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Dh Is The Only Son And Rti( Return To India) Options

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by reca, Feb 4, 2019.

  1. reca

    reca Silver IL'ite

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    Dear ILs,
    My Husband is the only son to my in-laws. I am the elder daughter at home. My parents are still strong and I have no worry about them atleast for next 2-3 years. My in-laws are getting weak and old. They are falling sick often.I and my husband live in Europe. My husband is the only son and he feels sad that he cannot be with parents when they are sick. We have plans to Return to India in couple of years. Till then, what are the options we have to take care of in-laws ?
    How the only sons living abroad managing with their aging parents back in India.
    Also I am looking for countries which has job opportunities and which allows to keep parents in the same household with us. Please pour in your inputs.
    Best Regards

  2. MadhuRK

    MadhuRK Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Reca,

    I can totally relate to you as my husband is also in the same boat. He is the only son to my in-laws. And their health is in a pretty bad shape too.

    I exactly know the dilemma that you and your husband are going through. Personally I'm quite worried about both sets of parents and would much rather move back to India sooner rather than later.

    We live in the USA where our visas are problematic enough, forget about getting our parents here.

    You have asked a specific question, so let me answer them :

    1. Do not move to USA unless you are assured of a readily available Green-Card via a special visa category.
    2. I have heard that Canada is a good country to immigrate to. Under certain conditions, you can get a PR (permanent residency) even before you move there. Parents can also visit and stay for upto 2 years or more. Before you and your husband move, make sure that your husband has a job. Most people advise that you land-up in Canada and then search for a job. But I would advise against that method.

    Also, moving from India to Canada is a significant cultural and lifestyle shift for your in-laws. You have mentioned that their health is very poor. Canada has very adverse weather conditions. Even before you analyze this option, please make sure that your in-laws are open to this idea.

    In which city do your in-laws live ? Do they have an extensive network of close family relatives or friends living around ? Are they social people by nature ?

    If they have an existing social circle, you can always take some time off, go visit that extended circle, cultivate their friendship and association. Then over the visit, you can always voice your concern and gently ask if they can check on your in-laws on a bi-weekly or monthly basis and generally be available for them, to take them for a doctor's visit or a lab-test if needed.

    This circle need not be middle-aged working uncles and aunts. This can even be people the same age as your in-laws, equally old, but just having the time and ability to generally be around for each other.

    Of course, this option is not available for everyone for various reasons. Sometimes its just a question of feeling too delicate to make such demands from extended family and social circles. It all depends on your family's situation.

    Be optimistic and be brave. I'm sure this will work out positively for your family. Good luck.
  3. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I can understand your situation. Me and my DH both are only kids. Sometimes even I get scared about future.

    You can hire a cook or some nurse who can take care of them temporarily.But be cautious as you wouldn’t know wat type of people they are

    And regarding other countries, it’s very difficult for them to get adjusted in some unknown land. Weather also plays an important role in countries like US and Canada. It’s very difficult for them to get adjusted in such situations.
  4. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Moving people in older ages for them to get used to a new place, culture, language, TV programs etc.. is not a good idea. This is true even within India: A retired Kannadiga living in TN could be so annoying.

    There are many "home-care" companies in India that serve absentee NRI's who are able to throw money at a problem. The OP can investigate that for services available in the town where the parents live.

    For young people who have only one child, it is time to make a few more, just so that they will have more-than-one when they are old themselves.

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