Don't know where I am going wrong?

luc · Mar 27, 2013

Hello all!

Coming back after a while. Ok here are the updates of what has been happening. In my previous post I mentioned that all problems with my in laws were solved. Things are going ok not bad but there are certain things that are still an issue..

I have absolutely no issues with my MIL , she is truely a darling. Issue is my FIL, I have stopped caring for him as he use to show all his interest for my husband not me at all. He wanted to know if my hysband ate, ITS ALL ABOUT HIM.. THis really ticks me off as I am there too.

Yesterday my husband was studying so he told my mil to talk slowly as and they shut there room door. Now today I was stuyding so he decides to talk and doesn't think of shutting his door , Now i know this is a minor thing but there were so many such things that i blew up at my husband. He started yelling at me saying that all i do everyday is find faults with his dad and i keep isolating things.

Obviously his dad is great for him , ... what pisses me off is that he never sees anything wrong with him just because his dad loves him soo much and cares for him. He doesn't see how I get ignored with his dad...

I don't know how to handle this , i get very irritated with my FIL.

pls give me suggestions to keep up with him..

sweetshreya · Mar 27, 2013

He ignores you, you ignore him.... simple.

luc · Mar 27, 2013

I do most of the time. But then my husband expects that I go give him milk at nights, serve him dinner,, which is he sits on the sofa and i take the plate with dinner to him, i find this ridiculous. He doesn't give me any importance so I dont want to give him any importance either...

guesshoo · Mar 27, 2013

Hello OP,

Thumb rule for talking about DH's parents to DH is this. We never, and I mean NEVER, NEVER-EVER say anything negative about them - not because we have to be the most tolerant DIL in the world; it's simply because it could backfire on our faces any time. The reason it backfires is not because DH doesn't see that his folks are in the wrong. It is because we have explicitly involved him in it, thereby giving him an unnecessary burden to solve. Mostly he doesn't want to confront his parents. The easiest is to yell at the wife so at least she doesn't expect him to get involved... Quite sad, I agree.

The only thing I've found effective in these subtle situations where ILs are being passive aggressive is this. I very pleasantly walk up to them and tell them what I need. However basic. In this case, you walk up, explain that you're studying, would they mind if you shut the door please...

When a fruit plate is not passed to me, I loudly but pleasantly say, "Could you pass that to me please?" and help myself deliberately to huge portions. And I see that MIL starts seething as her carefully laid out plan to deny me is ruined.

Tact to keep DH on your side and subtle manipulation such that no blame falls on you, yet things go your way... That's the key.

Good luck,
G