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Facetime Skype, Weekend Video Calls With In-laws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Vedhavalli, Sep 16, 2019.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    My in-laws literally torture me with weekend FaceTime or Skype calls, or Whatsapp video calls. I live overseas. Time difference is 12 hrs to India.
    The calls go for hours. I totally understand they want to talk to their son and grandchild. But not early morning 5.30 am to 11am on Saturday Sunday morning. Which spoils my mood and entire week.

    She would ask me if I made chai at 6 am when her son didn't brush, I try to say hi bye I'm fine etc. I never indulge in family talks. Because of her behavior and toxic nature. I had enough, out of respect I say hi how is health etc.
    She never asks me how am I how bad is winter , in my recent hiking trip I got heavy sprain I told I'm not well. She says oh nothing you complain much. See my daughter , does all work. ( Her daughter lives with her never helps mil) but mil potrays as if SIL does all work. Being DIL I never care.
    Taunts me for every occasion. Dh says avoid them. But I can't avoid them completely because of Skype calls.
    I say I'm doing breakfast lunch she has her say.
    I want to shorten the calls to 20-30 min not for hours.
    Mil is narcissistic and toxic by nature
     
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  2. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    How do you manage if you have something else planned? Can you not say that you have a class or game to attend and cut the call short? Since MIL doesn’t live with you, it’s not like she knows your exact schedule. Give her a time and block out the rest for your family activities. Are you having trouble ending calls? Is that where the problem lies?
     
    shravs3, Anusha2917 and SinghManisha like this.
  3. Positivity02

    Positivity02 Silver IL'ite

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    I think it's best your husband tell them not to call so early on weekends.
    Make them aware that you guys can't wake up just to talk to them and ignore them when they call. Your husband can call them later like 8 am and talk to them before their bed time as it won't be too late even for them.
    When they talk you can excuse yourself with breakfast duty etc
     
    shravs3 and Anusha2917 like this.
  4. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    If I have guests on weekends, that's it . The call starts at Friday night.
    I keep telling my child has her activities. Though we prefer family time on weekends. When my kid doesn't talk to her, mil fil wants just to observe it's so creepy my child isn't a baby. If we have some planned event or outing she would call at least voice call.
    I tried telling them politely, firmly. Apparently she wants to spoil my weekend. Simple
     
  5. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    oneday he said it's breakfast time, I will call after eating. Mil starts crying immediately we want to see you, we have to spend time with you. (As if he is a toddler) you eat we will just watch. This happens almost every weekend. Today I had enough. I said I got to make lunch. I went away. If my child watch TV mil would again cry. Till today she didn't do a single thing for my child. How can I force her to talk to the meanest people on Earth?
    I told my DH if u want to talk to 24 hrs . Don't include us.
     
  6. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    This is all about setting boundaries. You don’t even get personal space in your own home - that’s demoralizing. I think this has to begin with a serious conversation with your husband to create an united front regarding the phone/Skype call. He has to understand how disruptive it is to your schedule. If he is unable to see the problem, I can’t imagine any way of reaching your MIL.

    If you can get your husband on board, limit the time frame, by scheduling things that would interrupt the current schedule. This might help reduce the time you get stuck in the phone calls. If not, you could invite friends over, which would initially be disruptive for you, but would again disrupt the schedule.

    I think, if you can’t get your husband on board, you have to disrupt your own comforts for some weeks. Plan outings or activities that would keep you out of the house, like yoga class in the mornings, brunch with friends, children’s classes, etc.

    You have to place boundaries because this system cannot continue. You don’t have to continue to be polite and agreeable, sometimes it’s just important make a clear stance that this type of communication will no longer be acceptable. The way I see it, this does not make a healthy environment for your kid- with a resentful uncommunicative mom and a grandparent that insists of getting attention, during the weekends. One day, your one child may mirror your actions- on you. There is nothing wrong with taking a stand to keep your sanity and raise your child to understand what is healthy communication. As a parent, you know what is best for your kid.

    Stay strong and be bold regarding your boundaries. Good luck
     
  7. Afresh

    Afresh Gold IL'ite

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    Start returning calls based on your free time ; that means don't pick up calls when it's problematic for you
    when returning calls, preferably when all are asleep in India, just give two - three rings and then msg saying , i didin't realise it was rest time for you, sorry will call back at a more opportune time ;)
     
  8. Afresh

    Afresh Gold IL'ite

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    Follow this through, do not include yourselves!
     
  9. RiaME

    RiaME New IL'ite

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    Oh Please....Be happy, you are not staying with them. Why complain about such silly things.

    You dont have to be present in front of them during the video call. Let your husband and kids talk to them. You can just say a customary HELLO and move. Also as others said ask your husband to tell them to call at a different time and not so early.

    Just imagine how would you be/feel if you were staying with inlaws like ME.

    Atleast am happy that I dont stay in the same floor as them. Have a separate living room, 2 bedrooms and attached baths in first floor where we stay. Am usually in front of them 3 to 4 hours in a day. Rest of the time...on my own.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2019
  10. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    Everyone faces challenges of their own. One staying with in laws, one staying away and attending to long conversations with them. It's no comparison here that I stay with in-laws and you don't stay so be happy kinds. It's not a relative thing here.

    BTW you staying with in laws in a separate floor with a living and 2 bedrooms and spending 3 hrs with them gives no solution to OP's problem.
     
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