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dilemma

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sirisha81, Jan 21, 2012.

  1. sirisha81

    sirisha81 New IL'ite

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    We are happily married for last 9 years. Since about 6 months, my husband is behaving strangely. He asks me to dress sexily, with low cut blouses, sexy nighties, etc. He asks me to mingle freely with other men, friends of his or mine. He is asking me to think modern and behave in a care-free manner. He doesn't harass me but loves me very much. Except for this behavior, he is very gentle, honest, caring and loving. He says his love toward me grows when he sees me talking to other men. I am not able to understand this behavior. Since about a month, one of his friends started visiting our home and spending more time with us. I also began enjoying his company. Of late, I started getting physically attracted to him, since he looks better than my husband dearest. I dont know if he has the same feelings towards me. As a conservative Indian married woman, I feel this is bad. But I also remember my husband's words that his love increases when he sees me talking with other men. Now I am in a dilemma whether to take this forward or not. I am also close friends with the other man's wife. Please help me figure out the best way forward.
     
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  2. IndianFunTube

    IndianFunTube New IL'ite

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    LOL. Some questions have been pretty weird lately and this surely is one of them! To me it looks like your husband is offering you the bait of a swinging lifestyle and you seem to be responding pretty well. Now, what is your question, whether you should consider swinging?
     
  3. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    I have few questions for you:

    What replies do you expect dear?
    By asking what the best way forward is,are you asking us to help you approach that man or our opinion?
    Going ahead in this direction means spoiling other families alongwith yours. Are you ready for that?
    Have you asked that man's wife if she is ok with your interest in her husband?If she says its fine,then you must offer your husband to her,in all fairness.It cannot be just one way.
    Today your husband brought one man,next month,he will bring another fit and smart man,will you go for that person too?
    Ask your husband if he is interested in other women.Or else,why will he intentionally create a situation like this?

    Dear,the answer lies within you and your subconscious mind. Just rack into your brain and think. We human beings are given the privilege of thinking,not just behave like frogs in a well who dont know how the world works.What do your values tell you to do?If you are ok with this arrangement,you dont need our approval.
     
  4. srims

    srims Bronze IL'ite

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    In very soon your DH might inform you that he is interested in some other women.
    Now he is making the base for his future affair.Be cautious.
    If you think you are right to go with other men ,then it should be right if your husband goes with other women.
     
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  5. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Srims above has given viewpoint for a different angle which you shd consider closely.

    I would say think carefully as you decide what you do. As you go fwd, at each point make sure your actions are in accordance with your own personal values and gut feelings. You may say obeying my husband is also one of my values but still I would say dont stomp on some part of you that is saying no solely to please him. Dont do something you personally dont like just because you want to gain or keep his love. If he loves you it should be for yourself not your actions.

    Good luck!
     
  6. SallyR

    SallyR Silver IL'ite

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    I think this is a troll...story doesn't ring true.
     
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  7. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    what kind of question is this? Are you writing movie script or something?

    Here lot of sincere men and women struggling to live and let live happily with complicated difficulties.......no comments.....
     
  8. Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    Ler me tell one thing. In any society, married couple like to be truthful to each other. It is not only for Indian families.

    TROUBLE!!!!! Watch out. If it i real post, I have no word to say you to you.
     
  9. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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  10. Reflection123

    Reflection123 New IL'ite

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    Assuming there is some truth in the problem posted by OP- I think maybe the husband just wants the wife to wear hot dresses, and deal and talk coolly and confidently with people of both sexes. I mean even if a husband wants his wife to look hot.....I wouldn't draw conclusions such as its OK to still get into infatuation/attraction with another man!......

    I think wearing smart/hot dresses, mingling with men and women alike......AND developing a non-platonic relation outside marriage are 2 very different things. Getting into a relation with any man other than your husband--is outrageously wrong....!!!..I wear short dresses, have really really good friends among men, and some of them are richer/better looking than my DH, and it hardly matters!! In the wildest of my dream I would NEVER think of emotionally/mentally/physically cheating on my husband, even if that were the only way to survive!! I have no idea how people even have infatuation outside marriage.....when there is a loving guy in your life. Respect what you have. I think you've taken your husband's preference in a wrong way....also use your own mind....you need to understand your own ethics, and don't have to follow anyone's preferences blindly!
     
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