Disclosing financial details with IL's

My ILs are visiting us for 4 months, starting next month and I am already tense about tons of things that are going to come up. I will post them one by one but this thread is specifically about sharing financial details/arrangement with them.

As I have mentioned elsewhere in this forum, FIL is very nosy and is a control freak. He is highly opinionated and always thinks he is the right one and his ways are right. He is a retired bank employee and that automatically makes him the wisest in the family regarding financial matters, or so he thinks! DH and I are planning on investing in a property in India. IL's are already doing all possible research work, SIL and her husband are doing some serious builders hunting. While this is all in good intention and I am ever so grateful for them doing all this for us, I am majorly worried about FIL poking his nose into how we are going to manage our finances.

He has already started digging, and in our trip to India last month cornered DH alone has made silent enquiries about the loans that I was paying up, if they were complete and how much of my salary I would be contributing to the investment. DH and I have an arrangement between us, and we are fine by it. We have decided that we wouldn't both pool in all our resources in one investment so I am not going to be a major contributor to the property in question. DH gave him the general picture and I can tell he isn't very happy about this. He keeps mentioing about increasing loan rates and EMI's and how we should plan on paying up our loans ASAP.

Well, we aren't dumb to begin with. Only ground work and basic research is being made at this point for any investment and we haven't reached the stage where we can speak up numbers. So when the time comes, and we both (DH and I) feel the need to pay up loans together, we'd do it anyway. I just don't want FIL or MIL for that matter going about lecturing us the whole time or offer suggestion, or in the end make us do their bidding. MIL hints that she wants to give me some pointers as to how I manage financials and she's offer what she used to in her days. all that's good as long as they don't ask me what I do with my money. I am not answerable to anyone other than DH.

My FIL has some serious issues with my dad, it was the usual struggle between grrom's parents and bride's parents during wedding time but somehow he has twisted that into a thing where he believes my dad is dishonest and is after my money. He has checked my loan accounts behind all our backs and has tormented DH for months, asking why the past few months' EMI's haven't been paid up. I generally send money to my dad's account and he transfers them my loan account (he originally offered very stringly that I send the money directly to my loan account but it was DH who wnated to have this arrangement). My dad hadn't paid up the couple months' EMI some time between Jan-Mar this year for tax benefit reasons and he was to pay them up post april. FIL created a huge scene to DH that my dad was using up my money, for their trip to US last year and for all those expensive gifts they gave us for our anniversary.

DH trusts my dad and never told me about all this but he couldn't shut his dad up either. It was only mucch later that I got to know about this and I offered DH the explanation which he offered to his dad. FIL wasn't convinced even then and offered some bull**** reason about how my dad could have worked things out differently - Hello! My dad works for a bank too and he is at a much higher cadre than you were at, thank you!

So now, what should do I do?

1. Should I disclose all our financial arrangements (between DH and I, how we work our paychecks out each month) to FIL.

2. Should I politely ask him not to interfere? I am sure he isn't going to take it in the right spirit if I tell him so.

3. I am also concerned about how much of an influence he is going to have over DH in all this - DH can be easily influenced, esp by his parents when they soften him up the way they want to. But you know, it could be the other way too, I know he stood up for my dad when the other issue came up.

Help me out, people!

 

Sigghh! i think i realize that too