Do Kids Birthday Parties Create Comparison?

It is little bit tricky my kids enjoyed going to home parties and outside parties .

I give outside parties because it is easy and I don't have the creativity to create two -three hour engaging activities for kids .

There will be comparisons if your kid is the only one who is not having outside parties but if you have a mixed bag , easier to explain .
I think you can give in to kids demand a couple of times because their idea of celebration may not match Yours .

 

You are clearly judging others by commenting on their lifestyle and by just writing a line “it’s my personal opinion” will not change the fact . Get off your moral high horse . This is my “personal” opinion about your post .Deal with it

I will not apologize for being rude to you because you get what you give .

 

I think what you want to teach your child is right, but how you have chosen to convey it to her is not necessarily correct.

While it is good to teach her that there are lesser privileged children that need our help, it is also not correct to teach her that what her friends and their families are doing (that you willingly let her be a participant of) is a waste of time and money. You are teaching your child to judge and this is not appropriate at all. What you should instead focus on is to teach her that each family is different and do different things and just because she does/does not do something that her friends don't do/do, she is no less or better than them. Teach her to be proud of her own upbringing and also to be respectful of others' choices. And I think 4 is a good age to start pointing that out to the child, instead of saying things like we are simple people and we are so good and we are this and that etc.

I do not believe in keeping a Christmas Tree and exchanging gifts. My daughter came and asked me why we don't do it and I just told her that we keep golu and celebrate Diwali while they don't. I just used this as an opportunity to teach her that the world is made up of different kinds of people who do different kinds of things and who might do the same things differently, and that we should just do what we can and not let what others do bother us!

I think the child can be taught compassion towards those not as privileged as she is without putting others down or putting herself up on some kind of pedestal.

I think on some level, this has affected you more than it has your daughter, honestly. I do not mean to point to your other threads here, but I can't help seeing a pattern. I feel you have some kind of compulsive need to constantly assure yourself that you are good enough and that makes you examine yourself/the way you live/how others interact with you with a magnifying glass and come up with stuff that you use to tell yourself that you are better than them. I see this behavior as a manifestation of some kind of inferiority complex that you have and in an attempt to overcome that, you either put yourself on this pedestal or attach unnecessary meaning to seemingly innocent actions of others. I am no psychologist or behavioral analyst, but I honestly can't help making this observation about you.

Take it easy @Vedhavalli . The world and the people around you are not really as bad or cunning as you think they are!

 

@peartree , well put.

 

In my personal view, raising children is a prerogative of the parents and what value to teach them is entirely left to them. There is no specific method that is superior to another. The parents know the children well and accordingly it should be left to them to decide what is best for their children. None of us know the background and circumstances of each family.

OP wrote this with a specific note that she wasn't judging anyone. I don't see any offense in her post. As a matter of fact, I consider her attitude of giving to an orphaned child instead of lavishly spending for her child's birthday as a superior value that shouldn't be condemned, expressed or implied.

I am 64 years old and I have raised my only son with simple birthday celebrations throughout his young ages. He never questioned me once why others parents are celebrating differently nor I have bad feeling about others celebrating their children's birthday elaborately. There is nothing wrong in teaching austerity at an young age.

I am interested in listening to thoughts of a few and I am tagging @justanothergirl, @Gauri03, @kkrish, @Shanvy and @Laks09.

 

@Viswamitra ji , No woman here is implying that the OP is wrong in teaching austerity to her child. This can be done without putting others down or putting herself on a pedestal. That is all.

 

Thank you for the tag @Viswamitra. Not sure what more I can write. @peartree summarized my views on this very well.
The way I look at it ages 1-3 celebrations are pretty much by the parents for the parents. Most babies that age are tired hungry and cranky end of the day no matter what our idea of the party/celebration is. For one of my celebrations I did have close to 75 people . No it was not a showoff. I cannot not invite any of my friends . Its who I and DH are. We genuinely love our family and friends and cannot even dream of skipping anyone for any of our functions.

4-9 ish is when they enjoy spending time with their friends. Balloons ,cake pizza,candy and friends. Their requirements were usually very simple and most kids I know couldn't care less . I am glad I did what I did when I did even if it was exhausting. I have lovely memories. Now my boys are teenagers and most celebrations are very low key. I have my values ..I buy cake but hunt for bakeries which make them eggless..buy fancy candles with music but I don't blow them. Just light and leave in front of my mandir. I let them know that it bothers me . They have accepted me with all my idiosyncrasies. Its how we choose to project ourselves to them thats critical "Just because I do things a certain way doesn't make me a better human being ...it just makes me unique."

I have never chosen their birthday parties as an occasion to make a statement that we need to think about those who have far less. There are many other occasions and times around the year to do it. That day is theirs . I let it be just that.

 

OP,

Not sure, it is different for the boys vs girls? or May be, it is different for public vs private schools?

My son and his friends were happy to be at the arcades or went to baseball games.

I didn't notice any such differences.