enough is enough

apsbask · Jan 31, 2012

I have come here for more advice. I had previously written about my marriage here and got a lot of support

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/92142-married-life-is-roller-coaster.html

Things are much much better now. I have an adorable daughter now. Things changed drastically after I conceived her. DH took care of me very well throughout my pregnancy and after my daughter was born there has been some major changes in my life but some important things haven't changed at all. These problems still nag me.

DH doesn't respect me or my wishes. Only if he feels that something is worth the time and effort, he will let me do it or buy it.
He has a very subtle way of putting me down. He does it so excellently that I never realise it till I have walked away from the situation. After that, it is just too late to go back and put things to right.
Doesn't appreciate me at all. No compliments, No secret smiles...nothing. He acts old. he hasn't even reached 35 and he already refers to anyone below his age as "children" and makes me feel positively old.
Mainly my MIL hasn't changed one bit. She is still the same old poisonous lady who can never be happy and makes sure that no one around is happy.Sometimes I feel sorry for her because i simply cannot imagine being so negative all the time.

Now, after four years of marriage, and listening to her heaping complaints upon complaints on my family members and me, I came to a conclusion. I realized that i have the choice of either feeling bad for what all she says about my family and me, or simply ignoring her completely. Once every few months, she used to say that my parents said something hurtful and she would hint that she will talk to them only if they apologize. My dad would come and apologize and things would be ok but I was never ever ok with this. So a few days back I called up dad and said that enough is enough. Since situations can never become as bad as it was before, it is hi-time that we started fighting back. I told him not to apologize for anything from now onwards. I realized that money, job, husband's support cannot change the situation as much as I can. I decided to stop caring about what she says. I don't try to explain things because I know that she has decided to be miserable all the time and nothing is going to make her happy. I will do my duty and not worry about anything else.

I have stopped complaining to Dh because he is also as helpless as I am. Whenever I want a compliment, or sympathy I go to my family. I have also decided to think this way" if he doesn't doesn't do something my way, it doesn't mean that I don't deserve it. He just doesn't have the maturity to see that I am right." It is his fault you see

I don't know if I am doing the right thing or not, but it sure has improved my confidence and has reduced so much of my worry. I thought I would share this because I got courage to think like this due to a relative of mine. She knew about my situation a little and during a function recently, she took me aside and asked me" So ? when are you going to start living your life? You are living a life that your husband and MIL have created for you. You are following all the rules but is it making them happy? Do you think that they will ever stop criticizing? You MIL is secure knowing that she has the power to hurt your feelings and make you listen to her. You husband is happy that he can make you listen to him and that way he can control you. Shake that belief a little. Let them know that you also can be unpredictable and nothing they say is going to affect you . Do this and just see how their confidence starts crumbling."

So i thought that I should share it with you. The results are frustratingly slow but it is better that no improvement at all right?

rekbal · Jan 31, 2012

Hi Friend,

I am glad and good to hear that you are able to change yourself from listening to others and trying to be yourself... It is good that you always be yourself... The problems you are facing with DH is same as most of us here are facing... This will be becas of their character or misunderstanding abt us or insecure that we might be higher than them... And that is why they wont care what we want... So do whatever you feel like doing, buy whatever you feel like buying, eat whatever you feel like eating... But when you spend think twice and make sure what ever you are buying is worth of use and useful to you or you family becas in future you DH should not point out at you showing things which are not used or thrown out without use....

All the best and have happy life ahead...

maya69 · Jan 31, 2012

I totally agree with you. We women try so hard to be perfect wife or dil by bowing to husbands and inlaws wishes. But at the end of the day its never enough and we are still not happy. We put ourselves down too much. Like you said it is better to say enough is enough and do things as per your wish, ignore when you can, and give back when its appropriate.

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enough is enough

apsbask Junior IL'ite

Is This Enough?

Enough Of Getting Cheated

I Wish You Enough

rekbal Silver IL'ite

maya69 Gold IL'ite

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