Emotional Needs Frustration – A Nasty Example Towards the end of discussing last Wednesday’s subject, some ILites expressed doubt about what would happen if the emotional needs are frustrated in a marriage. When we are assured of your daily bread, however hard we may try, we can never understand the situation of persons who are forced to starve. It has been estimated that on an average we, I mean those living in good countries with a decent standard of living, consume about 100 litres of water per person per day. There are some villages in interior <st1lace>Africa</st1lace> where people have to do with less than 5 litres per person per week. May be we can sympathise with them; but it is very difficult to understand their way of life. Same is the case with those whose marriages have completely neglected their basic emotional needs. This week I am forced to give a nasty example of that genre. I know many couples for whom marriage is virtually nothing. One of my clients told me that he stays away from his wife for the whole of the week and would go home only during the week-end. “This way, I preserve the relationship. Otherwise I am afraid we may fight and lose each other once and for all.” ‘Whatever relationship remains between you and your wife is not worth preserving.’ I wanted to holler these words but since he was my client and since I did not want to lose money for exhibiting my wisdom I just gave the blandest smile possible. These people do not know one thing. A frustrated emotional need is buried deep down the consciousness. It is like an earthquake waiting to happen and a vulcano raring to erupt. And when it erupts…….. That is what happened in the case of Shiva. (not the real name). Shiva was the son of a rich merchant and had made his millions quite early in his life, apart from the several millions made by his father. Shiva and his five brothers were engaged in the family business silently minting money. He married Raji when he was quite young. They had a grand wedding. The marriage that followed the wedding was pretty decent. They had a boy and a girl. It was in all possible ways a picture-perfect family. Ten years after the marriage Shiva and Raji stopped relating to each other. Not that they fought with each other; but the relationship slowly withered away like that between friends who do not have contact. Shiva would get up early have some breakfast and go to the family shop. There he will stay till late in the night. He never ate food at home after that. Raji also had a care-free life. She would wait for Shiva to go to the shop. Then she would go around the city meeting friends, signing for new classes, shopping…. She would return home in the afternoon when the children would have come from school. After giving them food she would go for another round of outing and would finally come home around <st1:time minute="0" hour="19">7 pm</st1:time> to settle down in front of the TV.