Dilemma- Leave Or Stay

Op....you are financially independent. You hate his presence. You are more peaceful when he is not around. You are deeply hurting not just emotionally but it is also effecting you physically.

I feel you should try temporary separation.
Talk to him. Tell him how you can not forgive and trust him and you are suffering. Let him know you want to see if separation is going to help you deal with the situation.

Tell him to find a place and move out for sometime.
Talk to lawyers. You are not in India. You can get a divorce without much mud slinging. Tell him you do not want his reputation to be sullied so take a divorce on grounds of incompatibility.
Divide assets equally,ask him to pay child support and help you with childcare.
Once he is no longer your husband,you will forgive him .
You can have your peace and he can do whatever gives him pleasure.

 

People's normal and sexual personalities can be different.
What thrills and satisfies one person may not do anything for another.
Your husband seems to have a different requirement and normal sexual life with a wedded partner may never satisfy him .

Sexual behavior that border on deviant are usually well hidden and are usually a secret . It is very unlikely to find out about this by general inquiries . There was not much you could have done about it.
You both have very different personalities and very different moral compasses.

 

Rose garden, thank you taking the time to reply to everyone here. You will have to go to a marriage/ family counselor . Alone not with your husband. The goal is to help you get over all the negative emotions for your well being.

From your replies it seems like not only is your husband a repeat offender but also does not think it is wrong . Plus the fact that he changes passwords implies that he continues to do what he did. He needs major intensive therapy. If not, I don’t see him changing at all. Remember Anthony wiener ? He put his political career and marriage at stake for this addiction.
Even if you decide to stay make sure you have an exit plan. That involves, making your finances strong, collecting evidence, shortlisting divorce lawyers . And if you do decide make sure husband is the one to leave the house not you.
Your husband may have had many happy endings but don’t you think your story deserves one true happy ending ?


Don’t worry about replying to my post. I see you have tons of replies typed.

 

Op....don't know what you can tell your parents.
May be just tell them he cheated or that you both are incompatible.
Don't be in a hurry to tell or even divorce. Take your time.
Just separate physically first,then seperate emotionally.

You say he is otherwise nice.
He also probably has no control over his behavior.
If the fear of losing his family won't' make him stop ,then who knows how much is in his control.

You should try to do whatever you do amicably . Tell him you can't be his wife but once he stops being your husband,you could think of him as a friend and treat you like one.
Let him know you will not take the children away from him because you want him in their life.You would want him to actively be there for them .

He should pay child support because he is the father although he won't pay alimony. I don't know about the laws there.
Tell him you want him to be happy and free .

Op...you need not feel guilty. You can tell your in laws that you and your kids will be a part of their lives no matter what. Stay in touch and reassure them .
Assure your parents that you are in control of your life and not much will change except that you will be living separately.

Secure your finances before you do anything or you have the separation talk with him .

 

As people suggested, counseling is a good option. But the way I see it, he is just going to get better and better at hiding things from you. You should know that this sort of addiction will not go away. If I were you, I wouldn't believe anything he says. Because if he "Mr clean" then he shouldn't have any problems with you accessing his phone or emails. A clean slate would mean him trying extra hard to gain back your trust. Not hide things

 

I go with peoc...this situation is not good for u as well as ur kid..just move out of him and b happy.