for hours over the phone if you're married and living in the same home, but you can definitely spend quality time together in other ways. Instead of dating, you can plan a vacation together. Nothing prevents a married couple from holding hands and walking. Further instead of the two holding hands together and walking, they can together hold your children's hands and walk. How couples conduct themselves post-marriage, whether they lay more stress on the materialistic aspects that have come to be associated with romantic love and the depth of their understanding shapes their perceptions. You grow older, you mature, and so does your love.

 

First my disclaimer- I haven't seen any of these movies. But, I have seen enough romance movies (bolly/hollywood) so I know what you are talking about.

I have been married for 5 years and we've known each-other for 7. We dated for a year before getting married. I can say that I love him more today than 7 years ago and my DH said the same (we actually talked about it on our anniversary). Love evolves, just like everything else. The kind of love one feels in the beginning of relationship might be different from the security of companionship later in the life. We always kissed and said 'love you' before departing and it is still the same (it is so cute when my 18 mo immitates and says bye, yuv (love) you). We hold hands, kiss often, talk, laugh, snuggle and cuddle BUT we don't chat/ talk on phone for long time when we're away. We never did. When I was in India for 3 weeks, we might have called each-other 4-5 times and that is how we have always been. I guess we've never been a lovey-dovey couple. We started dating when he was in graduate school and we didn't spend whole lot of time together but the time we spent together was always full of laughter (quality vs quantity). Our friendship, I think, provided us a strong foundation to build love and marriage.
I don't know what it means when someone says- "he is so practical". I think we both are very practical. I actually find little "practical" things quite romantic such as when my son is sick and I am up most of the night taking care of him, my DH would take him to the park in morning so I can sleep in (he won't go to daddy at night when he's sick). I like to have chamomile tea before bed and he makes it every night without me asking for it. He is not big at buying expensive presents but he never forgets to buy me little something when he visits somewhere or on any occassion- birthday/ anniversary / mothet's day etc (including Diwali).
I think we are unconventional romantic couple. I'd say love metamorphose and just like a butterfly, it takes a beautiful shape that is quite different from its previous version. Or romance turns into love.

In my opinion, friendship and respect are crucial elements of grown-up love, that someone ( I don't remeber who, it was on Oprah's show) called "enlightened love".