Do Not Want To Give Up This Time!

OP,

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

You know what, I can completely relate to your feelings as I was in your shoes couple of years back.

However, the only advice I can give you is.. learn to accept this fact of life.

To give you an insight. I have a sister who is married and my mom stays with her right now while I am in a different country. Since she was working, she agreed to come over post delivery for 3mos. But in those 3 mos, right from day 2 of her coming to my place, she was behaving very strange, not talking to me or my hubby or even my elder son properly.
She just wanted to go back to my sister's house.

Since she was always a career woman, she was never available for me emotionally, even as of today.

Recently when I travelled to India with my kids for 2 mos, I was deeply hurt. She was more interested in taking care of my sister's child alone and was always scolding or blaming my son for being naughty. He is a 6 year old boy. Despite me telling openly before arriving that i want my mom to spend time with my kids, my sister nor mother never bothered to make arrangements so that my mom gets to spend time with my kids .

Mom clearly told she doesn't want to travel to my place since my sister's 4 year old needs to be taken care as they don't want to put her in day care.

My mother rarely talks over FaceTime with my son.

She is very open while talking to my sister or her own brother, that is, my uncle. When it comes to me, it's either harsh comments or pin drop silence

She has even forgotten what I like to eat etc. While she totally knows what is sisters fav, sis husband fav food etc.

I have not changed over the years wrt her. In this whole world, I had 2 people who I had blind love - my hubby and my mom. To be honest, it was mom before hubby.
That is why it hurt me to the core and trust me when I say this, I reacted pretty harshly too since I could not take the rejection from her. I didn't like being seconded . I was and have been the one who stood by her whenever she needed emotionally. So the blow was pretty hard.

All these hurt me a lot and there have been many instances that I have cried. The fact that it was only me who was pining for the attention and care and not her , hurt me a lot. After all the wacky preg. hormones settled, I have realised I must not be overtly emotional even if it hurts.

Best thing to do is to just accept the fact. Like my husband says, she has chosen where she wants to spend her old age, so let her be so.

The more we spend time analysing and comparing, we turn bitter and resentment sets in. Not good during this time esp .

No expectations, no disappointments.

 

Also OP, whenever we are feeling low, we might feel our problem is too huge. Believe me, just take a step back, see your mental turmoil in a different perspective.
Suddenly you will realise it's not a big deal.

One of my friends has taken care of twin kids all alone. Parents and in laws refused to come.

Second time around, most of us women make excellent mom's. Our instincts and maturity level just becomes too good after delivery.. he he.. so you are good.

Listen to lot of music. You will feel at peace.

Talk general topics with ur mom n do not bring this up again unless she herself decides to change her plans.

Stay happy!

 

Well said Deepa. A bit philosophical in the end but you have summed it up aptly with
“NO EXPECTATIONS NO DISAPPOINTMENTS “ .