Dowry Business

Kamlaji,

Your post indeed is an eye opener. I recently met a Telugu girl and in South ; Telugu community dominates the Dowry system in South India. Ladies don't take it any offense. I used to hear from friends, for an Engineer B.Tech 25 L, US returned 50L, Doc 1 Cr, US Doc 1.5 Cr. Wonder whether each and every girl's house parents has a note printing machine.

Sad part the girls are educated earning good income. But why this? For that answer from my friend is 'its been custom in our society'. Funny part ,if boy doesn't take dowry then girl's parents and other relatives think there is some problem in boy like 'Impotent, etc.,'.

In one side we think making girl educated and independent will end this problem. In Other side, girl's parents think it is prestige in society, if not taken Dowry then some problem boy has.

Where should the boy and his parents go? Neither here nor there. Ultimately they are the ones behind bars.

 

Dear kamalji
We malayaliees are the worst when it comes to dowry, sp. the mallu xtians, me included. My in-laws r great folks, they treat me like a princess to honor their son. But then I have to mention something, when they came in for the match-fixing ceremony(ours was a love marriage, but then (formalities always remain formalities),for absolute clarity my dad insisted on the demands aspect!........my FIL said "no demands, give whatever you wish"?......then casually he commented " I gave my DD this much!!!.....now wasn't that a message? Picking up the Q's my father went thru a last minute marathon to try and exceed this amt....crazy, yet true. Even today I taunt my dh and my dad on this, they both seem to brush it aside with a smile. My dad says"why do you keep throwing words, your DH folks have not touched even a penny from that, its all in your name!"Could I forget those last minute races my father went thru to raise up funds to dispose of his daughter on whom he had already spent a fortune educating?

I didn't know this dowry syst. plagued the Sindhis to such an extend until a few yrs back I found most business family Sindhi boys who attend high- paying schools had their sis in schools of lesser fees. Out of curiosity I asked one of my sindhi friends....she says "anyways we have to give tons of money as bonds, cash, gold,property etc.etc. so whatever we save on the fees can be added up to the dowry and fetch them a groom who has received an even more affluent education."......I could smell business in her blood!
Mega

 

people are afraid of accepting another culture , hence they like giving dowry and also right fully feel to take dowry.
why are educated girls also agreeing to this ?????

 

Dear Kamalji,

What an important topic you have raised in this post. I agree with you that parents are equally responsible for letting daughters suffer in the hands of inlaws, especially if they give directions such as she should stay only with her husband's family no matter what happens in that house and if she leaves that house, she should leave only as a dead body. The parents should consider such talk with a daughter shameful. The parents are also at fault if they try to marry their daughter quickly without her feeling comfortable about the family that she is getting married to. They always use the word "adjust" to the daughter very often. This word "adjust" might range from "not to sweat on small stuff to suffer verbal to physical abuse" in the hands of inlaws. The parents of daughters should have confidence that their daughter will never do anything wrong in inlaw's house, unless they have set an example for their daughter to behave badly. If parents raised daughters with values and principles, why should they desert them post marriage? The parents have a duty to raise the daughters with courage and faith in their own values. The daughters will learn to show unconditional love to the family that they are married to and at the same time stand for righteousness if she is ill treated in that family.

Now, coming to the son's family, the son's are not Arabian Stallions to be sold to the highest bidder. The parents should make a commitment to shower their unconditional love to son even after his marriage rather than competing for love with his wife. They need to understand that the only way son will be comfortable is when the parents treat him as well as his wife the same way. By treating his wife badly, they are creating a conflict in his mind. On the contrary, if the husband sides with parents and treats his wife badly, it only proves that he has not been raised with any values in life and it reflects badly about his parents.

I am not against arranged marriages but it automatically creates this situation. One way to resolve this issue is both families agreeing how much they want to spend in their son's/daughter's marriage and share it equally. Also, make the son's and daughter's to live separately upon their marriage to make them understand their responsibilities as a family. If both parents shower love to their sons/daughters in law and daughters/sons in law the same way, they will also reciprocate their love to both of them. If they get older and need care, the children will not hesitate to take care of them. Both parents need to understand that neither of them have any business to talk about other family or their children's upbringing. Sons and daughters should have equal amount of responsibilities to take care of their parents. Right now, if someone has only one child i.e. son, the parents are considered lucky as the whole world support them as they have only one son and no where else to go and daughter in law even if she suffers n their hands will have to live with it. On the contrary, if someone has only one child i.e. daughter, the parents are considered unlucky as they have to live their old age on their own with no support from their daughter and the daughter should take permission from the husband and in laws to do anything to her parents. This shows how biased this society is.

Viswa