Extramarital Affair Of Dad

I am so sorry about what you and your family is going through. Especially your mother, it must be hell.None of us can imagine what she is going through and she alone has to decide what she wants to do. I don't have much advice, except that, you, your brother and his wife have to be your mother's backbone in this time of crisis. Give her courage that no matter what she decides, you all will stand by her. Perhaps you can suggest a family intervention and talk to your dad and/or marriage counselling for both of them. May God give you strength.

 

What does your mother want?
If there is no hope of him stopping this affair...your mom should take the offer of half of his retirement fund and half the property ,if any.
Not much you can do if he continues.
Better your mom does not have to be around him .
Work out a good deal in writing from him for your mom.
You all stand by her.

 

looks like this option is better for your mom and she doesn't need to live with him. It may give her some relief instead of living with him in the same house.

But is it really possible? when the retirement time comes will he do that? is he using that to threaten your mom/you guys so that you all can stop confronting and talking about this with him. Will he really give that much money and allow your mom to live by herself and never disturb her?

Even if happens, over the time, your dad's all cooking, taking of care of his house, his needs, who is going to take care? that woman is not going to do, as she has her own H and daughters. So your dad may become burden to that woman, he may again come back to your mom. From the time your mom and dad don't live together everybody/society will come to know about all this extra marital affair. Think in all angles and ask what your mom wants.

At the end sufferers would be your mom and dad to some extent.

 

@arch1984- I am sorry for your families situation.I can understand how much pain your mother will be in to move away from your father. But she should do it, if she wants your father back in long term.For my suggestions to work you and your brother should support your mother and your mother should be strong to do this--

This is my suggestion--
Most Indian men who have lived in a certain family set up will find it very hard to accept change or adapt. Your father wants everyone to accept his mistress and get the comfort of family. The service your mother is giving him food, clothes and the family comfort is what most of the men like. My suggestion is take the family part away. Although your father is asking your mother go away- he doesn't really mean it. It is very hard for older men to live without family. I am 100 % sure your father will come back to your mother.

1.Your mother should get a lawyer and make everything clear on the paper that the half property and pension belongs to her and move away from your father.
2. You, your mother and brother- dont keep in touch with your father.
3. Support your mother in this period.
4. You have to involve a lawyer in property matter especially when there is a mistress. Lawyers will not reveal to anyone about the family secrets. I am saying this coz you don't know what the mistress will claim in case of a death.
5.Just to clarify- the mistress husband knows about the affair? and doesn't want to do anything about it?
6. If the mistress husband knows and doesn't want to do anything about the affair--- The mistress husband might be involved in this whole thing to get money from your father... I highly suggest you to go to police and complaint about the woman and her husband are scamming your family. Or hire a private detective to find out who these people are and what is really going on with your father and the woman.
(Maybe this couple might be blackmailing your father and your father may not be in the position to tell you & your family.)


Goodluck

 

I don't understand this extra marital affair.I had an opportunity to confront a guy who hit on me once (he was married).Asked him why he is doing this and he said"I love my wife but sex is different from love" ...BS.

For 5 minutes of pleasure so many heartaches,family break ups yet people resort to this..sorry for the vent.

Now,I really do not know how to console OP.I feel sad for the trauma she ,esp her mom and family members are going through.If you sincerely ask me,take the money and let the dad leave.

You seem to be a closely knit family.take care of your mom.she has lived a life where she was lied.Be there for her and take care of her.

As for your dad,let him go but am sure he will come back as sooner or later,he will get satiated and miss his family BUT do not take any apology.let him go.That's what is the biggest giveback.

Take care dear

 

Your father is the culprit here.She can't trap him if he doesn't want to be trapped.

 

Its really hurtful for that sorryfor date of yours . I would think it's better your mom accepts the offer and stays separately, it's known that this is really pretty state of affairs but atleast by this way ur mom can live peacefully for her rest life along with you people.

 

It's really most hurtful and sorry state of affairs. The buyer solution now would be for your mom to accept this offer, if your dad had any weaknesses try to blackmail him using that else this is the solution, actually it's really tough to accept and make your mom stay alone through life but atleast she can be peaceful & clean soul that she has avoided to stay with not a worthy companion for rest part of her life