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Dont Know To Handle Spouse Even After 15 Years

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by BoysMom, Feb 23, 2020.

  1. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Pls pls understand that talking and working out with him it will not work out, you have to plan with out telling anyone, meeting lawyers, women protection organizations, working out for a plan. Calling 911 may not do any good for you, than if you tell it to women protection org and make plans to come out , it will help you and the kids. It is so so tough being pregnant and delivery date close. Take some help from your kids
     
    sindmani likes this.
  2. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    Then, your only option is find a way to get him to go for counseling with you.
     
  3. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    He wii not change, he already told not to talk or discuss your family details with anybody. So counseling he will not come 99percent, even if he comes he will not follow. But try, I will be surprised if he again not shout at you he hears the word counseling, you go alone to start with and see first how it goes.

    You think when everybody is there he is loving towards you, that is showing off, not real love towards you.

    Whatever the conditions please search some job with some income so you can have some ease in taking decisions
     
    sindmani, BoysMom and Topaz49 like this.
  4. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    At least try for temporary separation saying I can’t take it anymore.. you are in a very delicate situation. For your own mental sanity try something! Do your parents know all this?
     
    sindmani and BoysMom like this.
  5. VinuthaS

    VinuthaS Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Boys mum...
    I like the response given by Topaz49, physical abuse is a big no, there are few men who are so capable of emotional abuse also( that's a different story).
    All this happening in front of teenage kids and them helping you out. What are we teaching them in situations like this, how are they doing emotionally? Don't forget they are boys also.
    I think it's high time u put your foot down...
    Good luck
     
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  6. BoysMom

    BoysMom Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes he will not come for any counselling I know 100%. He ll say I am the one who needs it and will start calling my parents and trouble them too if he knows I am seeking help outside. Its up to him to change for better but all I could do is to stick with my view point.
    I got to wait until i deliver the baby and few months after before looking for the next job.
    With my prev experiences I have always made sure of financial independence, I could live with out depending on him if need be for time being until I find my next job.
    Let me try handling this situation first rather than thinking of comming out by putting my foot down to move now.
     
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  7. BoysMom

    BoysMom Bronze IL'ite

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    They know the previous episodes like 10 years back and I went to India asking for separation, they sent me back after couple of months. Things seem improved a bit after that. these kind of incidents became very rare like once in 6 months or year. Maybe I assumed...there was no situation to disagree. I dont want to trouble them anymore, they are very old and have their share of evwryday problems to handle
     
  8. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Moving to India will be a foolish decision now like you said in your post. It won't be good for you or your kids.

    You can tell him if he want he can move to India now and join job. After working for long outside India ,its not easy for him to adjust there. Let him go and establish. Then you can decide on moving back.

    But it won't be good your kids too. It will be tough for them to adjust to the education system now. With newborn, you wont be able to help them with that transition.

    So for you and kids stay in Canada.

    Dont take any physical abuse..Its unacceptable. you are in third trimester. If something happens to you ,who will be there for kids..if he abuse again tell him you will call 911 ( not asking you to call). Be firm that you wont take any physical abuse.

    Hope you will be able to handle this situation. Yeah you need financial independence too. Right now you should be your first priority. Nothing else.. you should be healthy. You only can take care of kids well. Rest can wait.
     
    BoysMom likes this.
  9. BoysMom

    BoysMom Bronze IL'ite

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    They are emotionally mature in my opinion, I talk with them and discuss with them after these kind of episodes. I know its not the right picture they see. I keep telling them and they seem to understand. Is there anything I could do more to keep them away from this ? They love their father equally except for these qualities.
     
  10. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    At first it looks like physical abuse as it is visible violence. It is lot more than that. It is narcissism.

    He is controlling you and kids, now he saw kids knowing what is does and daring (the way your husband see) to stop him, he couldn’t take it. He know 4 more years kids go out of home for college not like India he can control elder one . He understood That is why he wants to move, at this stage where kids can get citizenship.
    He also understood physical violence if you report all his visa , job willl be in problem. Kids can report too, so he will be more inclined to move India.

    He is only thinking about him, what is that job which is not available after 1 year? How kids can adjust in school suddenly did he discuss with you and kids?

    Kids love father and mother when they young , no matter how bad parents,

    Kids all start understand when they see outside world and capable of independently living by them selves

    Some kids may unconsciously pick father habits, unfortunately, sorry to say that. conflict situation and rage they may associate without knowing.
     
    BoysMom likes this.

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