Does having kids brings DH closer?

Depends. One thing I can say for sure is whatever stresses are already in the marriage between the husband and wife, the birth of a child will strain those pre-existing stresses much more so it comes to a make-or-break point for a period of time. I think it might be due to wife no longer being as available to do everything, the sleepless nights with baby, the wife's recovery and so on. This is more so if the couple is out of India in a place where you cannot hire adequate help and have to depend on family etc. like US etc. I have seen couples go through period of great turmoil and subsequent adjustment when they just rushed into having a baby without planning or proper foundation.
If you are having problems with hubby, dont have a kid as a way out of the problems. That would be foolish, in my opinion.

 

Hi
I m here to disscuss this point another version. Me and my DH are in TTC for last 6 years. This 6 years gradually increased our bond, increase the need of one for the other. Facing lot of worries together, made our relationship healthy, matured and intimate. Child is wonderful thing in life, but we are learning to keep our bond tightly even without a child. (I didnt mean not having a child is good, I m just explaining how to live positively in my situation ) We may/will get a biological child or adopted child in future, but the maturity or bond we have now will help us raise the child in a healthy environment.

My point is : The bond depends on maturity level of individuals not on child.

 

In my case my H just loves kid so we went ahead and had a baby just around 3 years of marriage.Things just changed for me.My H was forever in his mom's lap and least bothered about me. Only now when the kid started playing and having fun,H has become closer to me..But I despise him now.
I dont even feel like having sex with him...And I really dont mind if he seeks it outside(Though I know he wont).
What I am trying to say is maybe your H may want child and love the idea of becoming father and you may also love him too much to have a kid with him..But you never know what future holds for you.Thing change overnight..
I had a tough time...My son is 1.5 years old now and I feel so cut off from my H though he tries hard to get closer to me..
So you never know..Bring a child only when YOU alone are sure..Not to mend a marr or coz you love your H or anything..A baby will change your life and achedule..No one elses...TRUST ME...

 

This is a medival thought pattern.. which may or maynot result into a happy note.
If you believe in this, you'll do everything to make your relationship work and reach heights.

Now the problem is... when your inlaws also believe in it... they'll do everything to make sure that they keep poking to ensure that the closeness is reduced by day and minute... till now they might have let you live your life.. but now they feel if they din't act "WISELY" the definition of their nuclear family shall get translated.

Since predominantly they're supposed to be an integral part of the household and they know your + and - and can use it very well to sink your relationship, finally a woman is not as strong during and post delivery and many intruders use it as the best opportunity to make the most out of it.

 

Things could either way. Either husband and wife bond over a kid, or the husband starts resenting the fact that the wife's time and energy is so spent on the baby that she does not have the time to pamper him as before. Depends on his maturity level as well as on his emotional quotient.

 

Go in for a baby only when u r sure of the bond between u n yr husband. If u feel he doesn't really understand u or u hv compatibility issues, then it is best to wait for some more time bcoz kids r a huge responsibility. It is not necessary for yr husband to bond with u after kids - he cud also distance himself if he is not ready for the responsbility that comes along. So tread carefully.
love....kylie

 

its a damn good topic and it is very pleasant to read it all my dear frnd..

 

sheztheone, heron, shilpama very enlightening posts..thanks! lookin for more thoughts from the experienced ladies here...

 

When monotony in marriage sets in, friends and family will advice you to have kids to "fill the void". Having kid does bring husband closer to wife. But, it also brings the inlaws together due to the new member in the house. It maybe for good or bad. But from what I have seen, when you become a mother you crave less of husband's love. Love changes to needs. Motherhood can be so fulfilling and teaches so much to a woman. Everything you are trying to fight for right now may seem worthless (bringing your husband closer) one or two years into motherhood. Once you become a mother, husband takes next priority and inlaws nowhere on the list. Wish you good luck and lots of love