Dillema

Hi ladies, I need suggestions...I hope nobody judges me..but I am really not sure what to do. I have been married for 8 years. 1st year was ok..after that it wasn't good. MIL created a lot of problems between me n my husband. He has become very manipulative, he is an emotional abuser and a narcissist. He wants things his way always coz his mom keeps telling him stories of how girls take advantage of husband's if they are not smart so husband's should always be very commanding otherwise he doesn't get respect. We live in US. My husband keeps travelling on projects.he travels every two months for about a month. He didn't let me work. Created a lot of problems. I was on the verge of depression.he never bothered. He says that I am lazy, a burden etc.. now every time I meet his relatives, they don't treat me well. I get a feeling that they have spoken I'll about me and my family to their relatives. They don't call my parents on imp occasions. My husband acts very sweet on face. He talks Ill about me with everybody behind my back. All his relatives and even his friends don't talk to me nicely. When I ask him..He says that I am thinking a lot. I am sick n tired of this diplomatic behaviour. He doesn't drink in front of his parents but he would drink and get completely sloshed in front of my family. My sister tells me that he treats my parents badly when I am not around. My parents don't say anything coz they don't want us to fight. When I ask him he says that he treats them ok. I am over reacting. His parents esp his mom has been very cruel to me and that is why I maintain my distance..there was once when I lost my cool and I blasted and till now my husband says that he will never forgive me coz I shouted at his parents...He doesn't want to know that his mom was I'll treating me and there was only so much that I can take. I have reached a stage where I don't fight wi anybody at all. If they misbehave with me..I just let it go coz Saying anything would mean creating more problems.... husband is out.he is in Chicago on a business trip. He calls me and I don't feel like attending his calls. Even when I pick up the phone..I have nothing to talk. I am otherwise a very talkative person. All my emotions are completely drained. I don't let him touch me.i don't miss him. I am happy when he is not there. I get to do what I want to. I am dependant on him coz I am not working..I am looking for a job and I have started giving interviews.. Will get something soon. He wants me to forget about every thing and start afresh...I know he doesn't mean coz next time he will get an opportunity to crush me and break me..He will still do it. I want my kid should get a healthy environment where mom and dad are not fightin .My kid should get a loving family. Because of this cold war , we cannot enjoy festival's, holidays etc....MIL is extreme happy coz that is what she wanted. My concern is that my husband likes to get everything his way.others opinion doesn't matter to him. He will be very sweet on my face . If I keep letting him do what he wants..I lose out on my self respect and individuality. What do I do . Divorce is not an option. At least not for now..not till I get stable in my career.

 

Hi shruti, thanks for your message.. the problem with my husband is that he is super manipulative. He would not talk for the sake of sorting things out..He would argue to win. He would do and say anything to prove his point right and prove me wrong. I want to talk to him and every time I start talking to him, he would just pick up one thing I said or did and will twist n turn the conversation around it. He will bring up a completely irrelevant topic and start on with it which irritates me further and I give up. He tells me so many times that if you can't prove yourself right in an argument, just confuse the other person and he does that really well. Tbere have been times when ..just because he didn't want to do certain things and he couldn't say no to me on my face coz he would have looked bad...He has picked up unnecessary fights with me so that he doesn't have to do what I had asked him to do. When the time is over..He would become normal and blame me for the fight and spoiling the peace of the house.then he would say things like "I was ready to do..u only picked up a fight and spoilt my mood".I don't to k talking would ever sort out the differences between us.

 

Yes!I am doing just that. I am behaving normal..the thing is that if I don't talk to him in the house..He gets mad, creates a mess. He becomes mad and starts shouting and howling like crazy.to avoid all that...I give just point to point answers....He doesn't say much when I give him direct reply and he is busy on his laptop mostly when he is at home.he just doesn't care what I am thinking as long as I am talking to him.even if the talking is to the minimum. There will be days when he would be travelling and I don't pick up his calls for days n he would be fine with it and would act all normal as long as I don't fight with him.