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Dos And Donts Of Marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shravs3, Feb 11, 2019.

  1. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    In a marriage there are certain things which each partner has to do and there are also things which are not meant to be done.

    I know each marriage is different.

    But what are the general rules of Dos and Donts in any marriage so that both the partners are peaceful and feel respected.

    If your views are different from your partners how do you convince?

    Ilites please share your thoughts so that it can be useful for people who are newly married or married for few years and would like to know what exactly is marriage and what are the responsibilities of each partner
     
    Anusha2917 and Sinant like this.
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  2. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Silver IL'ite

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    What I learnt so far -

    Don't discuss your frustrations with your in-laws or husband's relatives thinking that they are your family. For that matter anyone except your parents. Even siblings are excluded.
    Always keep a happy face in front of his/her friends. Always.
    Help your partner, take initiative in all activities, at least try to do that.
    Never check his/her phone or activities. There is absolutely no use of it.
    Be independent.
    Try to understand his likes/dislikes and behave accordingly.
    Be dignified and keep your self-respect.
    Never ever indulge in self-pity, but at the same time whenever you do something good, don't forget to pat yourself on your back.
    Pay attention to yourself, neglecting self is not really love for the partner.
    Do things without much fanfare. Have some passion in life other than him/her.
    Don't always think about yourself, think about the partner too, don't be a narcissist.
    Don't stray.
    Never ever lose faith in almighty.
     
    Mehana, hino, Giri12 and 12 others like this.
  3. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Last edited: Feb 12, 2019
  4. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    First and foremost
    Both partners have to step out of their respective families. Your spouse and kids should be your family now.
    Respect and love each other
    Sit and talk and clarify any misunderstanding.
    No yelling and shouting
    Dont badmouth your spouse to outsiders
     
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  5. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    This March m married 10yrs. These r things I learnt hard way.

    1. Never complain/crib about sil n mil to dh. If they did wrong to you directly tell them and tell once to dh and leave. Don't nag. Noone likes to hear bad about their family. (Even if they r bad)

    2. Everyone needs private time and space. Even couple do. So give space to spend time with friends/games.

    3. Discuss plans for future, finance and Investment. (My dh just listen to what I say and invest in whatever I say. My friends dh don't discuss any financial matters with her thinking she doesn't understand/need.. BOTH r wrong)

    4. Forgive n forget past. Bringing up past bitterness will only spoil current life n relationship.

    5. Don't fight dirty. Don't forget you have to spend lifetime with this person. It's OK to let go. Later explain your point when other one is calm. If you are loosing your cool. Leave place, go other room. Drink water or take a walk.

    6. Communication is very important. Expecting spouse to read mind will only lead to disappointment. Men Especially are not good at expressing and communicating. Example. Wife cribbing saying I expected you to come n hug me from back. Expected you to understand my mood n be nice to me. Expected to get help as m tired. I was getting sad expecting things during initial marriage days.

    Now I hug him if I feel like hugging.

    I initiate sex if I want, than always expecting him to start.

    I try to talk less about sil n mil with dh and vent with my mom about in-laws issues.

    Learned cooking. He appreciate my cooking and comments it's good, very tasty liked it and all.

    I TRY to not nag about past fights.

    I try to give him rest time when he comes home from office for relaxing. Coz I know after 30mins he takes over kid and I get rest/me time evening.

    I stopped cribbing about h4 sahm situation n trying to enjoy this phase by raising son, reducing weight, trying new dishes.

    Giving him space when he wants to go with friends for drinks or movies.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2019
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  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    sumalynux likes this.
  7. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    @shravs3,

    A few of my pointers are:

    1. Be responsible and proactive. Don't expect the spouse to replace a parent or a maid.
    2. Some courtesy, civility and space must be maintained without taking the spouse for granted.
    3. Don't underestimate your contributions. Still traditionally some jobs remain man's or woman's alone. Don't grudge. Don't bring the Ego in between.
    4. Learn to say, No, sorry, thanks whenever necessary.
    5. Openly express your expectations & learn to swallow disappointments. Choose your fights wisely.
    6. Before marriage, many mistakes done by you are accepted/ignored by your parents. Don't expect this from the spouse.
    7. Respect and importance to spouse must be mutual.
    8. Maintain financial independence, some hobby and some 'Me time', they are essential for your well being.

    Well, that's it for the moment, there are many many more!
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2019
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  8. nandinimithun

    nandinimithun IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @shravs3
    I feel there is no one size fits all, when it comes to marriage rules,though there are many dos and don'ts which we come upto based on our experience...
    Below are some pointers, tips or whatever you would like to call.. ..

    When things go wrong, don't expect only the spouse to make it happen, it's ok to say bye to ego and make things happen... .

    Don't compare spouse with anyone in any quality, and don't encourage the comparison for you also.....

    The upbringing of a man and woman is slightly different, so expecting things to change overnight is foolishness...

    Talk, talk and talk your heart to your spouse,sooner or later they will open up too...

    Doing the little things to spouse only to see them smile, aww that is priceless.....

    Take and also give the 'me time'.. Which is important in any relationship.....

    Let the past be where it is, do not discuss about the bitter experiences..... When a quarreling in the present, stick to the topic, do not bring the past... .

    You cannot be a mother neither can your spouse be a parent to you, so don't have unwanted expectations.....

    Live life to the fullest and enjoy
     
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  9. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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  10. Gallant

    Gallant Silver IL'ite

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    Two important things:

    1. There is no problem in this world that can't be talked and resolved.
    2. There is no mistake in this world that can't be forgiven.

    If a husband and wife understand the true meaning of this, then married life will be happy.
    If either one does not understand this, then always there is a problem.
     
    ratan, Anusha2917, Topaz49 and 5 others like this.

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